Brought To Tears

[varangian]

During our full-swap with them, last evening, he was hard and soft through the foreplay section. Hard when dancing or playing cards, hard during the approximate 10 minute blowjob, and hard during the periods of me giving him a hand job, but....when it came time for him to penetrate me for our ride together, didn't happen, he couldn't, it was like instant limpness...(please, note that...not bragging here....but I'm very tight and any softness at all isn't going to get in..a side effect from being a belly dancing instructor..) After about 30 minutes I gave up trying to get him hard enough to get in.

A sad little story, but when a man feels deep down he shouldn´t be screwing a lady all sorts of disturbing things can happen - and in fact it happened to myself once. There are million reasons for this - and probably you will never know what exactly made him uneasy about it all. I can´t help mentioning an interesting comment made by Greg - that 60% of all white guys are having serious problems in bed with his wife, but black guys perform as a guy is supposed to do. I´m not trying to provoke and I´m definitely not trying to hurt your feelings (I´m a nice old bloke) - but men´s preferences are strange and perhaps a black guy would have no problems in bed with you. I remember too well the night my little one let me down - the lady simply was not something my body wanted. And thousands of women have rejected me (or would if necessary) because I´m not what their bodies need. So you understand the drift of my thinking. Good luck. V

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Ed & Bunny

No not a newbie, They have been on Swing Lifestyle since 2005. But we are guessing that time is not the factor here. They themselves admit to not being that experienced. I think most of theirs has been with 1 or 2 other couples who they spend most of their time with. It is hard for us to judge though, with as new as we are just about anyone seems more experienced than us. LOL

Stage fright really has nothing to do with how long someone has been swinging. Did he actually take his viagra that night? As we've said before there is a reason he takes it!!! Stage Fright also has nothing to do with the WOMAN involved.

Stage Fright is the fear of performance. It's a matter of comfort. He doesn't have stage fright with his wife because he's been with her so long and because he has taken the time to really get to know her and be comfortable with her.

It sounds like Bunny has run into a spate of guys who need some serious time to get to know people before they are comfortable having sex with them.

[BCinIN]

I'm very sorry this happened, but I must say: it has probably nothing to do with you. First I'll answer your questions, and then I'll reluctantly tell a story about something that happened to me once that sounds eerily similar.

1. I questioned myself and everything I did, thinking that I had tried every trick in the book, that I have used on my husband (except for a whip). So, does this mean that my husband can and will fuck just about anything, which includes me? Am I that disgusting?

Despite the myriad jokes to the contrary, I've yet to meet a man that would fuck anything. In fact, most men have decent standards, and won't go below them except on special occasions (like a single guy that hasn't gotten any for a year might).

2. Should my husband wait to penetrate, while waiting for a sign from me that I have successful penetration, before he penetrates the wife. Then calling a switch at the last moment, if the male cannot get penetration. (Which, by the way, I totally hate this options, because it feels so selfish..)

I don't even think you should have to "demand" such a thing! In fact, your husband should (and probably will) wantto do that all on his own, for your sake. There's no way C and I would even THINK about having a good time unless we knew our other half was, period. That's what swinging is all about: everyone having fun. No taking one for the team, and no letting each other take one (even voluntarily!) for the team. We look out for each other first and foremost.

3. For us to just stop swinging all together, because I'm not what men want. (which again is a selfish answer, because obviously the women like my man, and this may not be what Ed wants, but will do, if I ask.)

I really doubt that's true. You have most likely read too much into this situation--an experience C and I had once might shed light on this, as embarrassing as it is for me to tell.

Edit: deleted a bunch of stuff that didn't apply once I saw that the guy's stage fright was the problem.

[jd512k]

*1. I questioned myself and everything I did, thinking that I had tried every trick in the book......*

Bunny.. it is NOT YOU. I am a man that unfortunately suffers from the same problem. There are times when I completely lose my erection during penetration.. sometimes I will lose it as soon as the clothes come off... It has NOTHING to do with you or anything you did... I assure you of this... There was nothing you could have done differently to have made him maintain an erection. He has ED. End of story. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes the pills help. Sometimes they do not.

This is a very sensitive subject for both myself and my SO. She feels very much as you are feeling now, when it happens to me. That is why I feel compelled to write..

There are times I get emotional about it. It is absolutely humiliating and results in feelings of inadequacy (in both of us)...but we have learned to work around it..

It appears there are already several replies with great suggestions to your other questions.. I just wanted you to hear from a man who happens to suffer from the exact same problem as the man you described.. I know it is difficult to believe, but, please do not blame yourself for this... it simply is not your fault in any way.. I can tell you from first hand experience that when it happens to me, there is not a single woman on the face of this planet that could bring it back to life for any meaningful length of time.. Usually, if I am having problems, my SO and I move on to something else and try again later.. doesn't always work though. Sometimes it's just not meant to be

Anyway.. just wanted you to hear it from a guy.. IT'S NOT YOU K? I promise!!