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  1. #1
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    Default Imperfect bodies?

    For a number of years I have participated in the swinging scene as a single male. I suddenly find myself dating a lady who doesn't yet know about that side of my life. I plan to tell her soon, but my question has to do with her appearance if she should decide to swing with me. You see, she had breast cancer and has had one breast removed. She is considering reconstructive surgery with an implant to replace the missing breast. Her remaining breast works fine and is sensitive to stimulation, but if she gets into swinging with me, how do you think that others will react when they find that she is missing one breast? Would she be accepted, or will her missing breast be a turn-off to others? Should she wait until she gets the surgery done? She and I both are over sixty-five years of age, and I find that not many people want to swing with someone of that age anyway.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    Right now I think you are putting the cart before the horse since you haven't told her about your lifestyle and she may not be interested at all. In the event that she is interested in swinging there is nothing stopping her from participating. I know a woman who had a double mastectomy and it didn't stop her from playing. She simply kept her mastectomy bra on for most people and eventually became comfortable enough to get completely naked with a few friends. As for age there are plenty of older swingers but you may have to try harder to find them.

  3. #3
    Swingers Board Addict Coupleerotic22's Avatar
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    Kind of jumping the gun a bit aren't you? Why not find out if she is remotely interested in swinging first. Or interested in you still, after you tell her about the lifestyle.

    It is difficult to say how well things would go. There will certainly be people that may be turned off, but likely to be those that find her attractive regardless. What may be more of an impact is her outlook on things. If she is confident and outgoing then that will attract people regardless, I would think. If she is self conscious and nervous about it then she probably won't get to many opportunities to find out how others will feel about it.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict bbarnsworth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    Me personally, it wouldn't dissuade me in the least.

  5. #5
    Being good is overrated sweet_tna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    Whoa, Pard'ner! You're getting a bit ahead of yourself, aren't you? First, you need to tell your lady about your lifestyle experiences and see how she reacts to that news. IF she's cool with it AND expresses an interest in joining you, THEN you can worry about how things would go for her with the mastectomy issue.

    That said, it wouldn't bother Mr. Sweet or me in the least; assuming we were interested up to that point.
    I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

  6. #6
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    To answer your question: Like almost everything else, it depends on the couple/person. Some will find it to be a turn off, others won't care one way or another.

    I'm not going to admonish you for getting things out of order. Nothing wrong with a little free thinking, and wondering about things before they are immediately important.
    It's a legitimate question that others might find useful.
    "I need a quickie"
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  7. #7
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    I have played with ladies that keep an article of clothing around their waist or keep their top on, usually they will say something to the affect that they prefer it that way and are more comfortable

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    Im with the others, I wouldn't worry about her masectomy issues at this stage.

    If she decides she wants to get involved, she will decide how she wants to handle the breast issue.

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Admin cplnuswing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    To answer the question, I don't think it will matter a bit. If having a perfect body was required to swing, then there would be no swingers

    If the chemistry is already there, then I don't believe a playmate would call a halt to things when they find out. I would say though that it is something that she might want to casually mention before things really get hot and heavy. That would be totally unexpected probably, and to allay any mood-killing sudden fears someone might have about inadvertently causing her physical discomfort or feeling bad that they might have hurt her feelings by having a shocked look on their face when they first saw or felt something that was totally unexpected.

    I don't think you have things out of order at all. It's always better to work your way through any issues real or perceived up front than it is to try to do it on the fly. I would say just about everyone had some type concerns before they got into swinging, worked through them first in their own mind like you are doing here, and then hopefully shared their thoughts with each other and worked through them together too, and then decided how to proceed from there.
    Last edited by cplnuswing; 01-20-2011 at 09:13 AM.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    Hi howie1222. to this wonderful Board.

    What a great question and really, I guess it just depends on other people. Some might not want to have sex with me because they don't like blue eyes, or they want a blond or they want smaller boobs, or bigger boobs or a smaller butt. Do you see where this is leading? Yeah, I thought so.

    Some people are really accepting in this lifestyle. At least I can say that where we live. I have a few scars that I'm a little self-conscience over, but others don't seem to care. I think it's my self-conscience that has me all worked up. My play partners couldn't give a rip about it. We're all not perfect, that's for sure.

    Out of curiosity, what do you think you're lady will say when you tell her you swing? I don't mean to be nosy, but just curious. I wouldn't even know what to say to break it to her.
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  11. #11
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    Quote Originally Posted by howie1222 View Post
    For a number of years I have participated in the swinging scene as a single male. I suddenly find myself dating a lady who doesn't yet know about that side of my life. I plan to tell her soon, but my question has to do with her appearance if she should decide to swing with me. You see, she had breast cancer and has had one breast removed. She is considering reconstructive surgery with an implant to replace the missing breast. Her remaining breast works fine and is sensitive to stimulation, but if she gets into swinging with me, how do you think that others will react when they find that she is missing one breast? Would she be accepted, or will her missing breast be a turn-off to others? Should she wait until she gets the surgery done? She and I both are over sixty-five years of age, and I find that not many people want to swing with someone of that age anyway.
    First off....how do you even know she would be interested? It appears this relationship is fairly new and I think you should cultivate that first. Years ago I was at a lifestyle resort and there was a woman present who had a double mastectomy. I gave her credit for sunbathing nude and being proud of who she was and while I didn't see her partaking in any "activity", that doesn't mean she didn't behind closed doors.

    Its rare to find people with perfect bodies and we ALL have imperfections, scars from surgery, skin issues etc.

    Your best bet at this time, and I have to agree with the other posters, is that you are putting the cart before the horse. I think you have to be VERY CAREFUL about how you broach the subject with a gal like this. If you tell her you want to get back into swinging with her, she MIGHT assume you find her unnatractive because of her condition and will resent you for this.

    Allow me to give a little unsolicited advice with regards to the subject. You might wish to talk about your pasts some night over dinner and at that time you can bring up what you used to be involved with. Nothing more, not asking if she was interested etc. If she is interested she will tell you. If not, then just consider yourself lucky to be with a woman who you seem to click with and enjoy your time together.

    I was very upfront with Mrs Fun when we met. I told her about my past from the start so there were no suprises. I maintained many of my lifestyle friends after my divorce and I knew she would immediately notice some things when she met them. It was HER choice to enter the lifestyle with me as a couple. I was just very thankful that I was able to find a woman whom I love dearly and vice versa. I still would have kept my lifestyle friends, but not for play.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    I can understand why you might have this question before bringing it up to her. You don't want to see her get hurt by negative reception... why bring it up at all if all that will happen is her wanting to do it only to find out she's not accepted and being hurt.

    To answer your question, I've found that many people are attracted to "different", to scars, to those things that we often perceive as really negative ourselves (others find them unique). If she's really uncomfortable about it she can keep her top on. However, I think that if she has a great personality and people want to be around her on that basis, that her lack of breast will not be an issue. None of us have perfect bodies.
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  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict Coupleerotic22's Avatar
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    Default Re: Imperfect bodies?

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    I've found that many people are attracted to "different", to scars, to those things that we often perceive as really negative ourselves (others find them unique).
    Julie is right. I have numerous scars, all injury related, so I would imagine they don't have the personal impact I would think a mastectomy would (male talking here so I have no basis of knowledge). I tend to forget about the scars until someone mentions them. Some people are oddly curious about them, even turned on. I don't really get it, to me they are just another part of me.

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