Keeping partner within touching distance in Group encounters

[maybeyes1968]

At a group encounter is it wrong to expect your partner to be within touching distance. I have never done this and my partner wants too ...... how ever when I mentioned to him that I wanted him within touching distance ..... he told me that this was not an exceptable request ..... what does happen at these things ???

[VegasLee]

In a group encounter you can be next to him or not. Depends on where it is done and how it is done.

If you wish for him to be close to you for you to be involved in this then there is not real reason he should not comply with that wish. If he can not understand it, don't be involved.

[maybeyes1968]

Hi Lee!!!
Thanks for your reply ..... have have just read your reply out loud to hubby .....

He wasn't me to ask this next ..... is it wrong of me to expect him to be no more then arms length away at any time during the encounter??

He feels that I'm asking something of him that will not be within his control. He says that he feels like I am placing a leash on him.

Did you get the same idea ???

[Chip_n_Muffy]

A leash is not that bad an idea ............ try to get a matching collar.

Chip

[maybeyes1968]

Hi Chip !

Thank you for the smile !!!!

Do you think that my request is that off ???? I explained that I want to play .... together as a couple ..... if your not near each other then how is that playing together ?????

Thanks ..... Paula

[maybeyes1968]

In his defense I must add that he has also said that we should not do the group thing because he fears that there might be the possiblity he will be racked over the coals due to my request. So he feels that we should just do this with another couple ... one on one .... or with another man or women ....

[Chip_n_Muffy]

This is my personal opinion. If you make a reasonable request, and I consider close proximity reasonable, then your hubby should honor that and play within the boundaries you agreed as a couple to. On the flip side of the coin, you will have to understand that although he may try to comply, sometimes these things do get out of hand in the heat of the moment. Also understand that the rules you set now will probably fall by the wayside as you both gain experience and comfort. I can certainly understand why as a newbie you want him near you. It is a comfort and a sense of safety. Your comfort level and need for safety will change in time. I still prefer Muffy by my side when we play, but have relaxed that boundary to a preference instead of a hard limit. So I guess what I think is, you should both the the best you can for each other.

Chip

[maybeyes1968]

Thank you again Chip !

We will chat more tonight when he gets home from work ...... SMILES !!!!

He does understand my needs ...... he just has some issues that he needs to work out. And yes I know that the rules with change with time and experience !!!!!!!!!!! I have passed experience ..... but not with a someone that I care so deeply for !!!!!!!!!!

Warm Regards ....
Paula

[lovedoctor]

I think it's reasonable, especially if you are not very experienced or confident at this swinging stuff yet. A couple/couple thing might be easier logistically for your first few encounters. You only go as fast as the slowest person wants you to, if he can't agree to it up front and then follow through, don't play.

[imsnowman]

I think that it might be difficult in a group situation to stay in arm's length. Actually, it would probably be difficult even in a threesome or with just one other couple to always be within arm's length. I can imagine that your husband would have to spend a significant portion of his time thinking about where he is in relation to you rather than the person with whom he's playing. Consider what would happen if he was at one end of his play partner and you were at the other end of yours.
That said, it sounds like your real concern is not be able to share the experience and you've decided that arm's length will help there. Perhaps you could start with the threesome or another couple and stay on the same bed.

[intuition897]

Maybeyes,I don't think that it's unreasonable for a first time. If you've never been to a club at all before, I'd say make the first trip just to watch and play only together (as in, don't play with others). For a first time, maybe you'd rather try a more intimate setting, as you suggested, with one other couple. Having never been to an on-premises club, I can't say how realistic the arms-length rule actually is. But perhaps, if this is a rule you MUST have in place in order to be comfortable, it would be wise to explain exactly why you feel it is necessary, and what it means to you. Do you want the rule so that he doesn't disappear and "forget" about you? Is it because you are concerned for your own safety and want the security of knowing you've got some back-up right there at your side if you need emotional support, or perhaps (worst case scenario) physical protection? IS it a leash? I think maybe both of you have good intentions; you just need to explain them to each other.

[maybeyes1968]

Hi Everyone !!

Thank you for your replies ..... I want this to be something that we experience as a couple ....... I'm not into full swap ..... soft swap is what I feel comfortable with. We have decided to attended the group and he will sit with me and watch. We have gone to a club and we sat back and watched .... really enjoyed the night .... was very different. Not really what either of us had expected.

I want to share this experience with him ..... SHARE .... not sit back later at home and say ..... Oh my did you see that guy I was with ... man he really knew how to .... OR god there was that red head and she really got me hot when she ..... I want him to see what he says he's there to see and share ..... we are doing this to learn and experiment. I want to be able to see what he's enjoying and I want him to be able to do the same ...... after all ..... we both want to see each other being pleased. If he's off in a corner with whom and how ever many ...... and visa virsa ..... if I'm off in a corner ..... THEN what are we experincing as a couple ...... that is sex with someone else not a shared experience between us !!!!!!!!!

I did share this with him and what I understood as ..."what we are looking to gain from this" ..... we both want to be able to use the experince as a tool of excitement when we are together ..... he is VERY visual and I also enjoy him sharing his ideas and wants with me ..... we both get off on this sharing .... I want this to be something that we ..... I want this to be an additional tool ..... an experience that we have together ...... he has past group experience ...... I do not!

We will chat more about this ... but I started this because he make the comment about the leash and it really really throw me back!!!!!! SO I thought that maybe I was being ..... well ...... unfair to him !!!!! However ..... I have to say that in order for this to work ..... we really need to understand and except each others needs and wants .....

We share see !!!!!

Again .... Thanks to all
Warm Regards .... Paula

[LOL_OMG]

Hi Paula! I would guess that at least part of the reason you want to be in arm's length is because you're a bit nervous. That's perfectly understandable to me, in fact we started out the same way. I wanted to know that if I wasn't having a great time I could just /poke him and maybe he could then spend some one-on-one time with yours truly. After all, if it's new then it's the unknown for you and that in itself can be exciting as well as a bit scarey.

The more we have experienced, and the better we get to know people, the more relaxed we've become and I would expect that could happen to you as well.

Mrs LOL

[WesternSwing]

Paula, your request is very valid and I don't think anybody would think twice about you having this rule. If they did they wouldn't be worth you playing with. What your hubby is thinking probably comes from common misconceptions about the Lifestyle, clubs, and parties. You play by the rules that you are comfortable with and I'd guarantee anybody in the lifestyle that's worth their weight in condoms will abide by them. We all were newbies once.

Mr. WS

[xxoticangel]

In the begining we had a lot of rules and I don't think yours is unreasonable at all. Over time our rules eroded to a basic few and I would guess that if you stay in the lifestyle yours will too. In our expierence most people would have no problem with your arms distance rule. A word of advice though, don't freak out if he gets 6" too far away. It will happen during positions changes. When it does just adjust yourself back to a distance you are comfortable with.

One of our few remaining rules is same room but we actually prefer to be in the same bed. Part of the attraction of swinging is being with more than one partner at the same time. We get 1-on-1 guy/girl sex at home.