Not attracted to most swinger men

[fraja]

Hmm...I have a new one. Short bio for those who don't know...we're an early 50's couple...he's an experienced swinger and I'm a newbie. I'm a true bi and we've had some really nice threesomes and foursomes with other women and him and me. We had one nice encounter with another couple and all is/was well...we've met two others for dinner so far. We're members of a swinging site and I do most of the contacts. The problem I'm having is a total lack of attraction to 99% of the men. He goes ga-ga over a lot of the pictures of women (yeah, I know that photos certainly don't tell all and it takes meeting someone to see who they really are.) I'm not a shallow person and I look deep into the person's heart and soul to see who they really are...but...every couple I see on or offline makes me wonder. I've had no physical attraction to any of the men, although I'd count myself lucky to have them as friends (most of them). My hunny is ready and itching to get to most of the women...and I feel just plain cold toward getting involved with the men. I realize it would take my whole history to figure this out...believe me, I've analyzed and soul searched but can't quite figure out where my problem lies. I love my sweetie and am very excited by him sexually. I feel like I'd be just going along and faking it and possibly resenting that I have to do that. Has anyone experienced this, possibly in the beginning of their swinging days or do I need a shrink???!!! I'd really like to get past this so we can BOTH have fun...but so far, even on the internet, I can't get excited about any of them.

I know exactly what you are saying.

This has happened to me several times. They are great people that could be wonderful friends, but the guy does NOTHING for me whatsoever. I wish I could just 'turn it on' whenever I wanted but it just isn't there.

Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating Mr. Naughty out of what could be a fantastic time, but we have agreed that there is to be no more 'taking one for the team' on either side.

Perhaps I need a shrink as well, but I feel your pain girlfriend.

[biblonde]

Dont feel bad...alot of the men we have seen or sent emails dont float my boat. Hubby says I have strange tastes..lol Some that he thinks I should find attractive I dont and some that he thinks I wont like I do. But..I look at the whole guy and not just the pic. I need a man that makes me laugh, he doesnt have to be a hottie or anything but it helps. I havent found to many men that I would say are totaly Hot! Maybe you need to look beyond the pics and see the whole man but by all means if he doesnt do it for you dont go there. We have a rule of never taking one for the team. It always turns out bad you are very disapointed in the end. Be patient and one will come along that you like! Best of luck to you

my 2 cents for the day!

[talltxlady]

Same thing happens here. Although technically we're still wanna be's, we've been searching for that right couple to get us started. I've found that even when I wasn't married and just dating, it was definitely more than looks that decided me on attraction. I'm one of those women that needs to get to know a guy before I find him attractive. (there have been a few exceptions to this, but not the norm). It's the whole person that I get attracted to, not just the outside appearance. I will admit a preference for taller, bulkier guys, but it's the inside that appeals as much as the outside.

Hope we end up finding all the right incredients together.

[WesternSwing]

Have you thought about the angle of your husband wanting to get with the other women so badly is turning you off from the whole experience? And not being turned-on by the men is just a symptom? More of a possible jealousy issue than anything else?

Mr. WS

Wow, I thought I was the only one! I have the same problem. I am not exactly a beauty queen, but I do have certain standards. The funny part is tonight we are meeting a new couple and I just read the profile of these people, after my husband made the plans. I think they are a little out of our league. Such as super fit, very attractive. I can tell you we are not super fit. I am 39 with 2 kids and have not been to the gym in a year so I do have a small belly. I am proud of it too! So we will see. Next time I will read the profile first, not just the picture, although I don't think the guy is that great, but pictures sometimes can be deceiving. The night is going to be very interesting. LOL. Good luck on your quest.

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Have you thought about the angle of your husband wanting to get with the other women so badly is turning you off from the whole experience? And not being turned-on by the men is just a symptom? More of a possible jealousy issue than anything else?

Mr. WS

I can say with MY experience, that that is far from the case.

The men looking like trolls that just crawled out from under a bridge has more to do with it.

Don't get me wrong-personality is 80% for me, but I have standards. I'm not going to screw somebody I don't find physically attractive. I don't care how great of personality or how hot their wife is.

[biblonde]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

I can say with MY experience, that that is far from the case.

The men looking like trolls that just crawled out from under a bridge has more to do with it.

Don't get me wrong-personality is 80% for me, but I have standards. I'm not going to screw somebody I don't find physically attractive. I don't care how great of personality or how hot their wife is.

I agree 100% jelousy was never an issue with me either. Alot of the men just werent my type! And my hubby being interested in the women never bothered me a bit...I like him getting turned on!

[littlebit54]

Originally Posted by talltxlady

Hope we end up finding all the right incredients together.

Ok, but isn't the searching, looking, fantasizing, waiting, wanting, needing, desiring the right combination, part of the intruigue of the lifestyle? I would think that unless you have a bad case of half to haves right now, the wait would/should/could always be worth the find or in other words, shouldn't "the juice be worth the squeez"?
Having said that, i understand what has been said here about the chances of finding a pair of perfect fits has to be difficult if not impossible...

littlebit54
jeanne

[JustAskJulie]

I think in general that men are more easily attracted (sexually/physically) than women are. There have been very few people (male or female) that I can say I was instantly attracted to physically. Most often it takes a little while for that attraction to build.

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think in general that men are more easily attracted (sexually/physically) than women are. There have been very few people (male or female) that I can say I was instantly attracted to physically. Most often it takes a little while for that attraction to build.

There is a lot of truth in that!! I never thought I would consider playing with my friends hubby when I first met him. Lets face it he was considerably older and not really my type. But as I got to know him, and spent a little time with him I began to realize that he had a lot of sex appeal that I had not seen before. Sometimes it takes more than one meeting of a couple to determine if they are someone you would consider. I know I am glad I did as I had an awesome time!!

It doesn't bother me at all if we don't play with a couple if Mrs naughty is not turned on by the man, no matter how attractive the wife is.
For me the biggest turn on is knowing that Mrs naughty is turned on. If it's not there for her than its not there for me.

Maybe thats why swinging works so well for us? facelick

When we were Brand New we both took one for the team once. Not because I didn't care that Mrs Naughty wasn't interested in him or she didn't care that I wasn't interested in the other woman. We both thought the other was having a good time. We have since learned from those experiences and "taking one for the team" doesn't happen any more.

BTW,

We both didn't take one for the team at the same time with the same couple. How funny would that be...Both taking one for the team at the same time thinking the other was enjoying themselves

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by biblonde

I agree 100% jelousy was never an issue with me either. Alot of the men just werent my type! And my hubby being interested in the women never bothered me a bit...I like him getting turned on!

I don't have a jealousy issue either in fact I'm with you it turns me on when Mr Spoo spots a woman that really trips his trigger so to speak. He says I have weird taste in men too so he has learned to not try and pick them for me especially with the singles.

Since we too have decided no more "taking one for the team" it does make it a little harder to find a couple. I mean it's like four people dating instead of just two. I have to like both, he has to like both and then they have to both like us Surrender It can get to be a bit much for a simple monkey brain.

Just be patient, it usually all works out like opening a pandora's box . . . all of a sudden there will be a whole lot of men you are attracted to, although then the reverse could happen and your husband won't be attracted to the woman.

Mmmmm, the wonderful lifestyle . . . so many vines to swing on . . . so many branches to watch out for

Mrs Spoomonkey

[NNJBoomers]

Mr Naughty,

It is not funny at all when you both take one for the team at the same time. We recently had that happen with a couple we had played with previously. For a combination of reasons, everything was different that night.
They probably should have cancelled but didn't.
We consider them friends, so we just let the night play out.
When we finally got in the car to drive home, I tentatively said out loud, "I feel like we BOTH took one for the team."
Mr. Boomer said, "Yes, that is exactly how I feel."

Sadness is what I feel as I look back on that night.

Another first in our lifestyle journey.

Mrs. Boomer

I geuss we look at things a little differently. That would definately be something Mrs naughty and I could get a good laugh at ourselves about.

Hopefully someday you will be able to look back on that experience and get a little chuckle.