Anal for him but not me? What gives!

[lukeaduke20]

My wife and i just had a MFM threesome last weekend and had a great time, everything turned out wonderfully. I didnt get bothered at the time and only after thinkning about it did i question the fact that he got anal but i havent had it in nearly a year!. When i brought it up she said that my penis was much thicker and it causes her a great deal of discomfort... I can appreciate that and it was enjoyable to watch!, but i always operated under the impression that bigger was better!!!

Has this occured in anyone elses expirences? Should we reserve somethings for ourselves, or just go with the flow?

[BiloxiCouple]

Bigger is better unless it hurts.

Reserving something for yourselves is up to you, not us.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by lukeaduke20

Should we reserve somethings for ourselves, or just go with the flow?

It is completely up to you. There is no right or wrong answer to this. I'd say that her discomfort with your size should have been talked about at some point. I am surprised she didn't do that with you for a year and never said why. Communication is extremely important in a marriage - and even more so in a swinging marriage.

Mrs Spoo tells me that my thickness is the reason we don't (we have tried and it has never really worked without pain). So - we just don't. Not with each other and not with play partners.

Spoomonkey

[LikeMinds321]

I'd like to expand on what BiloxiCouple said.

I don't think bigger is always better (with either anal or vaginal sex), it's just different.

And, if bigger hurts, it's never better (unless you're into pain).

I think first it's important to understand why you'd want to reserve some sexual activities only for each other. If it's because you feel "if I can't give it to her than no one should" I think that's a reason that will present problems for you during swinging. It is a reason motivated by feeling you're inadequate, which isn't something you should feel at all. Just because a partner can provide an experience to your wife that you can't, doesn't mean you're lacking or not a good lover.

Swinging provides an extraordinary opportunity to experience sex in new ways because you are with different people. That's one of the best things about swinging for me and Mr LM.

Imagine you are a man who loves oral, but your wife rarely (maybe never) gives you oral because she finds your size uncomfortable in her mouth. You find a play partner who can easily handle your size and gives you great oral. Would you want to pass that up again? Would you want your wife telling you that you can't have that because she can't provide it? Probably not.

Since it has been a year since you and your wife tried anal, you might want to give it a try again. Maybe the first time you went at it too aggressively, or didn't use enough lube, or didn't include enough preparation time to ready her, or maybe her bowels weren't ready to handle the experience at the moment (that can make a BIG difference in comfort). There are so many factors to consider with anal. I enjoy it, but don't find it comfortable every time we try, so we wait until another time.

Talk to your wife about your feelings and listen to hers. I think you'll find a solution that will make you both happy.

LM

[havefuninsun]

Bigger is NOT better where anal is concerned for me. We've talked and at the moment, reserve anal for each other. However, our rules seem to change (or disappear, as it were ) with time, so this may too at some point.

[curiousswingers]

We have a similar issue, hubby is quite large and NO it does not feel good for anal, but we have a play partner that makes it work quite well facelick We have also in the past had the play partner....um clear the way so to speak and then hubby also did anal after him and that felt quite nice so maybe that is an option for you at some point.

[des1re06]

Have the same problem with hubby-too big and ouchie!

We've decided that if I can't with him, I won't at all. Just us.

I have been reading about how to prepare the anus to receive larger, so that might help your wife to try that if she's interested.

Mrs. D

[Twolovers01]

We have reserved ANAL for just us. Plus she's not a huge fan of it anyways. But it is something that we will not do with anyone else...

[blondie77]

Personally I agree with the others above and I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but yeah, bigger is only better if it doesn't hurt. Personally, I don't care for anal, but my hubby loves it. I've done it in the past and liked it, but the guy wasn't very well endowed so it didn't hurt at all. My hubby is very well endowed, and I just can't get past the pain whenever we try. So we've come to a compromise. He doesn't get offended when I turn him down (of course he doesn't ask anymore) because he knows it's painful for me. However, he gets the pleasure of anal sex with a gal we play with, so we both win. I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I don't think your wife is insulting you intentionally....you're just too big for her. Which is quite a compliment in itself, isn't it? tehee!

[WildMiCouple]

I'll defer to the women's point of view on the size issue But it makes sense to me if he was smaller, then going there with him would be much more enjoyable. Tam really doesn't go their much with me unless she's really buzzed. And then I hear about it the next morning.....week.....month....well you get the picture :rollseyes

Originally Posted by lukeaduke20

Should we reserve somethings for ourselves, or just go with the flow?

You're obviously out of your comfort zone with her doing something with another guy that she won't/can't do with you. You'll find the comfort zone issue will come up now and then. It's best to get it squared around before you play again. And having rules doesn't mean the comfort zone won't be pushed again. Even we experienced swingers without rules have our comfort zone bumped every now and then. It's no different than having an issue come up in your everyday life. And usually, the one pushing the comfort zone doesn't even know it. So ironing it out now, as it seems you're doing, allows you to have an enjoyable next time.

Good luck,
Brett

[sexcupid]

There are some things we reserve just for ourselves (certain role play and very rough sex to name a few). And we are ok for the most part where that is concerned.

I am not a huge fan of anal sex, but have done it a few times and liked it.

The first partner I tried it with was average size (5-6 inches, ok girth)...but he always used anal as sort of a 'punishment' for lack of a better description (when he was pissed off about something). No prep time, he at least used lube though, still didn't like it.

The second partner I tried it with was my ex-hubby and he was above average size (8.5-9 inches girth was ok too...not too thin not too fat around) and we would take spells where we would have anal sex a few times a week...then none for a year. But he was always respectful, took his time and I knew he would stop/slow down/add more lube/etc. if I asked, so even though he was larger it was a pretty good overall experience.

Another playmate that I tried it with was less than average in length and girth and we had no problems having anal a few times. He used plenty of lube...but prep time was minimal because of his size.

My current SO and I have tried it a few times...but quite honestly I am not sure about doing it with him. The times we've done it I have had a few to drink and tend to already be physically relaxed. Some times he doesn't spend enough time prior to wanting to slide in, and listening to him talk sometimes does not put my mind at ease (yeah, he may just be having some guy talk and the saner part of my mind knows this...but the instinct of 'what if he really does think like that and just goes on and does it regardless?!' kicks in and makes me nervous). He is average length and kind of on the thicker side of girth (not like a coke can or anything...but is a nice full feeling).

Bigger definitely is not always better in some instances.

On one hand, you have a partner that can do something for you that your regular partner can not (and that goes both ways...if you like anal and find a playmate that does or if they can deep throat you or whatever it is that your SO may not be able to do for you) and that's cool for a new experience. OTOH, your regular partner is thinking, 'wtf? you can't/won't/don't do that for me?!'


Good luck,
Maria

[WesternSwing]

Mrs. WS loves anal with the right guy, and that has allot to do with whether or not she trusts him and of course, size.

When we first started swinging we reserved that for just ourselves since even though she'd been married before and had plenty of boyfriends before me, I was the only one she'd had anal with and she was 1) very nervous to try it with others, and 2) we wanted something just between us.

As we became more experienced that was no longer an issue. We have plenty between us besides sex acts.

But, I can see how you'd feel dissed. She did something for him that she doesn't do often for you. I can see how that would bother you some. But, it may all come down to size and she probably wants you more than anyone, but it will just take more TLC than you usually have time for as a married couple. I know for us sex is usually a pretty quick event between kids interrupting us, or after we finally get the kids down and the house buttoned-up for the night we're so tired we just want a quick fuck and go to sleep. No time for funny stuff. But when we are away from home, and that usually is swinging, than we have lots of time with our playmates and with each other.

You also provided her with a very, very sexy situation, one in which she felt comfortable to let herself go like that. And like I said, you gave her that. You may not have done her in the ass, but you made it safe for it to happen. And if she enjoys it, great. You said it was hot, too!

My advice from having been there... talk about it and decide if it is something you're okay with happening again. You are new at this and you are bound to cross a few lines you didn't even know existed yet. So don't be too hard on each other or yourselves. It's how you handle it when it happens that makes the difference.

Mr. WS

[friskyous]

Mrs F does anal at times when we play with our regulars.. I'm not that into doing it myself but I find it very hot that she lets him.

[twohots4u2]

We have found that the secret to good anal sex is for the woman to cum first, be real hot and sexually excited, use lots of lube, loosen her up first with fingers, and then go slow and gentle in putting your dick in the first time.

Tina, a small Asian, was very reluctant to try anal because she thought it would hurt, even though my dick is modest size (6"X5"). Previously, any dick larger than mine gave her great discomfort and so we avoided those type guys when we swung. And, we avoided any guy or couple who wanted anal.

The first change in her attitude toward anal came after an unusual event we had. We were discussing anal and she asked me, "How about if I do you with my strap-on." What could I do but say, "Why yes, of course, Honey." So, she did, I found I really enjoyed it, and she really got a power trip from doing me.

Two weeks later, we had an MFM with a guy who was a very skilled lover, had a very large (9"X6") dick, and was long lasting. The MFM changed her. He and I warmed her up for an hour with foreplay and oral until she came hard. Then, he gently worked his dick in her, went no deeper than 6 inches at her request, and had sex with her for about 45 minutes before he came. After that we talked about anal, he told us that he had given many women their first anal, and she agreed to try. After he and I warmed her up again with oral and rimming, we used our fingers and lots of lube to loosen up her anus, and then he gently worked his dick in her ass. This time she found that she loved him in her ass, going in all the way to the bottom, pounding her hard, and giving her anal for a long time (almost an hour). She found that she likes anal better than vaginal sex. So now we have expanded our sexual horizons, again.

Suggest that you discuss more with your wife about how anal can be successfully done, be patient, and don't pressure her. Good luck!

[FloridaFlirt]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

Bigger is better unless it hurts.

Reserving something for yourselves is up to you, not us.

Dito