Performance Issue

[spicenitup07]

Well We have been to a few parties so i didnt think this belonged in the new forum.

We started swinging back over the summer and we love it. The parties we goto are great. The only bummer is i have had some performance issues. A couple times i just couldnt get it to work. At home, no problem what so ever, i mean its the weirdest thing. Im looking down going come on fella lets go.

I think this is all in my head, again I have NO trouble what so ever at home. I have considered popping a viagra but im worried that might cause damage technically where i dont need it.

So i need some advice here for your guys. We love doing this, we are both secure in our relationships. I need to know how to get Mr Wiggly moving !!!!


Thoughts...comments...

Spicenitup07

[ShellyM]

Hello! You are experiencing a pretty common problem known as performance anxiety. Number one, do not feel at all bad because it is not your fault. I'm not a man so its hard for me to tell you what to do because I do not know what you are experiencing or thinking. I have been told that Viagra does help and usually after men have used V a few times they simply stop thinking about it and the issue resolves itself...however I would be sure to see your Dr. vs. just taking a pill. Some men also need to be in more private settings. Group play simply is not for everyone. As a woman I would suggest that you simply communicate what is going on with the lady. We don't read minds and so if its just an issue of preferring more privacy I'm sure she would not mind if you said something along the lines of "do you mind if we were somewhere more private". Best of luck, relax and have fun!!!

[socolais]

Try getting with your wife and playing a little bit "just to prime the pump". Try playing with a woman you REALLY find attractive. Trying different things will give you clues about possible factors. The most difficult advice to accept, is to just relax - it's so easy to say and so difficult to actually do. You'll have to figure out what's causing your issue and develop your own remedy. You have to break the cycle so that you get to the point where you have confidence in your equipment.

Good luck

[Pierced-n-Proud]

Spicenitup07, It is a pretty common thing. Especially when you have a long term relationship that is secure. It took me 7 months to get over it, there is some pretty good advice in the archives of this site that really helped me. Last Saturday night will officially be kniown as erection night (we had a Federal Election in Oz). Relax, enjoy, you've got other talents. When you're not worried about it, it will happen...it just takes time and in my case someone who we knew well and who is very desirable. All our playmates were extremely understanding and now look forward to the genie being out of the bottle.
Having your wife act as a "teaser" also helps, not only physically but mentally as it reinforces that she is giving her consent.
Good luck
Mr P & P.

[lost_j1]

Spichatenitup07,

Zone out is what I learned to do. What I mean is that I just totally get into my partner. I zone out the rest of the room and just get into my playmate. I tell Shelly this all the time if you need me come shake or yell real loud. I just get into partner and give her 110% of my attention. I mean sometimes I will loose track of time and people in the room. Treat this woman like she is about to get the best fuck of her life. Make sure that you give her all your attention and go from there. If you start to worry who is the room or if your wife is gettting good or price in tea China, you might run into problems. Just relax and not even think about sex, but just enjoying her company. Let things go from there and have fun, relax it's just sex. Sometimes playing with your wife before you swap is another way. Where you and your wife start out and get going then swap. Either way relax and enjoy everyone's company.....

JAY!!!

[spicenitup07]

Awsome advice, I understand what you are saying and ill give it a shot. One thing that i think keeps popping my head is that..."i cant believe we are doing this" ....and it distracts me...i should learn to just shut up and enjoy...



but thanks again for the advice.

[lost_j1]

Some times the little head needs to tell the big head," SHUT THE HELL UP, I'AM GETING LAID!!!!" If this is something that you and your spouse has agreed to do. And, you both have no problems it. Then it's time to relax and enjoy. It's just some adults who all agree to temporarly enjoy each others body with out regret. Not,"...i cant believe we are doing this", but let's enjoy the time we have together. Again, relax it's just sex...

JAY!!!

[tittietwister]

Having been plagued with the same problem twice in a row now and with the latest partner not being very understanding (even though I made her cum) I also thank all for the sound advice.

I would also echo the point that your wife must be supportive and demonstrate that she wants you to have a good time so you won't worry about that. Not being demonstrative about it can be interpreted as not being supportive by overly analytical guys like me. We need a clear signal.

I think just finding an understanding partner who was considerate of the situation and willing to remove the pressure for a touchdown on every play would do wonders to help you and me.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by tittietwister

I would also echo the point that your wife must be supportive and demonstrate that she wants you to have a good time so you won't worry about that. Not being demonstrative about it can be interpreted as not being supportive by overly analytical guys like me. We need a clear signal.

Agreed 100%. This goes both ways though; don't get mad because she is having fun and then storm into the play room and say "are you not done yet?" Well, her legs being on his shoulders should say ummm, nooooo.
LOL