He never orgasms when we swing

[Florida*Girl]

I was wondering if someone out there might be able to give me a little advice. We are really new at this swinging thing and I'm not sure how much of the time this issue comes up. This is my question: how many of you males out there are not able to have an orgasm with your female swing partners?

Recently, we met a couple that we like a lot. We seem to enjoy each other's company and all get along - much better than any of the other couples we have swung with. We have played with them 5 times in the last 8 weeks since we met them, and he always has firm erections during sex or blow jobs. He seems to enjoy himself and he can go for a long time, but he never comes. He just gets worn out after awhile and we finally stop.

He's very sure that I have a good time, so I haven't had any problems and neither have my hubby and his wife. He says he doesn't have a problem with not coming, either but he doesnt know why it never happens. He has no problems at home with his wife, but has had this problem with all of his female swing partners. I am starting to feel somehow inferior because we just never have had the usual "happy ending" - even though he assures me that it's not my fault.

Any suggestions?

[cumhungrycouple]

Originally Posted by Florida*Girl

I was wondering if someone out there might be able to give me a little advice. We are really new at this swinging thing and I'm not sure how much of the time this issue comes up. This is my question: how many of you males out there are not able to have an orgasm with your female swing partners?

Recently, we met a couple that we like a lot. We seem to enjoy each other's company and all get along - much better than any of the other couples we have swung with. We have played with them 5 times in the last 8 weeks since we met them, and he always has firm erections during sex or blow jobs. He seems to enjoy himself and he can go for a long time, but he never comes. He just gets worn out after awhile and we finally stop.

He's very sure that I have a good time, so I haven't had any problems and neither have my hubby and his wife. He says he doesn't have a problem with not coming, either but he doesnt know why it never happens. He has no problems at home with his wife, but has had this problem with all of his female swing partners. I am starting to feel somehow inferior because we just never have had the usual "happy ending" - even though he assures me that it's not my fault.

Any suggestions?

And you say he enjoys it? you enjoy it? whats the problem?

Men dont need to ejaculate to to have an orgasm. indeed its an art that is sought after! Men enjoy sex with out ejaculating as well. Maybe he prefers to keep the ejaculation for his wife the woman he loves?

maybe thats a special thing for him! just chill out. if both enjoy so? let him have his own limits.

[lovedoctor]

So I'm wondering if he "enjoys it" does he actually express to you that his goal is NOT to come, or does he want to come but cannot? I think those are two different issues.

[meandher2go]

its happened to ME. sometimes i get so excited i dont want it to end and it doesnt. it didnt mean i wasnt having fun as i certainly was.

its NOT about cumming, its about fun

[BorisNatasha]

This happens to me all the time when I meet new people. For me it's stress related (even if it's good stress). It happens when I just can't relax enough. As I get to know the person I'm with better, it becomes easier and easier to 'get there'.

In my last 2 long term relationships I had to go to great lengths to explain that "no you aren't doing anything wrong" and "yes I'm enjoying this immensely" and after a while it all sorted itself out.

Boris

[good times]

I have had this happen a couple of times and in all cases it wasn't something the woman I was with did or didn't do, but more of a case of me over doing it. The reason it has happened to me is that I am having such a good time that I hold off on having an orgasm so that we can play longer. Then when I get to the point that I have played as long as I can I am too tired to give that final push to orgasm. I usually try not to do this but sometimes just get so caught up in the pleasure of it all that I over extend myself. If you both had a good time though I wouldn't worry about it. As you can see from the responses to this thread their are all kinds of things that could cause this, but I'll have to admit, having it happen 5 times in a row does seem a little odd to me.

[sereneiders]

It happens to me often, moreover when with new people, and happend to me in previous relationships that it used to take too long for me to come.

As Brat said, that leaded me to hard times explainign "everithing is ok and I enjoyed it". Of course, an orgasm is better than none at all, but by now I dont make myelf expectations (i'd have it later on, given the case, with my wife) and enjoy it anyway. What's important is the fun more than the orgasms you have.

I recognize the motivation have to do with the need to remain in control of the situation, which leads me to certain stress level that I lose as I get relaxed and used with the people.

Soemthing is for sure... making an issue of this wouldn't help, en may become worst. If you want to be in control, and suppose this is something that you can fix from being concious or by focusing on something while in the middle, well... you enhance that controlling feeling, making it less likely to happen. And moreover if he feels this interfere with you and you blame yourself.

If he said to you he's ok and he enjoy it, I'd suggert you avoid beating the horse. Give him time and take his word for good.

[sexyshelby]

Is he using a condom? Some men have difficulties reaching orgasm with a condom, especially if he's not used to wearing one with his wife.

If everyone is having fun, then no need to worry. I've had lots of great sex and I didnt cum. That doesn't mean it doesnt feel good and it doesn't mean that I'm not having fun. Give it time, maybe after he relaxes more and is more comfortable with swinging and with you, it will happen. But if not, no worries, just enjoy and have a good time.

~SS

[Ofrdcple]

This happened to me the first time we played. I think my senses were overloaded. I was taking in the fact that Mrs was doing another woman, for only the second time. (Us guys only watched the first time), Her husband (my good friend) had entered her from behind. Now I felt slightly pressured to make sure his Mrs didn't feel left out, so I was thinking about all this at the same time and might have had sensory overload. I had a respectable erection but didn't cum. I did manage to satisfy my friend’s wife. At the end of the night all were happy including me. After our friends left, and we had settled down, the wife and I had some great sex. I had absolutely no problem finishing.

Since then, (It's been three years) we still play semi-regularly with those guys and this has never happened again. It has actually evolved into a great thing. We will go out and not play as often as we go out and play. Once the newness had worn off, and the expectations had decreased, no problems.

We are very laid back in the way we approach our play. That seems to help. The Mrs sometimes will get worked up thinking she has to meet certain people's expectations at first. But I really don't care if play happens or not. I think that attitude has been a big help. Go with everyone’s advice here. If everyone involved is having fun, why stop? Orgasms aren’t the only enjoyable thing about swinging.

Good Luck, Mr Ofrdcple

[slolrner]

Could he be taking a anti-depressant? I have heard of this problem with men taking them. I have had personal experience with Lexapro and stopped taking it because of this problem, I would rather be depressed.

[JM153]

Dito to all the above. For me sometimes with a new partner, not only do I not ejaculate, but I have difficulty getting hard. Familiarity certainly helps. And both only get worse if I focus on them or look upon it as a problem. Also, if I use a performance enhancer - viagra type drug or a condom it is more difficult to ejaculate. In sum, I agree with the other advice - it is not you and let it go. Who knows he may ejaculate the next time or never - the important thing is that all are enjoying the experience for what it is.
JM

[Florida*Girl]

Thank you for all your advice. I've wondered before if Viagra could make it more difficult for a man to climax.

(And in answer to your question: yes he does WANT to ejaculate if he could, he just cannot actually get there. It's not like he is trying to hold back. He did say once that he is a little nervous - like his wife might be jealous or something if he did. So, I guess it is a mental thing.)



I'm going to take your suggestions and just continue to enjoy!