performance anxiety?

[Tybee Swing]

Hi Brad, I understood that part (like telling someone to not think about pink elephants, and then it's all you can think about). However, in swing settings, everyone is thinking about sex from the time they get there. At least, it's in the back of their minds, and it's in front of their eyes. This doesn't tend to stress people out, in and of itself. Seeing or thinking about sex doesn't have to be over stimulating.

I don't see how this relates to that earlier post from Mr.P about what "sensory over stimulation" is all about. Does this mean that the whole scene is just too much for them? They can't deal with all this sexuality and all the hotness in the room and are over stimulated, as a result? Does being over stimulated mean that they are too excited to perform? Does this mean they'd be better off in settings that aren't so....stimulating?

If getting into a room with another couple is over stimulating, how in the world will they be able to swing?

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Hi Brad, I understood that part (like telling someone to not think about pink elephants, and then it's all you can think about). However, in swing settings, everyone is thinking about sex from the time they get there. At least, it's in the back of their minds, and it's in front of their eyes. This doesn't tend to stress people out, in and of itself. Seeing or thinking about sex doesn't have to be over stimulating.

I don't see how this relates to that earlier post from Mr.P about what "sensory over stimulation" is all about. Does this mean that the whole scene is just too much for them? They can't deal with all this sexuality and all the hotness in the room and are over stimulated, as a result? Does being over stimulated mean that they are too excited to perform? Does this mean they'd be better off in settings that aren't so....stimulating?

If getting into a room with another couple is over stimulating, how in the world will they be able to swing?

Oops, what I should have said is "What lovinher is trying to say..." Got the wrong name there, sorry. Now I'll be thinking of pink elephants all day.

Good questions, but I'm afraid I don't have any real answers. I suppose it could be that some guys, especially when new to swinging, are feeling a lot of nervous pressure to perform with all that sexual energy around them (in other words, everybody else is 'doin' it', so I'd better be up for it too),but I can't say it's happened to me, so I really don't know.

-B

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Thanks for replying, but I don't understand the meaning of your answer at all. What has this got to do with "sensory over stimulation"?

Sensory over stimulation. I'm not sure what that means actually. So not a thing apparently, sorry. At least not how you intended the question.
I knew what I meant.

Let's say a guy's buddy isn't cooperating for whatever reason. Goddamn it! Who the fuck said PINK ELEPHANTS? It snowballs from there. He can be as turned on as ever but we all know the mind controls his buddy and sometimes it's the other way around. But if one is off, they both are. That is a sensory meltdown between him and his buddy. In a swinging situation, especially after reading HERE that it happens all the time I can easily see that happening.

jnhinsd, you already know you have to relax about it. If you read through the threads you will see there is nothing wrong with you. What works for you is anybodies guess. The advice given by the others is as good as it gets.
If you don't try though you will never get over it. That seems to be your main issue here. I used to be scared to death of heights. Then I got a job servicing billboards and the next thing you know I'm dangling 300 feet in the air from a 1/4" cable. I got over my fear real quick.

Ya know, I never really thought about this until I came to this board.
Pink elephants?
I'm screwed.

[MrsPandMe]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Can you explain exactly what is going on when a man is experiencing "sensory over stimulation"? As a woman in the lifestyle who has run into a fair share of jittery men with performance anxieties, I'd like to understand this better. Please explain the whole sensory thing to me. Thanks!

Hehe.. Sorry took me so long to get back to this thread..

Okay, here's what I was thinking with the "overstimulation" statement.

You're a guy who REALLY gets hot watching let's say two girls and a guy go at it in a porn. So now you go on fantasizing about it. Thing is, it's in your mind.. It's YOUR imagination, so you're controlling the action. It's hot. You get hard enough to bend pipe. You're good to go! This is gonna be awesome when it actually happens!

So now, you're in the situation, and suddenly there it is in all its fleshy puppy pile goodness! Now your brain starts to attempt to process this:

Do they want me in there?

Is this really okay for me to touch her there?

What if she doesn't like me touching her?

What's my wife thinking?

Man, it's hot in here... I'm sweating my ass off!

That guy's really having a great time... He can drive nails with that thing!

And speaking of cock, what the F*** is wrong with mine?! C'mon dude, lock and load already!

Wonder if they're put off cuz I can't get it up... God this is embarrassing!

...And now you've given your brain WAAAAAY more to sort through then the simple "I'm the MAN" thoughts you had when you were thinking of this in the controlled environment of your mind. Now, you and I both know that none of those are really real factors that are beyond any possible control, but when you first see it, the primal male machismo takes over and starts subconsciously sabotaging your higher sexual brain functions. "I've got game" says your higher brain function... "That guy walking around poking everyone with the perpetual hardon is the Alpha dog" says your unconscious primal brain.

Guess which one easily short circuits the other! This is why I think it's never a good idea to use your first few experiences as an indicator of how your swinging experience will go. Once you get comfortable and things start to work in man-land, now you've got the confidence that you can indeed perform and it just gets easier from there.

Mr. P