Can't keep it up with a condom on

[rndydebind]

Hi,

I have an embarassing problem, and the answer to it is probably that nothing but getting used to it will help. But I wanted to ask the extremely kind and insightful people on this site for any advice they might have.

My wife and I have been 'dabbling' in this lifestyle for a while now (about 4 years, I think), getting out to 'play' maybe once a month or a little less.

We started out with sharing fantasies and then soft swap, made the leap to full swap, and recently we have even had a separate room experience.

My problem is I just can't keep it up once I put on a condom. Foreplay gets me nice and hard, but when I roll that thing onto my nice proud erection, it begins to deflate. And it doesn't really come back. Additional foreplay, oral sex or whatever after I have the condom on just doesn't help.

I know that it is just me. I don't know what it is about me that makes that happen. Anybody esle experience this?

Limp banana in Indiana

[prettylady]

Hey don't sweat it.
My Dog had the same problem. The answer turned out to be a really large condom.
Apparently the condoms he was using was "stemming the tides" for him and he would lose "nice proud erection" as well. First time with the Magnums or what ever they are called and the problem was solved. Dog will tell you he was doubtful that he was big enough for a large size, but it fit wonderfully.
Try a larger size and see if that works.
Best of luck
Your friend,
Prettylady

[BiloxiCouple]

Or no condoms.

[lizandtom]

....at the threat of sounding shallow, your partner(s) might not be hot enough for you. The lifestyle is to satisfy fantasies, therefore you should be with those who you FEEL are hotties, not to be mistaken with those you THINK might be hot (and not limited to physical attraction!). There is a huge difference that most don't realize exists. NO ONE chooses who they are attracted to, they just are or aren't. We faced this reality when faced with a few similar instances and realized the other women just weren't doing it for our male 1/2; they were very nice and we always are cordial and remain acquaintances but if the chemistry isn't there the stiffy isn't going to last, and either the chemistry exists or it doesn't. This could be your issue.

[apraskov]

Maybe you could try cock ring (or tie a nice thin leather strip instead). Once you get used to the decreased sensation (inevitable when you use condom) you will be fine and the cockring will buy you more than enough time for that. Try it with your partner first, so you know how it works.
Good luck.

[couplewanting50]

Originally Posted by prettylady

Hey don't sweat it.
My Dog had the same problem. The answer turned out to be a really large condom.
Apparently the condoms he was using was "stemming the tides" for him and he would lose "nice proud erection" as well. First time with the Magnums or what ever they are called and the problem was solved. Dog will tell you he was doubtful that he was big enough for a large size, but it fit wonderfully.
Try a larger size and see if that works.
Best of luck
Your friend,
Prettylady

I think your idea is good, and I have used it also. The big ones roll in on the way I would think a condom should roll on. As a worst case example, I bought some Kimono Microthin condoms, they were supposed to be great,
and were considered to be a standard size. I could hardly get them on, and tore them several times in the process. Not making a joke; maybe Japanese penises are smaller.

So, just as an experiment, I bought a couple of different brands of large size, and they go on fine, and DO NOT seem too big.

[good times]

Yep, I had this problem too. Turns out that the cure was doing two things. First, Mrs. GT went and bought every condom she could find and we spent a day trying them. Sure enough, some worked better than others (the Kimono Large ultra-thin condoms turned out to work best for me). The second thing we did is that I used a condom with Mrs. GT for a while to get used to wearing one. Now days, while I still prefer no condom, it isn't the end of the show if I have to wear one.

[apraskov]

Originally Posted by good times

The second thing we did is that I used a condom with Mrs. GT for a while to get used to wearing one.

Great idea.... Why didn't I think of that?

[rndydebind]

Thanks to all of you who were kind enough to respond. Also, thanks for the supportive way in which you have treated me. You folks are great!

I will try both suggestions: A larger condom (I was not using a 'large' size) and it rolled on fairly tight; and using it with the Mrs. for a while to get used to it and defray any performance anxiety that may have built up from my failures while 'in my rubber coat'.

Again, thank you!

[apraskov]

Reading the posts again it looks like my second post (Why didn't I think of that) seems sarcastic, I apologize, I did not mean for it to be.

[rndydebind]

Originally Posted by apraskov

Reading the posts again it looks like my second post (Why didn't I think of that) seems sarcastic, I apologize, I did not mean for it to be.

I can't speak for Mr. Goodtimes, but being that sarcasm is a high form of humor, and is not in and of itself an insult, it comes down to how you meant to employ sarcasm. I did not detect any meanness or intent to insult in your comment. However, I can see where it could look that way. Its one of the shortcomings of forums and E-Mails that there are only emoticons and formatting to convey those extra bits of meaning that would have made your intent clear. We usually get that from things like body language and tone of voice, along with the person's voice cadence and where they place emphasis. You just can't get all that in a text message. Sigh.

[sereneiders]

It happened to me as well and it still does from time to time.

Get used to it. Try several brands. And... practice. I mean, you may have enough with being confortable with a playmate and make her feel confortable, as to add up the condoms issues. Take one problem at a time: start wearing condoms when having sex with your wife, even to jack off if you enjoy it. Get used to the condoms on your own, and then it'd be easiest with a playmate.

[Tybee Swing]

The answers already given here are the ones that worked for Mr. Tybee. Better fitting/larger condom, and also getting used to using a condom. If you think about it, most married men probably haven't used a condom in years or decades; they are conditioned to being skin-on-skin with their wives. Then, they get into an unfamiliar situation (new woman/nervous), often with a couple of drinks in them, often the hour is later than they're accustomed to (getting tired), and then they're struggling to get this foreign, rubbery thing over their cock. No wonder!

Practicing and playing around with condoms at home really helps. Cumming in them with your wife helps with the conditioning issue. Here's a fun way to play with condoms: watch the Nina Hartley video "Making Love to Men" as a couple. She does a whole segment on how to make it sexier with condoms, including how a woman can apply it for him...orally. Very hot! If all the women of swinging would learn this technique, there might be a lot more hard-ons in the lifestyle.

http://www.adameve.com/DVD-and-Video...ideo-7043.aspx

[Tybee Swing]

One more tip that works for Mr. Tybee: Just before applying the condom, he puts a drop of good water-soluble lube inside the condom, works it around, and then applies it. Having that lube between him and the condom makes it feel much better. He says it increases the sensitivity.

[sexcupid]

Most of my swing partners have had the same issue...things are going great until the condom goes on.

Jeff has the same problem. But for him it's mostly a mental game. We've used condoms to kind of 'prep' him for playtime...however, he doesn't have any problems even if we are using a condom. It's being in the situation of having a new partner coupled with the condom that seems to do it.

So, if you haven't used condoms in a while...do the practice with your wife, however don't be suprised if the next time you are with a playpartner that it happens again.

Do try to relax...I know, your soldier isn't working the way it just was, but do try to relax. Or just think some nasty raunchy thoughts to keep hard long enough to slide in. Most of the time once your're having sex the erection will maintain.

Good luck!
Maria