erectile dysfunction has led to a fear of being left out

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Originally Posted by freebird

I think you have done the right thing by putting the question bluntly to the other couple. The golden rule is that if things don't work out, just move on. No point in getting stuck and feeling bad.
The very size of your post and the feeling u r able to convey through it shows that ur a reasonable sort of guy. So better luck next time..Just remember this "keep moving"

I agree with freebird.... The statistics heavily favor you finding a couple out there that is an ideal match for you guys....without a whole lot of difficulty.

And you sound like a very nice guy, BUT even if you're the nicest guy in the world, the need for balance and equality outweighs your sacrificing so that the other three can have fun. In the long run (and often short run) it ain't gonna work if it ain't balanced in everyone's sight. (I'm not talking about couples who want and go after 3 somes--they know what they're about).

I'm strictly refering to couples who swing.

To quote the old song: "If it don't come easy...you'd better let it go..."

And you sound like a very nice guy, BUT even if you're the nicest guy in the world, the need for balance and equality outweighs your sacrificing so that the other three can have fun. In the long run (and often short run) it ain't gonna work if it ain't balanced in everyone's sight. (I'm not talking about couples who want and go after 3 somes--they know what they're about).

I am a little confused about your above statement?? But why should MrVan give some balance so the rest of us can have fun? If MrVan is not having a good time, then I as the wife am not having a good time. This lifestyle is for the both of us and it seems that with your comment you were being a little harsh on MrVan and not the other couple. MrVan should not ever have to sacrifice things for others enjoyment, period....And if that is your idea of fun then so be it, but it is not ours.

We have given up on this couple as hard as it has been. We are not going to contact them as we wanted to see if they would contact us but we have not heard from them so guess they are feeling the same way. So as for your comment of "if it dont come easy...then let it go.." we let them go.

MrsVan

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by MrsVan

If MrVan is not having a good time, then I as the wife am not having a good time.

I agree with MrsVan. You are suggesting taking one for the team - not that he is playing with someone outside of his strike zone, but that he is playing with someone that - for one reason or the other, things just don't click.

In the words of Van Wilder's Dad, "Sometimes you have to realize a bad investment and cut your losses... Write that down."

There is a limit to how much you can or should try with a couple. If the chemistry isn't working and everyone isn't enjoying themselves, it is best to step away. Preferable to part as friends if possible, but definitely best to give up the sexual side of the relationship.

Spoomonkey

[VanHlebar]

I think you guys may have misunderstood his comments or maybe I am. I took them to mean that if it isn't balanced with all four of us (me not having any fun) then we should let it go and move on. I didn't get the vibe of him saying I needed to do it for them...but maybe I am the one missing something here..besides the playtime.

-Van

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Originally Posted by VanHlebar

I think you guys may have misunderstood his comments or maybe I am. I took them to mean that if it isn't balanced with all four of us (me not having any fun) then we should let it go and move on. I didn't get the vibe of him saying I needed to do it for them...but maybe I am the one missing something here..besides the playtime.

-Van

You understood me correctly... I can come off a little convoluted sometimes...especially if I don't proof my writing or put enough paragraphs in.

[NandTfromCA]

Sorry to hear that you two were treated like that. Whatever is going on with them is unfortunate but clearly they have a very low self-awareness at best and are really selfish at worst.

You two are good looking and seem like really nice people so I have to think there are a ton of other potential matches for you in Cinci.

T

PS. I don’t blame you for having performance anxiety if you are feeling left out. It’s already been said that EVERYONE should be included (or at least clear expectations need to be set from the beginning about who will be included).