Brought To Tears

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

it could be the phase of the moons in Jupiter's orbit.
=)

You got Bunny rolling on the floor with that one. Thanks, she needed that.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Bunny&Ed

Should my husband wait to penetrate, while waiting for a sign from me that I have successful penetration, before he penetrates the wife. Then calling a switch at the last moment, if the male cannot get penetration.

This is a good option for you two. Like one of the men said in this thread, he feels better about things if he gets to start off first, rather than watching his wife have a great time before he gets started.

In our case, when this happens to us, my husband may already be underway with the other lady, but he's still aware of me and what's going on. If it's not happening (and especially if the other guy won't do anything else, either), he gravitates back to me, and lets the other woman handle her husband. When we've had to do this, the other man calmed down with his own wife and could perform.

There is no sense in letting it slide all the way to you feeling "disgusting", etc. There is no sense in you feeling completely left out while your hubby gets to swap, and other women are "gushing" to you about it.

I agree with the idea of getting things moving along sooner, rather than courting a couple slowly for four months before intercourse happens.

Good luck!

[safireblues]

I have no penis so can only speculate, but when I read things like "foreplay is nice but I'm here for the pounding", I wonder if you say stuff like that to the guy in the "get to know you" phase. In other words, does he know that the big show for you is a hard pounding and does he feel a pressure to deliver?

I might try taking any talk and pressure off intercourse in your dealings with the other guy. Take a very "if it happens, it happens" approach. Encourage them to fill you with fingers, tongues, let them feel that there are many other forms of pleasure for you. If it's truly all about that dick, it's ok, just don't let them know you feel that way, otherwise they may feel pressure that blocks the performance.

[Vjklander]

No one can say its NOT Bunny unless they talk with the guy. It may be, probably not. Mrs Vjk is bi as are most of the females we play with. Generally when we play with couples we'll start with the guys playing with a tit and hooking a leg so the other girl can pleasure the first. Then the girls switch. Somewhere along the way one guy will switch with the girl on top. Then the guys switch. And the girls switch. and the ......
Doing this, if one guy isn't keeping it up, the other can do double duty. It works for us. YMMV.
PS. one time we were starting to play and the girl was exceptionally 'pungent'. I just couldn't deal with it. Her hubby felt the same way but was reluctant to tell her. Luckily my famous capacity for tact saved the day and a trip to the GYN solved the problem.

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by safireblues

I have no penis so can only speculate, but when I read things like "foreplay is nice but I'm here for the pounding", I wonder if you say stuff like that to the guy in the "get to know you" phase. In other words, does he know that the big show for you is a hard pounding and does he feel a pressure to deliver?

I might try taking any talk and pressure off intercourse in your dealings with the other guy. Take a very "if it happens, it happens" approach. Encourage them to fill you with fingers, tongues, let them feel that there are many other forms of pleasure for you. If it's truly all about that dick, it's ok, just don't let them know you feel that way, otherwise they may feel pressure that blocks the performance.

No she hasnt said anything like that. But I am going to be keeping a close eye on her now that she is getting a bit fixated on it. The way she has been feeling, I know she wants to bring it up, and I agree we dont need to give some poor guy a complex before we start.

As for her feelings about dick, dont get us wrong, she loves foreplay, but she does not cum with it. So without the pounding she feels unfinished.

We just need to get her past this little hang up and things should be fine.

[safireblues]

Originally Posted by Ed & Bunny

No she hasnt said anything like that. But I am going to be keeping a close eye on her now that she is getting a bit fixated on it. The way she has been feeling, I know she wants to bring it up, and I agree we dont need to give some poor guy a complex before we start.

As for her feelings about dick, dont get us wrong, she loves foreplay, but she does not cum with it. So without the pounding she feels unfinished.

We just need to get her past this little hang up and things should be fine.

Sure, she likes penetration, but you can also bring along a few toys of a size she likes and take turns fucking her with the toy, your dick, his dick, whatever is handy. Just seems like the pressure is on *his dick* to be hard to get her off. She needs penetration to get off, not necessarily penis, otherwise she wouldn't be able to masturbate on her own. Which leads me to believe it's about more than just pure penetration, she is seeing the other man's ability to stay hard as a referendum on her sexiness. And it could be that he's picking up on that and getting nervous accordingly.

Heck, she might try a little reverse psychology on the guy, tell him she can only have intercourse with a guy if she feels very comfortable, make him see it like he has to coax her into it. If the demand is off the guy, he may have a much easier time performing.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Ed & Bunny

You got Bunny rolling on the floor with that one. Thanks, she needed that.

You're most welcome.

=)

[MikeandDawn]

Originally Posted by Bunny&Ed

Hi all;
We have all talked about this before in another thread. But, this time I really need to know how often this is happening, and if it's just me or are others going through the same thing. I would have written last night, but I was depressed, disgraced, and totally feeling degraded, in and about myself.

For the first time in years, I let someone else's action make me cry. I cried in the car going home and in the shower while trying to erase any evidence. I have never felt so dirty and disgusted with my self. We had just spent the evening with a couple that we had shared prior soft swap relations with. We have seen him and her together on other occations having sex. We know that he takes medication (viagra) and has had no problem with erection.

During our full-swap with them, last evening, he was hard and soft through the foreplay section. Hard when dancing or playing cards, hard during the approximate 10 minute blowjob, and hard during the periods of me giving him a hand job, but....when it came time for him to penetrate me for our ride together, didn't happen, he couldn't, it was like instant limpness...(please, note that...not bragging here....but I'm very tight and any softness at all isn't going to get in..a side effect from being a belly dancing instructor..) After about 30 minutes I gave up trying to get him hard enough to get in.

This was our third full-swap situation, and I haven't had a ride or been penial penetrated yet. Meanwhile, my husband is pounding away on these other men's wives. And then I have to go through the gushing wives comments about how wonderful and hard my husband was, while I'm trying to be polite and feeling worthless.

Four things, then did I Question....

1. I questioned myself and everything I did, thinking that I had tried every trick in the book, that I have used on my husband (except for a whip). So, does this mean that my husband can and will fuck just about anything, which includes me? Am I that disgusting?

Probably not. You said the guy takes Viagra. You think there might be a reason *why* he does? And without knowing his medical history, perhaps anticipatory stress is his issue. I've had the problem a few times years back when I was in my 20's when we were with someone we had played with numerous times before with no problems. Thinking back to those times, something about the situations (follow close here because it might make no sense at first) were almost too erotic to think about, like new things we were going to try, so the stress and nervousness about finally getting to do something I always wanted to try left me at less than full staff. I got over it, as did Dawn and her g/f.

Originally Posted by Bunny&Ed

2. Should my husband wait to penetrate, while waiting for a sign from me that I have successful penetration, before he penetrates the wife. Then calling a switch at the last moment, if the male cannot get penetration. (Which, by the way, I totally hate this options, because it feels so selfish..)

It would seem not so much selfish, but so non-spontaneous. I can understand why you hate that option. I would, too.

Originally Posted by Bunny&Ed

3. For us to just stop swinging all together, because I'm not what men want. (which again is a selfish answer, because obviously the women like my man, and this may not be what Ed wants, but will do, if I ask.)

Maybe it's time to stop swinging *with them* for a while.

Originally Posted by Bunny&Ed

Are there any others out there, who have had this problem. Multiple Failures of Penetration related to limp-dick-ness? Is this why a lot of couples seem like bed notchers, because they are going through couples at a fast rate, just to find another complete couple that can perform?

Still hurting..Bunny

Well, as I've already related my prior failures in this area, I think it can be safely said it can happen and not really be anyone's fault. Now, by our choice, we now only play MFM, so my arousal isn't near the issue it used to be. Even in the rare event when I'm not feeling aroused, a peek into the bedroom while Dawn and our playmate are involved will usually put me there.

[28volts]

Hello Bunny,
Let me tell you, I have had some problems myself. For a guy to be hard he must be thinking of it. He could be distracted....his wife moaning or maybe he's watching his wife. That could be the problem, for me it just gets me more excited. It could be that he is worried about performing.
I love to satisfy women and apply to much pressure to myself. That will distract me by thinking of it to much. I do not use any drugs and can get hard many times, but if my mind is not relaxed then I go limp. The big head tells the little head what to do.
My wife tried this one time, after I told her I was have problems staying hard, which pressured myself even more, she helped me with her..fmf..and boy did that work. I am more relaxed with that woman now.
I am sure that one guy is aware of his situation since he already takes a drug. Every guy is not the same, just like women. Some women like to be taken control of, others like to have equal say, some like their nipples pinched..on and on.People like different things to get them excited. That's what makes this so exciting...to find out what another woman wants to have done to her.
It is not your fault Bunny. It is not his fault. He just needs to find his groove.

Mr. S

[Ed & Bunny]

Again we would like to thank all of you who have taken the time to respond. Bunny is on a 6 day work stretch but I keep her up on what is said. Your comments and advice have really helped.

Originally Posted by MikeandDawn

Maybe it's time to stop swinging *with them* for a while.

Well the idea of stopping altogether hasnt been mentioned in a couple of days. LOL But with them, yes it is possible. There are other issues we need to adress with them. There just seemed to be alot of hesitation on their part the night we swapped. And yes we realize that could be what caused the problem. The issue now is we would like to talk to them about it and ask why they hesitated. We are supposed to go to their house for a party Sat and would like to not have that hanging over us when we go. But they are being difficult to get in contact with. So I dont know. But thats another story.

Overall though I think this speedbumb has been good in a way. We have done alot of re-evaluating and made some changes. First we widened our window. Bunny has had an issue with younger couples, and has avoided them. Well now we lowered our age range and have suddenly gotten some new intrest in our profile. She is also much more open to us doing a MFM. (WHOOPIE I have been so looking forward to not having to be distracted so I can really watch her please another guy). So we will see how things progress. Thanks again to all of you here.

[Ave Satanas]

So I've only just read this, and I can't resist adding my own bit of inside humor to this thread by telling you this:

DON'T HIT THE GUY.

I hope I'm not the only one who understands/laughs at that.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Ave Satanas

So I've only just read this, and I can't resist adding my own bit of inside humor to this thread by telling you this:

DON'T HIT THE GUY.

I hope I'm not the only one who understands/laughs at that.

LOL, I get it.

=)

[Ed & Bunny]

Well, it gets better and better. Was able to talk to the guy last night. I brought up the other issue and we discussed it. Then on his own he brought up the performance issue. His words exactly, "stage fright". Ok thats cool. But now I have to listen to Bunny whine

"What I am scaring men so bad they cant get it up?!!!!!"

LOL She does promise only to use her whip on me, and not them.

Well I let him know that he was doing just fine and had Bunny really worked up more than usual. tried to build up his confidence so we can try again.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Ed & Bunny

Then on his own he brought up the performance issue. His words exactly, "stage fright".

Is he a newbie? If not, how long have they been swinging?

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Is he a newbie? If not, how long have they been swinging?

No not a newbie, They have been on Swing Lifestyle since 2005. But we are guessing that time is not the factor here. They themselves admit to not being that experienced. I think most of theirs has been with 1 or 2 other couples who they spend most of their time with. It is hard for us to judge though, with as new as we are just about anyone seems more experienced than us. LOL