Any men on here willing to share their thoughts about ego and performance

[MattnCynn]

I was wondering if there were any men willing to share their feelings about their first couple of experiences?

Did any of you have any ego issues to deal with??
Did you worry so much about being able to perform that you couldnt get hard??
Did you like seeing your wife with another man or did you worry that she was enjoying him too much??

Hubby and I met a couple at a club last wknd. We fooled around a little by the dance floor. Hubby had a problem getting hard even tho he received attention by 2 different women. which by the way I really enjoyed watching facelick . I knew something was bugging him so I took him to a private corner to talk to him. He had no problem getting hard then and we had a great time with just the two of us.

He now is so down on himself about not being able to get an erection when he was with the other women. Even tho he was told this can and probably would happen. Are there any men on this board that had this problem and would be willing to share their experience. I think it would help him to read what some of you guys were feeling or problems you might have had when you first started out.

Thanks
Cindy

[spectraschain]

Aww......this comes up all the time. Tell him not to worry, this is a normal reaction for many men.

Sensory overload. That's what I blame it on when it happens to me...and it does from time to time...

I'll search some threads for you/him...he is NOT alone...

[spectraschain]

For Starters

Another

Yet Again

I told you he wasn't alone...

You get the point...wealth of information here on that topic...

[good times]

Yep, I agree with spectraschain, it is usually sensory overload, just too much of a good thing and too much to think about all at once. Happened to me at first, sometimes still does with someone new, but I have figured out over time ways to overcome it as long as the woman I am with is willing to take it a little slower the first time. the hardest part he has to overcome now is that he will stress about it happening again which just about guarantees that it will. The best cure for that is just what you did, when we first got started and I had this problem we just played with each other in a group setting for the next few trips to the club until I got comfortable with having sex around strangers, worked like a charm.

[spectraschain]

Did you like seeing your wife with another man or did you worry that she was enjoying him too much??

I like this response from resident guru Spoomonkey.

[spectraschain]

Originally Posted by Willing Student

I like this response from resident guru Spoomonkey.

Spectra awaits with baited breath for deeper exploration of the aforementioned post...

[iapr]

It is a very frequent occurance which you will discover the more you read the posts here and other forums. Not only can men have difficulty getting it up but some can get it up but not get it off with other women. And the opposite of that is true as well and some men will do fine with their own partners but will have premature issues with other women.

Don't fret over it or dwell on it or make a big issue of it or it will just get worse. Try not to set up any expectations or try to live out any specific fantasies or scenarios. Just go and have fun and try to relax and enjoy yourselves and do what ever enjoying yourself entails.

As a male I can say all of us guys like to think we are porn stars and super studs that can rize to the occasion anywhere, anytime and with anyone. The reality is that the parts in question just don't follow that same philosophy. Heck even porn stars gobble viagra like popcorn so even porn stars don't function like that.

The truth is men also need to feel secure and comfortable before things can happen. There is often so much emphasis put on making the women feel secure and comfortable that it is easy to forget that men too need to feel ok in order for things to happen.

don't give up and don't fuss over it. If it happens just keep on trucking and do other things for awhile. I have not had it happen to me yet but it will some day and when it does I will just pull some other tricks out of my sleeve. I am so much more than just a cock that even if that doesn't want to work noone is going home without a smile including myself and that is the attitude that he needs to have.

[interested-05]

simply put stress will do that to you. recognize it for what it is and it wil be ok.
Stressed about sex is pretty normal with a new partner add to that another couple, ar group setting your mind will be thinking too much and that will definitely interfere withthe libido.

[cuzzeyesaidso]

Same thing happened with a friend of ours. He was really bothered by it. He got pretty embarrassed and couldn't perform for any woman but his wife. On night we were all in their bedroom having fun and out of the blue, he had a hard on!!!! I yelled for my wife to hurry up and bend over and he just shoved his dick into her with one big push bareback. He's been performing like a porn star ever since. What helped him was relaxing and realizing that my wife didn't think less of him for not being able to fuck her. She creatively found other ways to have fun with him.

And yes we still all fuck bareback.

[starryeyes]

Great questions.... In retrospect, no he really didn't have any issues. Since we communicated very openly about what was going to happen for quite some time before we got involved with other couples, fantasy played a huge role. When we finally got with another couple, it was fantastic. Don't think either of us were really watching the other save for glances, so when we would relive the experience, we would both get extremely hot. Even to the point where we would be driving, walking, doing whatever and the slightest hint of recollection would send waves through us. It is great.

The biggest issues have to be communication and trust. We know we love eachother and are enhancing our sex life with the addition of others, so I think it kept issues at bay.

As a matter of fact, this weekend is a play weekend... and anticipation is really mounting. Take care and have a great one.

[MattnCynn]

Thanks for all your replies.

We are going to go to a club again this wknd. I think he is feeling more relaxed about it all now. I was thinking about arriving early and maybe playing just the 2 of us to start the night out. Maybe that will help him relax a little.

What do you guys think?

Any other suggestions??

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by MattnCynn

Thanks for all your replies.

We are going to go to a club again this wknd. I think he is feeling more relaxed about it all now. I was thinking about arriving early and maybe playing just the 2 of us to start the night out. Maybe that will help him relax a little.

What do you guys think?

Any other suggestions??

Never clean the pipes if you want to use your organ right away.

[Thumper]

Interesting topic.

We've gone to three on-site parties . . . but only played with each other. Thoroughly enjoyed ourselves but, being newbies, contented ourselves with being voyeurs. One club, in particular, was an absolute paradise.

We've had two threesomes . . . one of which was fantastic, the other disappointing. In the first instance, we partied and I also took a great number of photos of my lady and the other gent. I learned later that she had held back and did not allow herself to cum as she thought that might hurt my feelings. I told her that would have been a turn-on for me.

We looked at those photos repeatedly and for the next four or five days would get so turned on we'd have sex three to four times a day! (We haven't done that for a long time now . . . ).

I actually wanted to continue the relationship. He was a nice guy, we got along famously, everything was great. But work schedules kept interfering and I suspect my lady eventually felt as though perhaps the guy was rejecting us (her). I had talked to him via email on several occasions and he assured me he was most interested in getting back together but it just never happened. Then I think he got fired and we haven't been able to locate him since. (I've been the one trying; my lady seems to have lost interest in him).

In the second instance the guy was a nice fella but he had performance problems. He felt bad and we felt bad for him but, bottom line, nothing happened.

We still have not played with another couple, not even soft swap . . . I'm somewhat interested in soft swap but find it hard to get terribly interested in another woman and worry about performance issues. I don't want to let the other woman down, am really more interested in seeing my lady have a wonderful time.