I know I often come off as obnoxious and crude in many of posts posts but I do wish to have an open and frank discussion about something I think is a real issue for countless people in the lifestyle and I assure you all that I will be nothing but sensitive, compassionate and approach this with great humility.
This past weekend we had an encounter with a very nice couple and for about the umpteeth time in row the other male was unable to perform. My wife and I got to looking back and crunching the numbers and the vast majority of the times we have been with another couple or couples the other male could not perform at all or had great difficulty at one time or another.
I won't pretend that this has never been an issue with me either. I have always eventually been able to get into action and get the job done for both parties but there have been times I did not perform to my expectations or to my satisfaction.
I do not have ED. In fifteen years of marriage I have not failed once at home with my wife but I have had difficulty a few times in swinging situations. Many of the other men that have failed have also claimed that they have never had any trouble with there own partner at home and I believe them.
I have no reason to believe our experiences are unique. I believe that ED within the swinging environment may be epidemic but people don't talk about it much. I'd like to change that and I'd like to talk about it openly and frankly and see if there are some things that can be done to correct it.
This is having a serious impact on our enjoyment of the lifestyle. In a couple years of swinging we could probably count on one hand the number of times that someone did NOT have some kind of performance problem. Many of these are healthy and vigorous guys that claim to have never had any problems outside of the lifestyle and I believe most of their sincerity. My wife is getting frustrated to the point that it is having a very detrimental effect on her enjoyment of the lifestyle and she cannot help but taking it personally thinking that she is not attractive or desirable. It has been a real downer on me as well since often times the other couple makes such a big deal over it and blows the mood for everyone.
I think there have got to be some common variables that can contribute to this and I also think there has to be some solutions since these are healthy guys with no prior histories of ED.
Please share you thoughts and insights and experiences as well as please offer freely any possible solutions, tricks or techniques that can offer some help. If someone has a failure to perform it does not just effect that guy and his partner, It can turn a whole evening into a bust for everyone as some guys just turn into assholes and cause scenes and discomfort for everyone when it happens.
Any advice, feedback and solutions will be greatly appreciated. Please offer any observations you have made and offer any tricks or techniques that have worked for you. Thank you.