Hot Hubby/Fat Wife

We are members of this board but I feel so stupid about this situation so i'd like to remain anonymous. My husband is a body builder. He just turned 41 and has the best body i've ever seen. He is surrounded by beautiful women everyday so naturally I feel a lot of pressure to stay in shape. I was in an accident a few years ago and since have had three surgeries to prevent my ankle from needing to be fused. Because of all this I have gained 30lbs.
The people he is attracted to specify criteria like *HWP* or *fit cpls only*. WOW!....talk about feeling like the party foul!...LOL He tells me "of course I like nice bodies but that's not what's most important to me. It's about a cpls attitude and the connection we have with them." Which sounds great... but for me (him too) it's physical attraction that inspires me to get to know the cpl and build the "connection" with.
How can we balance this so neither of us end up feeling uncomfortable or out of place?

That is a tough one.

I would start by not calling your self fat .

I would also consult your doctor. There must be some kind of exersice program you can do that would take it easy on your ankle while still working the rest of your body.

[tjlsml]

This IS a tough situation, but there ARE people out there who aren't hung up on whether you've gained 30 pounds or not. I'm no skinny minny, believe me, but my husband thinks I'm hot so I'm not overly concerned with what others think

THere are people out there who only want a certain "image" and then there are those who would much rather have a really great woman who knows how to have a good time. The only difficulty is finding them. What about your husband, is he only interested in those couples who are specifying they want superman and wonderwoman?

It's hard to find someone you feel comfortable with and when you do there is no guarantee that they will be comfortable or attracted to you, believe me I know. (see my post in this topic lol)

To me it's all about attitude. If someone has the right one, it doesn't matter to me WHAT they look like. I'm attracted to personality first and foremost and I know I'm not the only one out there, so you can certainly find a couple you feel comfortable with.

Good luck and I agree, don't call yourself fat. There are plenty of people in the world willing to beat up on you, so don't help them!

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

The people he is attracted to specify criteria like *HWP* or *fit cpls only*.

Surely, there must be some people who don't make this specification who are still attractive to him.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

He tells me "of course I like nice bodies but that's not what's most important to me. It's about a cpls attitude and the connection we have with them." Which sounds great... but for me (him too) it's physical attraction that inspires me to get to know the cpl and build the "connection" with.

If this is the case, then try getting to know some couples who aren't as physically attractive. It's possible you might end up connecting with them. One of Greg's all-time favorite playmates (who was sadly lost to brain cancer three years ago) was a lady he was not physically attracted to at first, but they turned out to have a remarkable chemistry together.

[Elusive BiFem]

I don't disagree with other posters in terms of finding others that he might be attracted to, but my take on your predicament is that it is you that feels out of place - or fat. Most often, we are our own worst enemies in that regard.

A thirty pound weight gain is something to concern yourself with but it isn't a huge amount either. It is quite common for people to gain weight when they have orthopedic problems. In part, this stems from lack of activity, but also, some of the medications can cause a greatly increased appetite (Medrol Dose Pac - steroid) as well as fluid retention. Also, I would imagine you have taken truckloads of anti-inflammatory drugs and it is recommended that you eat with that type of medication to avoid stomach problems. combine that with inability to be active, and....

So...as a first step, I would recommend consultation with your orthopod. If you are currently on meds, he might be able to change some of the prescriptions. If not, and especially if the weight gain is the result of steroids, it might be a rough road to weight loss, but it can be done. Drink lots and lots of water. In addition to filling you up, it also helps flush things from your system, hydrates your cells so that they can perform at their optimum, thereby increasing your metabolism. Also...eat. You may want to limit the quantity and type of foods you are eating, but try to eat even a couple of crackers and peanut butter, boiled eggs...something...every 3-4 hours. (That's my latest thing!) Seriously, tho', eating small amounts of appropriate foods frequently really does increase your metabolism and ultimately helps you lose weight. Also, it prevents you (me) from getting really hungry and pigging out on every potato chip and Hershey bar in town.

Now...while you are doing this stuff, do exactly what Naughty said. Stop referring to yourself as fat. "Fat" may be just your perception. Why not join him in the gym. You can do upper body work-outs to increase muscle tone and that will also dramatically increase your metabolism to aid in weight loss. And you know, personally, I've found that if I am actively involved in doing something, even when I've put on a few pounds, I feel one heck of a lot better about myself. And that feeling comes across in my attitude.

My sympathy...ankle surgeries are rough. - EBF

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

I don't disagree with other posters in terms of finding others that he might be attracted to, but my take on your predicament is that it is you that feels out of place - or fat. Most often, we are our own worst enemies in that regard.

A thirty pound weight gain is something to concern yourself with but it isn't a huge amount either. It is quite common for people to gain weight when they have orthopedic problems. In part, this stems from lack of activity, but also, some of the medications can cause a greatly increased appetite (Medrol Dose Pac - steroid) as well as fluid retention. Also, I would imagine you have taken truckloads of anti-inflammatory drugs and it is recommended that you eat with that type of medication to avoid stomach problems. combine that with inability to be active, and....

So...as a first step, I would recommend consultation with your orthopod. If you are currently on meds, he might be able to change some of the prescriptions. If not, and especially if the weight gain is the result of steroids, it might be a rough road to weight loss, but it can be done. Drink lots and lots of water. In addition to filling you up, it also helps flush things from your system, hydrates your cells so that they can perform at their optimum, thereby increasing your metabolism. Also...eat. You may want to limit the quantity and type of foods you are eating, but try to eat even a couple of crackers and peanut butter, boiled eggs...something...every 3-4 hours. (That's my latest thing!) Seriously, tho', eating small amounts of appropriate foods frequently really does increase your metabolism and ultimately helps you lose weight. Also, it prevents you (me) from getting really hungry and pigging out on every potato chip and Hershey bar in town.

Now...while you are doing this stuff, do exactly what Naughty said. Stop referring to yourself as fat. "Fat" may be just your perception. Why not join him in the gym. You can do upper body work-outs to increase muscle tone and that will also dramatically increase your metabolism to aid in weight loss. And you know, personally, I've found that if I am actively involved in doing something, even when I've put on a few pounds, I feel one heck of a lot better about myself. And that feeling comes across in my attitude.

My sympathy...ankle surgeries are rough. - EBF

Dito Dito
Some of the most attractive women we've met have been quite heavy. You sound like you're being really hard on yourself. Try giving yourself a good pampering: Do something to make yourself feel better. (note EBFs suggestions, and couple with a tanning session or a new hairstyle) Carry yourself with confidence, and let the world know you are hot.

[Time2Grow]

xxxxxxxxxx

[WesternSwing]

My wife and I are similar in situation. I don't work out much at all. But I am one of those people that just doesn't get past a certain weight, and I am in the "normal" range on the body mass index. So I am not buff, but not packing extra pounds either.

My wife wants to lose some weight though. I have known her from a size 10 up and back down to her present 14/16. I'm not hung up on it and she doesn't let it dominate her thoughts either. I like curvy women anyway. And we have found in the lifestyle that almost nobody cares either. It is the whole package they seem to care about. People she thought would never be interested in her (Barbie and Kens)... are. Every party we go to men and women are all over my wife. We don't lie on our profiles, we have pics, and we get lots of emails from others, too. So it really seems to be a non-issue.

This isn't a porn movie, it's real life. And in real life bodies aren't perpetually 25. People get older, they have kids, they gain weight, they get stretch marks, and gravity takes effect. It's the diversity that makes it fun.

Mr. WS

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

And in real life bodies aren't perpetually 25. People get older, they have kids, they gain weight, they get stretch marks, and gravity takes effect. It's the diversity that makes it fun.

Mr. WS

Boy howdy! If that ain't the truth! And you know, there comes a time when you just can't do a thing about it. - EBF

[DandR]

Hello.

I am one half of a couple who will be attending our first swing event later this month. Being a very large lady myself, I could not have been happier at the kind responses this comment recieved. I sure understand that everyone has their personal likes and dislikes, and as long as we all treat each other with respect-people don't have to feel badly. My husband loves BBWs. He is of average weight. Because I know my husband likes big women, I know that there must be more like him. It is still difficult to overcome the insecurity of not living up to society's "standards"-but reading such kind comments as this; helps so much. I do also have social stigmas to rid myself of, that I desire to rid myself of-and finding such openess and understanding in this lifestyle has gone a long way in reassuring me that this is a healthy choice for my life and my marriage. Even without the "bonus" of sex, the lure of intelligent, honest and caring people is a draw for me.

Thank you.
Peace

[potluck564]

Sometimes it seems like work, to get out & meet new couples... looking for that connection. The wife & I are not in the HWP category, but we have been surprised at the beautiful people we have met that aren't bothered by our sizes & appreciate our humor & company. They are out there! Keep looking.

To me it's all about attitude anyway.

[lynn3]

Ditto to all the above......what encouraging comments!!!!

Charisma + self-assurance= beauty! Some of the most beautiful people I've ever met or been attracted to were not necessarily the most fittest in the world. But the
'aura' surrounding them made them extremely sexy!

Likewise.....I've met some girls/guys who would be considered very attractive by our societies standards. Yet as soon as they spoke they were an instant turn-off. Their pompous "aren't I beautiful?" attitude literally makes them unattractive. Usually these types are VERY selfish in the bedroom, never even thinking of their partners needs. I guess they figure that just looking at them will make you cum...hehehe.

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by lynn3

Ditto to all the above......what encouraging comments!!!!

Charisma + self-assurance= beauty! Some of the most beautiful people I've ever met or been attracted to were not necessarily the most fittest in the world. But the
'aura' surrounding them made them extremely sexy!

Likewise.....I've met some girls/guys who would be considered very attractive by our societies standards. Yet as soon as they spoke they were an instant turn-off. Their pompous "aren't I beautiful?" attitude literally makes them unattractive. Usually these types are VERY selfish in the bedroom, never even thinking of their partners needs. I guess they figure that just looking at them will make you cum...hehehe.

Oh my goodness...I could not have said it better myself... From my mind to your fingertips... WE Must have seen the same people!

I have definety seen some "beautiful people" turn to crones right before my eyes as they rambled on about themselves and had the unfortunate joy of being with a "pillow queen".

Sensuality is what makes the most erotic and interesting partners not physical perfection. Thank you for saying it!

~Cat

[frenzb4sex]

My wife is 5'7.5" and has fluctuated between 135 lbs when we were married to almost double that after she had post partum following our first child. Now, there wasn't a time during that, even during our swinging times, that my wife wasn't worrying about something going on that made her feel insecure or not good enough.

After a while though, something clicked with her. She found that many men were not looking for statistics, but rather a real person to which her personality and combination of pretty looks made her an extremely attractive person (not that she wasn't already). Even in this self-realization and moment of clarity, she was able to see that I felt the same way about the people that we were meeting. We have partied with those that you would say are "bigger", but their personality was what really made them very sexy. In fact, we've also partied with those that some would consider "barbie" material, and while it was a great physical thing, it wasn't the same on the mental level that I have felt with some of those that don't come close to that category. These great looking females were not airheads, but even in meeting them there was insecurity in the way they looked, even though they were great--the most ironic thing is that many women who you would think would be more self-conscious are actually more secure with themselves than anyone else. And that is AWESOME and such a GREAT asset!!

The funny thing about this is, both of us do not regard us in the HWP category. When we see those that declare the world-famous "HWP" or "fit" we just click on by. It's a preference, and it's fine to be that way, but we don't want to feel like there's expectations to measure BMI when you talk to them in person.

This is by NO means a slam or anything on those that prefer to party with HWP or "Fit", it's just our experience, what we prefer, and our perspective. We've made many friends who may not be all for us in the swinging aspect, but are great people that we can just hang out and have a good time with.

Either way, it's probably better to discuss this in depth with your hubby. I would be willing to bet he will be able to quell some of those afterthoughts!!!

Tim

[ionsawmill]

I'm not hot, but I am "HWP". That doesn't mean much. I'm so out of shape that a walk to the mailbox has me winded. So, you see that "HWP" doesn't necessarily mean fit. I just have a high metabolism.

My wife is a BBW in the truest sense. She is, to me, one of the sexiest women I know.

We put our information in our profiles, and if nobody responds, we still have each other. They'll never know what they missed.