Performance anxiety and vacation...advice?

[A&M2007]

Hello all...we're new to the boards and would like to see what some of y'all think....

We are a younger couple, in our late 20's and have been in the lifestyle on and off for about 3 years now. We've never done a full-swap, mostly just soft swap and me (the wife) and the other wifey have done most of the playing while the hubbys watched. We have really became very good friends with this couple. This is one of the very first couples we met when we first began and we've remained very close and go out with them a lot. We have talked many times about doing full-swap with them, and have came very close, but the last few times we've gotten to that point, things have become a little "weird."

My husband is a great lover...very into pleasing me and has always put my pleasure before his own. The last few times we've played w/this couple, things started to get very "hot" and full-swap seemed to be approaching. My husband is very much into the other wife and the other hubby has been wanting a full-swap w/me for some time now. Since we've never done it before, I think my hubby just gets Perfomance anxiety and starts to lose his erection. Even when he's still just playing with me, I think when he starts thinking a full-swap is near, he starts to get very nervous and loses it. I'll try and try to "bring it back to life", but to no avail. I don't get upset, but he does and get frustrated b/c the other hubby is going "full force".

We've always managed to get things to look like they are "okay" to the other couple and he usually will go and get some water and in 30 minutes or so, he's back and we usually go at it w/no problems. So, I just really think it's just his nerves and the fact we've never done it before.

Here's the thing, we are going to a resort w/this other couple in a couple of months and my hubby is nervous and wants to "perform" well. He's thought about Viagra and I know that usually, we all have a lot to drink when we're all together, so that probably has played a role in some way. How would you guys handle this situation? I am sure this has happened to many couples at some time or another and hubby just dosen't understand why since he usually NEVER has a problem w/this at home and we can go 3 times a night usually w/no problems. I just don't want him worrying the whole time we're on vacation and frustrating himself. I want him to enjoy our time there and whatever happens, happens!

Should he look into trying Viagra? Is this stuff safe and is it even worth the money? Thanks to everyone in advance!!

[SouthBond]

It can happen and the husband will feel like a total failure, if he can't get it up. Viagra is the answer. Just because you use Viagra doesn't mean that you will become addicted to it. Take three hours prior to play time and he should be hard as a rock for the duration of the session.

[lookingfornow]

I am not a quick to suggest the pill. He is fairly young to be needing medication for any truly physiological reason. As you state, he is most likely psychologically concerned that he will cum too quickly and leave his partner with a very bad impression of his abilities as a lover.

Here is the best solution I know.... Make it clear that the play will continue past his first orgasm. Have the other woman make clear her desire to have him "let go" the first time they have intercourse and get his orgasm over as quickly as he'd like. The less pressure he feels with that first interaction, the more likely he will be able and willing to recover for a second, grander performance. Build in an intended break of between 10 and 20 minutes before you continue with the sexual interaction (get a drink, have some light conversation, do whatever). Once he has been given permission not to perform well, he will likely be able to perform better the first time and be able to come back for a second and third performance later into the evening.

[ShellyM]

I think getting V is premature at this point. Performance anxiety is absolutely natural, especially when you are just starting out. Just relax. The more pressure you put on it the less his penis is going to work. Things will flow naturally. He can always try V yes, perhaps have him make an appt. and the dr. can give him some samples. But be sure he is seen by his Dr., I would not advise having him borrow a pill from someone or getting some off of the internet.
Relax, and just have fun. That is the key.
Shell

[StacyCat]

I agree with Shelly, psychological pressure is the worst thing for a penis :-)

how does he do with pleasing the other woman? Oral, fingers, etc? Sex is not just about penis in an orifice. Pleasing her, with no expectation of performance of his penis, might be good for the mind.

[A&M2007]

Well, just to make it clear, I am perfectly okay with it...I mean, yeah I'll admit that it would be nice to finally get to that point, but I know it's nothing he is doing "wrong" or that he "can't"....it's just new to us (full swap) and I know he must be putting a lot of pressure on himself to perform well. He's a fantastic lover and he knows how to please a woman, that's not the problem at all....(oral, etc..) it's just the part when it comes down to actually having sex.

He is the one who is wanting to try Viagra to see if it may help him during our vacation. I'm the one who wasn't real sure if it was something he should do or not...I just don't want him having a bad reaction to it and getting sick or something, b/c whether or not we're having sex, we want to have fun and be able to enjoy ourselves. We're not that new to this...we've been in this lifestyle for over 3 years and we still have a lot to learn, but we're not "newbies", but up until this point, we have not full-swapped, so it's like we're "starting all over again" when it gets close to that...

I'm going to have a talk w/him and see what he feels comfortable with..thanks to all for your replies!!

[hotcpl4unfla]

I have experienced "performance anxiety" on two occasions playing withe the other couple- and it usually comes from inhibitions or nerves. I started using Cialis instead of Viagra (Viagra only lasts a little while, and although its effects are much stronger, Cialis works just as well) to overcome this.
A lot of people don't understand that men are sometimes nervous about how they perform with another woman, and with an audience and expectations that pressure can shrink one's spirits, so to speak. Some poeple have issues with this, others don't. Using Cialis is a method I used to "not worry". I had no problems getting it up at the beginning of our sessions, but if something was going on that I wasn't 100% comfortable with, I would lose it and it would take a little before the wife could get me going again. One time, it got to the point I was not in the mood any longer because of it...fortunately we were in the hot tub no one could really tell.
I used Cialis so I wouldn't worry about "losing it", and it has worked like a charm. Once I overcame my anxiety of "losing it" with our play couple, I no longer needed it. I still use it from time to time- if I anticipate a marathon session on the boat one afternoon or I am exceptionally horny- it works awesome.
Just make sure he gets a checkup, his doctor clears him to use it, and I see no harm in it.
Doctors have even debated that taking something like Cialis or Viagra can be beneficial for older men in maintaining strong and harder erections. The theory is, the more you can get the blood flowing to that appendage, the healthier it is- like working out with weights- you can strengthen it and make it bigger. I am 40 and mine still touches my stomach if I am standing even when I don't use it. I'd have to say it helps.

[A&M2007]

Originally Posted by hotcpl4unfla

I have experienced "performance anxiety" on two occasions playing withe the other couple- and it usually comes from inhibitions or nerves. I started using Cialis instead of Viagra (Viagra only lasts a little while, and although its effects are much stronger, Cialis works just as well) to overcome this.
A lot of people don't understand that men are sometimes nervous about how they perform with another woman, and with an audience and expectations that pressure can shrink one's spirits, so to speak. Some poeple have issues with this, others don't. Using Cialis is a method I used to "not worry". I had no problems getting it up at the beginning of our sessions, but if something was going on that I wasn't 100% comfortable with, I would lose it and it would take a little before the wife could get me going again. One time, it got to the point I was not in the mood any longer because of it...fortunately we were in the hot tub no one could really tell.
I used Cialis so I wouldn't worry about "losing it", and it has worked like a charm. Once I overcame my anxiety of "losing it" with our play couple, I no longer needed it. I still use it from time to time- if I anticipate a marathon session on the boat one afternoon or I am exceptionally horny- it works awesome.
Just make sure he gets a checkup, his doctor clears him to use it, and I see no harm in it.
Doctors have even debated that taking something like Cialis or Viagra can be beneficial for older men in maintaining strong and harder erections. The theory is, the more you can get the blood flowing to that appendage, the healthier it is- like working out with weights- you can strengthen it and make it bigger. I am 40 and mine still touches my stomach if I am standing even when I don't use it. I'd have to say it helps.

Thanks for the reply...I talked to my hubby about it, and he does want to go ahead and try some meds to see if that helps. I see nothing wrong with it as long as he knows that one way or another, I still think he is fantastic, and I do wish he wouldn't put so much pressure on himself, but I guess that's a "man" thing and I suppose if I had a penis and were in that situation, I'd probably be pressuring myself too much too! I just hope he dosen't have a bad reaction to the meds, but I guess we'll test it out before we go !! Thanks again for your replies!!

[hotcpl4unfla]

The only issue he may notice is headache (easily remidied by taking two Excedrin at the same time he takes the meds), and face flushing- almost feels like a mild sunburn, and your face and ears turn a little red. No biggie, and I don't think there is any way around that, except take a smaller dose. I personally take about a half a Cialis, and don't notice the side effects as much compared to Viagra. Good luck!