Do the ladies prefer Gentlemen or Cavemen?

[Spoomonkey]

Okay - here's the thing...

I am a gentleman...

Maybe too much of one, but I am not sure - so I thought I'd ask you fine folks!

When I am in a club, I am not uber-aggressive. I like to move slow, to make sure that I am not crossing any lines - that all of my "actions" are welcome. I can be aggressive - very much so - but the first time playing, I like to move a little bit slower. And, once outside of the playroom (say the next time I see a woman) I don't "assume" that I can bury my tongue down her throat... I tend to be a little more "reserved" about that.

Now - the women I have played with twice get more of a "full sense" of spoomonkey - but at that point, I have a pretty good feel of what is okay and what's not.

But here's my question - and I think it is a pretty good one...

As a "swing wife" what do you prefer? Do you enjoy a more reserved guy who is keeping himself in check to make sure of what you like? Or are you more interested in a "take charge" kind of guy who goes for what he wants, letting you either enjoy or reject what he is doing?

My instinct, having been in the lifestyle is actually the latter - that women like a guy to be a bit more aggressive. But - I wanted to hear from you guys. Help me guage it. The perfect playmate is somewhere between gentleman and caveman. But... Where?

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

I prefere somewhere in the middle. I don't want to have to wonder if the guy is really into me or if he really wants to be there. But at the same time I don't want to have beat him off with a stick.

[TNT]

Ted here... I am definitely the reserved gentleman. I have probably missed out on some chances because of it, but I have never been rejected either. I would be horrified if I found that I was thought pushy or making unwanted advances. I have seen the caveman type and some are great guys, I just don't want the burden of saying no to me to be placed on a lady. When she gives me the green light I'll show my stuff.


Teresa here...I'm with Julie on this one, I like the in the middle type. Someone who will definitely let me know he's into me, but not someone whom I have to constantly move his hands away from me or dodge his lips all night. That gets old real quick and I hate having to come right out and tell a guy to cool it, so when I'm faced with a man that is overly aggressive I find I spend most of the night trying to be in a different place than he is.


TNT

[cobracpl]

I know my wife likes the "confident" guy and I know that borders on agressive but that doesn't mean that whenever he sees her she is free to be pawed, carressed, kissed, or fondled. That happens during play. I don't ever want to be told to "cool it", so I am a lot reserved in that regard but once things start I know what to do. Even in the straight world (non lifestyle) friends give hugs to my wife, but I do not solicite them from the other wifes, even though I would like them. If the other woman doesn't offer the hug I wont initiate. I know I lose some great hugs this way but better to feel better about myself than to be thought of as pushy or perverted.

Lets say If we were to attend a party or club, I wouldn't want another guy thinking he has full access to my wife at all times, even though we might have played with him previously. It should be almost as if he would treat us like friends and then see if we were interested in playing with him that night, not just assume he is that sure thing. He might not be what we were looking for. So my suggestion is to be cool until that time of agreement, then be confident in what you want and procede from there. Just my views on this.

mike n casey

[SnozzberryBlu]

Heidi Ho!

Me... I love a gentleman.. now not one who hides in a corner and gives me no inkling that he is interested... though to me that is hardly a gentleman, more like a hermit forced out of his recliner at home lol!

Total turn offs to me are men who paw, grope.. or ugh.. drool! There is one guy at our club that thinks he is the god of kissing... he should be an ENT with the range he has on that tongue. He nearly strangles me! I don't kiss him anymore. Another one leers at me whenever I am within 20 feet.. a third talks so filthy he would make most LSers blush, and this is supposed to turn me on too, you can tell. One guy thought since he was sitting at the table next to ours and I stood up (facing the other direction) that it was ok to lift my skirt up... needless to say, these guys will never come near me naked!

On the other hand, we have a few couples we have been with and the men are sweet, caring, yet sexy and seem to know when and how to grab my ass in just the right way. Because they look me in the eye, don't gawk, and talk to me about everything from politics to idiot drivers.... I feel like a human being. That, for me, allows me to then feel like a very SEXY human being... which, of course, benefits them in the end too!

So... Caveman? Come on... I left those bozos in Jr High! LOLOLOL

[CB_n_Red]

Red has been telling me recently that maybe I should be more aggressive.... that is, I should take charge a bit more. Like Spoo, I've always tended to want "to make sure that I am not crossing any lines - that all of my "actions" are welcome. "

Tricky one and it's probably down to the way I was brought up. With hindsight I can think of numerous occasions where I should have lead rather more.

The good bit is that Red has said I should practice being more dominant. That is proving to be a lot of fun!

Red says she prefers that middle way. She likes a bloke to be positive but not overbearing.

CB

[HotMoCpl]

Hey,

I like a "take charge" kind of woman. I'm not into S&M or bondage, but I don't mind if the woman bosses me around and tells me what to do.

[intuition897]

Great post Spoomonkey!

A combination of gentleman and caveman is good. Too far in either direction and it becomes a challenge to endure an entire evening in their company. Yes, even being too gentlemanly. If he's too afraid of offending me to do anything, well that's no fun.

Personally, I find an assertive gentleman who shows self-control sexy. One that lets you know in no uncertain terms that he finds you attractive, but at the same time makes you feel completely comfortable with being in charge of the direction that play goes in. Mr. is very much this way. I like to believe that chivalry is not dead; no, we don't like to dress him up in armor and have him call me 'M'Lady' or anything :rollseyes: but I like it when men treat women with respect, dignity and courtesy. I am NOT offended when a man holds the door for me with a smile and some flirty eye contact. Makes my day, actually.

The 'Alpha Male Syndrome' is just lost on me. What a waste of time. It's almost laughable when men puff themselves up like a banty rooster and act all cool and aloof. And if they manage to get themselves into bed with us, try to boss me around calling me a b**ch?? I don't think so. Being passionate is ok, and rough sex is definitely ok too as long as the feelings are mutual...but don't EVER call me a b**tch unless you want your ass booted permanently out of my bed. I'm just saying, let's aim for the gallant and noble caveman.

[ALilOEverything]

I always like a gentleman. But a gentleman can take some initiative and not be aggressive. Aggressive men are a real turn off for me but also one who is totally passive doesn't do it for me either. So I like a man to take a little initiative but not to be pushy about it.

[graygo98]

Spoo

Great question... one that has been on my mind recently. And the responses were great too... I gained a lot of insight.

But.... the consensus seems to be..., aggressive, but not too aggressive; a gentleman, but not too gentle. Hard to really see where the line is, isn't it?

So, for me, I guess I'll stick with going with what feels right and appropriate for the situation. If I err, I'd rather err on the side of too laid back than too pushy. But, still, in the back of my mind I'll be wondering, "Should I push this a little harder?" (No pun intended)

[macallan_neat]

We've wondered about this too.

I've always held back. I see it as being a gentleman. My wife has said I can afford to be more aggressive.

The problem is I don't know what "more aggressive" looks like. I think I know what "overbearing" looks like.

But what does a gentlemanly caveman look like?

Ladies -- describe the dance we men need to do to help make your evening spectacular. When, where (if?) does he touch you upon meeting or during conversation? How long does he hold your gaze? When does he move closer?

And the big one -- what does an invitation to be more aggressive look like?

-- Mac

[Sin D]

Dito with what Julie said.

[DandS]

Interesting question. Made me think back to a night at the club a few months ago. We were sitting at the table with two other couples.

The Mr of the first couple was very much a genlteman, talked with me, smiled, winked, told me I was beautiful, flirted, did not try to feel me up while we danced. He did reach over and touch my leg once or twice during the evening. I knew he was interested but not aggressive about it.

The Mr of the second coule I happened to find more attractive but he did not hesitate to put his hands all over me, kissed me with his tounge buried way down my throat while we were dancing, seemed every time I stood up he was lifting my skirt, etc. Just way to aggressive for my comfort level.

We ended up with the first couple that night and he did move slow and didnt cross any lines but definitely made sure I had fun. We have been with them a couple of times since that night and he has gotten more aggressive once in the bedroom because he now knows what I like. They have turned into one of our favorite playmates.

We've seen the agressive couple at the club several times since then but have never hooked up with them as even though I find him attractive the caveman approach is just a turn off for me.

I want a male to be confident, I want to know he is interested in me, just not overly pushy about it.

D

[biblonde]

We dont go to clubs but when we meet guys as part of a couple I like a true gentelman. Someone who isnt pushy. Been there did that ....had one think it was okay sticking his tounge down my throat when we first meet. He didnt get very far!! I do like a guy that lets me lead the way. I dont mind a hug when meeting but....unless I start the kiss or he askes if he can kiss me...dont do it! My hubby is the quieter type and lets the women pick the speed at which they go and that is the kinda guy I like to meet. I do like to know that there is an interest and flirting is cool! I hate totally quiet types in men and women...those that have nothing to say and sit there like they are being punished bore me to death!

So Spoo....sounds to me like you are the kind we like to meet. Most women like the Gentelmen type that act like real men and not dogs in heat!

[Goodguyvegas71]

I think its all about taking chances. Like when playing a slot machine. Ya know eather your going to win or lose. I have had to break out of the shy mode alot of times.
Yes I can be agresive, but only when I feel comfortabe to do so. The worst thing a single guy can do I think is to after the night is over say to himself... I wonder what could have happened if I.....