Learning how to please others the way they want to be pleased

[Spoomonkey]

I know... I know...

I said we were taking a break...

But - in a last minute decision to "just go and play pool" we went to the club Friday night. We've had some really bad news this past week (well, actually, a lot of it) and we really didn't want it to beat us. We wanted to feel normal again - so we went to the club.

Mrs Spoomonkey was on fire on the pool table - leading our charge to the three victory limit. I earned three bucks pole dancing - which I can't decide what that says about the crowd...

But after a great evening - the kind that we had been needing - we were just about to walk out when this really good looking couple (I mean - WOW!) stopped us to talk. I turned on the Spoomonkey charm and after a nice long chat - we all ended up writhing about in a pretty blissful state. It was one of those nights when the missus and I both have a wonderful time and everything just seemed to click.

But here's my question after a long explanation of what the heck we were doing out in the first place...

All women are different. I am pretty good at oral and have learned over time how to push every button on Mrs Spoomonkey just perfectly. That said, I often find myself kind of poking around for a bit before I find the combination on other women.

This past play time - I watched the fem of the other couple go down on Mrs Spoomonkey and decided to do to her what she did to my wife... She was very "hard" in her approach - which Mrs Spoomonkey doesn't enjoy, really.

Other times we have played, though, Mrs Spoo has privately complained later that the oral she received from the others was way too passive. She likes it to be right in the middle of the road...

So - how do you get to that perfect rythym, perfect pressure, with people that you have just met? I spend many hours a week perfecting my approach to Mrs Spoomonkey's pleasure - and even now I still learn a little something most of the time I am down there. But how do you go from being "Master of you own domain" to Alexander-esque world conquering tongue guy?

And for the women - no one is going to know you as well as your SO - but what have you had your partners do that really seems to "level the playing field"?

Spoomonkey

PS - I've never had any complaints and am a plucky individual who doesn't give up easily. I'd just like to borrow some of the tricks of others.

PPS - and now, back to our scheduled hiatus...

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

So - how do you get to that perfect rythym, perfect pressure, with people that you have just met? I spend many hours a week perfecting my approach to Mrs Spoomonkey's pleasure - and even now I still learn a little something most of the time I am down there. But how do you go from being "Master of you own domain" to Alexander-esque world conquering tongue guy?

We don’t know if there is an ideal way to do this quickly. Even though your time with a new partner may be limited, you can try you best to experiment with a variety of techniques and watch carefully how she responds to each one. However, you should keep in mind that just being with a new partner is very exciting in itself, so don’t psyche yourself out worrying too much about your technique. Besides, you’re not going to be having frequent sex for the next few decades with these new partners, so if your lovemaking style doesn’t click with a few of them, it shouldn’t be that big a deal.

[Chika]

I think that part of the fun of this lifestyle is experiencing techniques that perhaps are different from what you are accustomed to in your full-time relationship. Sometimes you discover that something you didn't know would excite you is actually quite pleasant. OK maybe even much more than simply pleasant. lol

The other side of this is that one of the great things about knowing yourself sexually is that you communicate your likes and dislikes. That's one of the things that I think we learn in our maturity. We can say, "Oh, that's wonderful. More. Yes." Or we can say, "Harder, softly now, put that there, oh yes." It's all part of that feedback loop that you have to have going on to give or get good sex. It need not be demanding or demeaning when said but it gives guidance to both new and old lovers and playmates.

The point is that no one is "expert" enough to automatically know which buttons to push with a new playmate. But a lot of "How's that? Feel good?" questions can really help draw the roadmap for this new body that you're experiencing. And giving feedback rather that simply lying there leaving the other person to guess is critical. That's our theory anyway and it seems to work for us both.

Chika

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Chika

. . . The point is that no one is "expert" enough to automatically know which buttons to push with a new playmate. But a lot of "How's that? Feel good?" questions can really help draw the roadmap for this new body that you're experiencing. And giving feedback rather that simply lying there leaving the other person to guess is critical. That's our theory anyway and it seems to work for us both.

Chika

Chika expresses my thoughts perfectly. Going into my first swing experience I had decided this was the way I had to approach playing.

With Mr Playmate, I was the one who first asked, Would you like me to do 'A' or 'B'? He quickly realized that it was okay to ask me what I wanted.

I don't expect to know what my playmates like, I will ask and look for signs that they're experiencing pleasure. I will also tell them what I like.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect Spoomonkey - you have way more to offer playmates than just your tongue. A monkey's mind is a very sexy asset.

LM

[N&G]

I've found that every woman is different and sometimes it takes a little while to figure out what works. Of course when all else fails I can simply ask! The problem that I sometimes have is when a woman doesn't show any response and I have no idea if anything is working at all. Sometimes I'm not even sure if I'm hitting the right spot since there are a few clits that are very hard to find. When I ask if they want me to do anything different they always say "You are doing just fine". I never know if that is true or if I'm doing someting wrong or maybe it's just not working for them that night.


Greg

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by N&G

When I ask if they want me to do anything different they always say "You are doing just fine".

Bingo, Greg!

That's what I have gotten... And it is the absolute worst answer in the world...

I am so used to Mrs. Spoomonkey's thrashing and squealing that "you're doing just fine" seems a little weak in comparison.



Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect Spoomonkey - you have way more to offer playmates than just your tongue. A monkey's mind is a very sexy asset.

Hmmm...

Prove it

I am pretty comfortable with myself in a play situation. I mean, I am pretty fun and think I really engage with my playmates well, but it is that occassional time when (especially during oral sex) you just feel like you are "beating around the bush" so to speak...

But - I am glad to say that even though oral didn't work for her that night - she did leave happy

Spoomonkey

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Spoomonkey - you have way more to offer playmates than just your tongue. A monkey's mind is a very sexy asset.
LM

His tongue and his mind are just among his very many other sexy assets!!

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Chika

I think that part of the fun of this lifestyle is experiencing techniques that perhaps are different from what you are accustomed to in your full-time relationship.

Thanks for the great insight Chicka, Greg & Sheryl!

I will admit - I am reluctant to ask... I'm not sure why... Hmmm - stubbornness, perhaps? I have always been one of those guys who really enjoys figuring things out - but you're right, one night stands don't exactly give you the time you need to figure it all out...

I will start raising my hand a little more...

Of course, I may be asking questions with my mouth full.

Spoomonkey

[good times]

It is amazing to me Spoo, how often you bring up a subject that I've been pondering.

I had a similar experiance this weekend, I was administering tongue action to a lady in a way that Mrs. GT finds very satisfying and the woman seemed to be responding appropriately and when I was just getting into it she wanted to quit. Since then I've been wondering "was she done", or was she just not enjoying it? What made me think this is that this lady is extremely gentle in her oral play with me (which doesen't work very well for me) whereas Mrs. GT, while not rough, is a little more assertive. I have gotten to know what mrs. GT likes, which is what I would consider midway between real soft and light, and very aggressive, and based on that this is what I tend to do with others. When I have asked, I too get the standard non answer of "you are doing fine". This lady is very hot and sensual so I enjoy playing with her and want to do so more in the future, but I actually said to mrs. GT that I was worried I wasn't really doing it for her and felt she might be about ready to give up on me because of it. Mrs. GT says I'm nuts and worrying about nothing, but what can I say, I sometimes worry.

Anyway I don't have any good advice, but I'm more than ready to get some on this same topic.

I whish it was more acceptable to just say what you like but I've tried this and had it taken as a complaint instead of the usfull hint I'd intended. So it is no surprise to me that no one seems to be very forthcoming with direction in what they like and how they like it.

[biblonde]

well spoo all I can say is from my experiance. beings that I am the she I usually do back to her what she does to me..but hubby has the same questions as you sometimes. We find that you just keep trying different things till ya get a reaction. I am nice and will tell you what I like (harder,softer, like that...)but I have learned most women dont comunicate while playing..so can be difficult. I guess the fun is in learning what they like or dont like.

I earned three bucks pole dancing - which I can't decide what that says about the crowd...

And I missed that!!! PICS PICS PICS I wanna see!lol

[JustAskJulie]

I think the women are largely responsible for this, too often we sit back and just take whatever is given rather than just being honest and saying "softer", "harder", etc.

I typically give what I like to get, and I think that is the case with most women, unless they have gone down on me first then I typically try to match what I got from them (knowing that most will do unto others what they like done unto them).

[akamgaxoxo]

Hmm, well I did discover that at first it was difficult to explain to my friend exactly what I wanted while playing. He had a tendency to be a little rough in the oral dept. and that does not do it for me at all. I finally got through to him one night during a chat session and I just came out and asked if he would do it exactly like this......needless to say, next time we all vistited together, the encounter was phenomenal!! So communication is definately key for sure!