Men with.... shy "members"

[MattLisa]

I think everyone knows what I mean here... and I was wondering if anyone had any more tips to help a male with a shy penis in a swinging atmosphere...

I am always supportive, Never pushy to him about it (I always let him know I understand and still had a great time), will assist him however he wants (trying to help him rise to the occasion with oral or talking dirty or hands on assistance). I also do my utmost to not let whom we are playing with know there is a problem if I can because I know it would make it worse.

We really do have an awesome time without that aspect, I always help him out afterwards when we're alone, and I'm not worried about it for my sake (like I said we still have a lot of fun. His hands and tongue are very talented as well).

I'm concerned because it really make him down and doesn't let him enjoy his time with our friends. I want him to be just as happy and comfortable with our other playmates as I am.

I've also let him have a room alone with our female friends and he still has problems... Sometimes even more problems than when I'm there to help (hey I know what he likes).

Does anyone have any other suggestions? Any tricks that really work for you? Even if anyone has had any experience with medication (herbal, perscription, ect) that was positive or negitive about this?

My main goal is to allow him to have a good time and not be so focused on the part that isn't working (which I'm sure makes it work even less), so if anyone knows how to help him even have more fun *even* IF he can't get everything up I would love that too.

Thanks ahead of time!

[Chris]

I was terrified I would have that same problem, and I did temporarily at our first swing party. I was sooooooo nervous that before the party even started, I asked Cindy to give me a brief blowjob to make sure it still worked. It did.

But then came the other couple aspect. At first I could not get it up, and I put my mind into action and started thinking of other stuff while concentrating on the physical enjoyment that I was experiencing. And then I got lucky, and it started working.

I am not sure if he's tried something like this or not. I hope some others can offer some suggestions as well.

good luck

[walrus0115]

I completely understand what you are going through. It happened to me the first 3-4 times we played. It still happens with new couples from time to time. And the most frustrating this is that it works great with my wife every time. It's just got stage fright.

I've found that it's been so long since I've really been with other women in a dating/sexual situation I've forgotten how to react. What we do is try to put me in that state of mind again. Usually this involves the other woman and me talking, flirting and generally slowing things down together. The main thing is that I have to get to know her more and become attracted to her on my own. Not as part of the group thing. If I spend all my time watching the others with her looking at me it just gets worse.

The easiest way to get over it for me is to regain control of the situation. Many men get turned on by the chase. I know I do. By simply playing a sexual card game or other sexual game that let's me have some control gets me very aroused when stage fright occurs. Usually nobody minds "losing" these games anyway. Sometimes any type of control helps. Just telling my partner what to do to the other man is a turn on. And, that's usually the end of it.

The best part is of course, once you've found out that you can get over the stage fright it's all downhill. Especially if you continue to play with the same couple. I liken it to playing Euchre. It's almost impossible to explain how to do it. It seems very daunting to those that don't know how. But once you've done it a couple of times it can be very easy and fun!

Good luck. Oh, and if none of this works just try the little blue pill. I've heard that it works wonders too!

[Alura]

Hey, Walrus!

You play Euchre? I learned the game from a Canadian guy years ago and taught my wife when we met. We've managed to teach a few couples but it's easier to find swing partners than Euchre players here in the wilds of Oklahoma. Bridge players cannot learn to play Euchre! If y'all are ever out this way, stop by for a game.

And Lisa? Get Matt some of the little blue pills. Have him eat one about half an hour before play begins. I think most of us men have had this problem, which never arises (or fails to, I guess) when I'm with my wife.

My theory is that swinging is often begun without the usual courtship rites, which are very erotic to me. Add that to the natural nervousness and it's not surprising that it happens.

Keep an extra blue pill available for the guy you're playing with and don't hesitate to give it to him if he has the problem. Then give him the nickname, "Marathon Cock." He'll deserve it.

Husband of Alura

[MattLisa]

Okay I am sooooooo slow here... Little blue pill? Viagra, right? Thanks for the help I surely appreciate it!

Lisa

[L]

>shy penis in a swinging atmosphere...
>make him down and doesn't let him enjoy

performance anxiety

is common

and affects most

(not all!!! some folks're sooooooo stuck up They know They're Perfect!!! and They never do wrong!!!)

people at various times throughout life. related problems can be brief, isolated and inconsequential (see footnote 1A)... or major problems can result and complications can be chronic and disenabling. a (wide)variety of social, professional, and sexual disorders
can result from performance anxiety

and erectile incompetence is commonly observed.


>any other suggestions? Any tricks that really work for you?

here y'go:


make y'rselves happy and healthy in alllllllll respects. eliminate allllll y'r problems and worries... focus on how much you really mean to each other. fall in love
again. be alllll happy, sexy, seductive... let your passion grow... awaken the kundalini... get all horney... and enjoy allllll the joy and excitement of a satisfying love life. fuck like bunnies. get into it. do it all. have fun. enjoy great sex.

love each other

and devote yourselves to
a rich and satisfying love life.

arrange to meet up with some folks... let 'em know y're (relatively) new to and inexperienced with

shared intimacies.

let it be known

that intercourse is not immediately expected

and

develop a relationship in which erections are not strictly required.

let it be known that erections are welcomed, they're (thoroughly!)enjoyed,

they're worshipped...

but they're not required.


have a good time. be sexy. share passion. share emotion. care for each other. be erotic. touch one another. become familiar. develop relationships and engage in exciting activities.

explore allllllll the erogenous zones... cultivate intimacy,

worship your shared sexuality...

but don't expect

intercourse...


until

he's ready.

do alllllll those things that sexy folks do together... without prejudice and or expectation... and he'll do okay.

bring him along slowly... gradually desensitize him... and

enjoy the

fruits of your loving and attentive

labor(s).


best wishes.


L

footnote1A:

regarding results that are brief, isolated, and inconsequential, i am reminded of ninth grade spring baseball season. i couldn't hit a curve ball. i struck out many times. it got to the point that i was soooooo freaked out about curve balls and striking out, i'd strike out. anxiety made it impossible for me to bat confidently. my average suffered.

an attentive coach recognized the situation and threw me thousands of curve balls, fast balls, sliders, and change ups... which helped to build my confidence and improved my hitting average the following year.

[danc694u]

Originally posted by MattLisa:
<STRONG>I think everyone knows what I mean here... and I was wondering if anyone had any more tips to help a male with a shy penis in a swinging atmosphere... </STRONG>

When someone discovers a way to insure it shows on time, every time. Let us know

We've got Viagra :p

Seriously though, it's more common than many people think it is. It does eventually resolve itself.

[MattLisa]

Thanks for the advice!

I've done my best to let him know he can enjoy his time and does *not* need his member up to have fun. I've told him its not expected, to just relax and enjoy... but I don't think he's listening to me

Because everytime afterwards there is the inevitable "this night was just awesome except for...." and I SO want to help him out... I can't convince him that he doesn't need his penis, I think he feels left out because everyone else is getting theirs, so to speak, and he isn't...

And I don't think its the "new people" nerves, the specific people we are playing with right now we have been playing with for 8 months. They are local so we get together fairly regularly...

Ahhhh I'm trying and I'm being supportive, I just hope that once he gets his medical insurance that he can get viagra and that it *helps*... Since the problem is all in his mind (he works just fine alone) I'm not sure viagra will help, unless it just gives him some mental confidence!

Thanks everyone for the input!

[Flori_DAMAN]

Just hit viagra on your search engine and you can find it all over the place. You will just need to do phone consultation with a doctor....as little as 35.00 if you search enough then order just a couple of pills to see if they work...just a suggestion...john.

[danc694u]

Okay I have to intervene on Johns post LOL.

While a phone consult can be cheap. Those pills aren't. But! going to discuss it with your family Dr. can save you some money

Regular visit cost, plus they now (thanks to the drug comapny) can provide you with a 6 dose sample pack That's how I got my first 6 doses. $45 total...visit and little blue pills. Hell of a deal.

David

[MattLisa]

I found this site which compares prices for viagra, including the consult...
http://www.drug-store-guide.com/cheapest-viagra3.html

Thought someone else might get some good use out of it as well!

[danc694u]

Holy $hit!!!!

Those prices are too high on that site!!!

Of course they reflect fairly close to Wal-Mart prices. But still, our local drug store (mom & pop) refills for about 10% less.

I'd seriously check around locally before ordering any online. You might find it saves some money. Phone calls are still pretty cheap last I heard.

David -- The "cheap ass" one

[MattLisa]

Danc694u thank you for the warning there! I've never purchased meds on the net (nor viagra) so had no clue about prices... unfortunatly Matt started a new job and won't have benefits for three months, so we're looking at either waiting til then, seeing a Dr in person now (and paying 80$-120$ just for the physicans visit) to get a prescription to fill without insurance (another who knows how much), or doing it online, and I doubt the Dr's connected with these sites are going to give us an Rx to get filled at the local drugstore...

I think for the moment we'll work some more on the no-pressure, have fun even if Mr. Willy isn't attending and I'll help you later aspects and save the viagra for later

[danc694u]

I have to keep reminding myself, not everyone lives where I did. Sorry about that.

Average office visit with my family Doctor is $35, $45 if he writes a script. If I go here (I moved to B'ham last year) it's well over $100 just for the visit. But, I try to see my family doctor when I can. Long drive, but I make it twice a month already.

Engaging my brain first helps also

[nsteven27]

No pressure is the best. But if not Viagra does work. Besides insurance copay for doctor visit, Viagra costs about $10 a pill.

It seems costly but worth the fun time instead of feeling bad about it later.

Good luck.