How do you deal with loss of excitement while playing?

[Bonnie&Clyde]

my husband and i had our first swinging experience a week ago. it went so-so but we will do it again while playing i noticed several things:

- the men i was playing with (2) were not entirely excited and neither was my husband... i mean they were all happy to kiss, touch, suck but their (sorry to be so explicit) dicks were only half hard.

now i realized that i was nowhere near as excited as i thought i would be (and the women that i played with werent all together wet and wild if you catch my drift.

my question would be, is this normal atr first to feel a bit disconnected when there are so many people around? do people usually react like that (all the couples were relatively new at this) until they get comfortable with the people they play with?

i am just curious, i had a great time and the other couples told us that they also did and want to do it again

thanks for your comments

[gaznrachy]

Not being very experienced myself I'm probably qualified to reply to this one!

I beleive it is perfectly normal to feel this way. I still do! As much as it is a dream come true and so exciting I only get to half mast! If you know what I mean!

Much of it is over excitment I think.

Also the situation is so different from what you or I are used to, 2 people who know and love each other in a bed. Now you may have many poeple interacting and I think like any new exciting and unusual exprience it will take a while to become relaxed completely with it.

My wife is similair, although she gets unbelievably wet she just can't orgasm...her nerves I guess.

If you had a great time then don't worry about it and just keep having a great time. I'm sure the rest will come in time....excuse the pun!

Good luck!

[2inVT]

It takes a while to figure out what best works for you.

For Mr2, it's going to work best if he has contact online with the lady of the couple we've got a playdate with. It gives him a chance to talk about what she likes and how she likes it, and it gives him time to think about what's going to happen and fantasize a bit. It starts the foreplay, so to speak.

That also works for me, and foreplay in person is also good. For me, a bit of flirtatious assertiveness on the part of the other man is very erotic. Knowing that he's attracted to me and wants to fuck is important.

It's just a matter of figuring out what your style is, and what makes you hot.

Swinging tends to be a process; with more experiences you develop what you need as a couple.

[Bonnie&Clyde]

thank you guys for the reply is good to know that what is happening to us is not completely crazy, i mean even if the day after my husband and i were so excited we couldnt even keep our hands off each other, the feelings during playing were different.

i think that it will change in time as we get more experience. truth be told we never talked before with the people we played, we met at a party (not play party) and talked for about 3 hours before going home with us, so is not like a "friendship had been established"

we are looking forward to move on with this and eventually make it feel as natural as we dream of

[2inVT]

For some folks, the "friendship" is not important, and for some, it's something they do not want at all.

We don't necessarily need it to be a "friendship", but the discussion and fantasizing beforehand makes the experience better for us.

There is also the nerves factor in playing with others. Because we don't want one-night-stands, or fuck-and-flees, we find that the more we get together with a couple or single, the better it gets. Certainly there are times that there are no repeats, but it happens. You don't know how it's going to go until you get together. For us, the more comfortable we are with our partners, the better it goes for everyone.

[puddles]

We find that novelty in sex is somewhat over-rated, that to be one's best one has to find a "groove". This is especially true for guys. Another factor is that physical fatigue affects performance; that when one stops to take a breath, the work suffers. That's where performance-enhancing herbs and vitamins have a role to play. note that you can buy the same products cheaper from a health shop than from a sexual specialist, if you just read the labels (I'm talking tribulus, Ginseng, horny goat Weed, Muira Puama; diet makes a big diff. too)

[ItTakes3]

Welcome to sexual maturity.

When I was a teen, even the most miniscule sexual thought brought on raging erections. As I got older, it usually took explicit visual stimuli to have the same effect.

Then I reached the point where the brain did much more to stimulate me than anything visual could do. After all, most sexual activity is mostly the same thing, so the new and interesting things had to occur in the mind. After a while, body parts started to look pretty much the same, except for size.

As time went on, my sexual interest became charged in two ways. The first was with my wife. She knows exactly which buttons to push and can get me fired up in mere seconds! Sex with her is fantastic. The other way is the "forbidden fruit" turn-on...thinking about sex with a woman who is not your wife. That works for a few times and then it too becomes old hat. Just getting off in another woman becomes no big deal.

We have now reached the point where we selectively push each other's buttons. I now get my strongest erections in a threesome situation watching her with another man...and she gets her kicks putting on a show for me.

We also enjoy seduction. Whether it's a man or a woman, we love to talk about "what if's". If we find a person that one or both of us find interesting, or thoughts of sex with them stimulating, we plan on how we are going to get them into a bed. Sometimes it happens; sometimes it doesn't and sometimes we lose interest. Oftentimes the mechanics and mental stimulation of the seduction are more of a turn-on than the actual time in bed.

To get to the point...just swapping because we can, doesn't get me very excited and keeping an erection can be a problem. If I haven't been mentally teased and conditioned, I might as well masturbate. It takes quality rather than quantity for both my wife and I. I don't mean we need beautiful people, or perfect physical specimans. Actually it's more often the opposite.

As I said earlier, the brain becomes the primary sex organ and we seek others with a similar opinion. A pair of silicone D's on a hard body do nothing for me if they are attached to a boring, egotistical airhead. A body that has borne babies, gotten stretched and has begun to sag, excites the heck out of me if I like the person inside.

To sum it up, sometime swapping works, sometimes not. It depends on the people.

[Bonnie&Clyde]

thank you all for the reply yes this is something that i find fascinating, that i think about it and it drives me wild and then i am actually doing it, aka living my fantasy and my body really doesnt respond the way i would have hoped.

i think this is something that only time and patience can manage (and maybe some female viagra!) LOL LOL
but is a form of consolation to know i am not alone...

[cur_cpl_n_chey]

your definately not in the minority, I find it is usually the first time we play with a couple that things will happen but we don't usually reach fulfillment. I have noticed that with my husband erection occurs but he rarely finnishes. It happens sometimes with us alone but more often that not its when we are in a foursome or a threesome. There is only one guy that we play with that my husband finnishes.

We make a point to meet the person or couple at least once before we play and this is part of the reason we don't go to clubs besides its real far to drive. This is to make us more at ease with each other.

I hope this helps
mrs Cur

[AmyNGreg]

Amy and I had our first experience last week and I was thinking the same thing about this.

We participated in a full swap in different rooms. While I was turned on tremendously by the other woman and FELT turned on, I couldn't seem to get as hard as I normally do. At the time I was thinking, "Oh come on buddy, don't fail me now!", but thinking back, because it was the first time I'd been with a woman other than my wife, I was a little nervous about it and chances are good that had an affect on me, even subconsciously. I knew my wife was upstairs with the husband, but maybe deep down I still had a little anxiety about it.

I'm not too worried about it because it was just our first time and worrying about it might even make more anxiety, which might lead to more problems.

To me, it feels like dating for the first time again, and I was ALWAYS nervous about that.

-Greg

[HappyPeople]

We haven't had any trouble yet... Since play usually takes a while when there are numerous people involved, I've found that when the "excitement" wanes, both the men and women have found other stuff to do (oral, taking a smoke break, watching) until the feeling comes back. Since we are "puppy pile" type lovers (where everyone touches everyone), there's still stuff to do until the wood or wet comes back.

[janaandjames]

I knew my wife was upstairs with the husband, but maybe deep down I still had a little anxiety about it.

>>>>

we have had that experience too.
we find that we just do not enjoy seperate room swinging nearly as much, and dont get as excited.
as someone said, it does depend on your style.
we enjoy clubs, but dont get as aroused there as we do with either a single male playmate or another couple..

jana

[AmyNGreg]

As it was our first time, that could definitely be the case. The next time we swing we'll be a little more adventurous and do the same room thing and see how it works out.

My gut feeling tells me it was just first time jitters though. My first time with a woman was actually a similar experience, and being so worried about what to do and how she would like it, I think it was a little bit of overload and even somewhat distracting.

-Greg

[janaandjames]

we'll be a little more adventurous and do the same room thing and see how it works out.
>>>>
interesting, i would have thought seperate rooms would be more adventurous
just a matter of perspective ... i prefer the safety of same room. so for us, to do seperate room, would be unusual

>>>>

My gut feeling tells me it was just first time jitters though. My first time with a woman was actually a similar experience, and being so worried about what to do and how she would like it, I think it was a little bit of overload and even somewhat distracting.

>>>

youre probably right about that.
anything the first time ... is a stressful experience.

jana

[Edison Carter]

A beginning is always a difficult time. That being said, it's really about focus. If I'm in the moment and not in a bunch of other moments (such as what my wife susan is doing elsewhere, past experiences, overthinkng things, etc) the woman I'm with has a great time, I have a great time and we both cum like freight trains.

As we used to say at Track and field meets: If you're in the 100 meter dash and your thinking about the pole vault, you're going to have a really bad 100 meter dash.