Not quite solid.

[michelle101]

Hello all, need your imput on something. The first time we full swapped, Mr. 101 couldn't get it up. No big deal, we played around it. It was all good. Mr. 101 wasn't worried about it. First time and all. I think we almost expected it.

Since then he has been able to perform quite well, although, he is never as rock hard as he is when we have sex alone. Also, his erection will come and go like it has it's own agenda. I've also noticed that all but one of the males we have played with have been the same way. Not quite a solid erection and it comes and goes. Each and every time I have tried to get on top of a swing partner, they loose their erection. My husband told me this also happens to him. If a woman gets on top of him, he looses it. This is not the case with us having sex alone, as this is one of our favorite positions.

So is it just coincidence that we happen to play with people who have the same issues, or is this common? Has it ever happened to you? Does it change after you have been swinging for a while? We have only been in the lifestyle for a couple of months. Everyone seems to take it in stride, oh well, it happens, Mr. Happy's got a mind of his own. , but we are just wondering if it changes in time. Will anyone but me ever experience the " Full " pleasure of Mr. 101? We would love your imput. Thanks Mrs.101

[nhcpl1968]

Since then he has been able to perform quite well, although, he is never as rock hard as he is when we have sex alone. Also, his erection will come and go like it has it's own agenda. I've also noticed that all but one of the males we have played with have been the same way. Not quite a solid erection and it comes and goes. Each and every time I have tried to get on top of a swing partner, they loose their erection. My husband told me this also happens to him. If a woman gets on top of him, he looses it. This is not the case with us having sex alone, as this is one of our favorite positions.

So is it just coincidence that we happen to play with people who have the same issues, or is this common? Has it ever happened to you? Does it change after you have been swinging for a while? We have only been in the lifestyle for a couple of months. Everyone seems to take it in stride, oh well, it happens, Mr. Happy's got a mind of his own. , but we are just wondering if it changes in time. Will anyone but me ever experience the " Full " pleasure of Mr. 101? We would love your imput. Thanks Mrs.101

I have had this problem with first time encounters with new partners it is normal to happen .... and it will get better the longer you are in the lifestyle .

[ready2play]

We have been swinging for a year now, and my Hubby's own Mr. Happy also has his ups and downs. He has tried viagra and it really did not make a difference except the initial hardness, then it does it's up and down trick. I truely believe that it does not effect swinging except he is definatly imaginative with positions because that seems to help with the getting "up" again. We also don't seem to have this problem alone..I wonder if it is a comfort thing..

[BodyScape02]

Ah male performance anxiety... they all have it. None of them want to admit it...and somehow... it is the woman’s fault half the time...that I don't get...as I think we have every right to expect a good hard ride. Perhaps that is what scares them…we expect to get something out of it as much as they do… that is counter to how most men were brought up. Women are not passive objects anymore, especially not in the swing community, and they may have difficulty adjusting to just how sexual and voracious we really are.

Regardless, you have to be sympathetic...I think time and comfort level and no alcohol (the main reason for the famous “whiskey dick” or “dairy queen” soft serve condition) are the cure. Once you find regular swing partners, who you both are comfortable with, it will hopefully resolve itself.

If not... then you may want to consider a cock ring. It is an old low tech solution, which may turn off some men... I don't know why... it is really just a sex toy for men that is designed to give the woman pleasure too. It could be fun.

With respect,

~Cat

[EvilMJ]

Hubby has his ups and downs as well but it is alway only when we play, not with me. He has never blamed anyone and we have found solutions to the problem. The big one, is never drink and play, doesn't mix well at all, second is make sure he is not tired or play really late in the morning, like 4:30 am or something silly like that. He has even tried viagra once in a while and that has worked too.

I think most of the time is it s a mental thing that guys have to work through. But sometimes they need a little assistance. I have been with guys have this problem and rather than let them beat themselves up over it I tell them that there are lots of other fun things we can to do.

It is a common problem and nothing to get upset over, just do a little trial and error and see what you can do to make things easier for him. Remember there is nothing that is going to keep things from getting hard then the feeling of pressure to perform.

[trublujo]

We have also run across alot of men like this... guess it just comes with the territory i have no understanding. I just let them know "it's all good" and will never be upset about it. On the other hand my DH has never had this problem has always been "rock hard" in fact one woman was in total awe at how he stayed so hard lol

[sereneiders]

Only ladies answered this one, lol.

Well, guys, don't let me alone here.

We are swingers from 1 1/5 year by now, and it still happens to me... dammit.

I believe it's an anxiety thing related with the expectation presure we put on ourselves: "oh, well... she's a swinger... experienced with other guys... she'll compare me against them, but it's ok, I never had a complain" but our little friend keep thinking by itself, and you need just a little flaw from him to start worrying and... that's it, you mind is trapped: "I know, you're joking... ok, enough joking pal... damn! I know, the more I think of this, the worst it goes, so I wont think of this... ... ... damn! I am NOT thinking of this... am I thinking of this when I think of not thinking of this? mmmm yes... ok, let the fingers and tonge play... hopefully she'll understand and have fun as well... but pal, you owe me an explanation".

In the other hand we have some regulars, and it seems as time goes on and you get confident, your pal give up.

We swing at our club, and there things could be worst because of the people hanging around. I tried Cialis, but even when it seems to work at the begining, it doesn't seem to make much difference at last: I am sure my pal already said no to drugs.

But I will try the ring stuff and let you know.

[valley]

You poor dear sweet men!.......unfortunately many of you still think sex is a competition.'what if he's better than me ?'.....'What if she likes it bigger than me ?'......'what if.....' and so it goes on forever.

Relax guys.......so what if there is comparison......it means nothing!I'm sure that most other ladies would agree with me, the pleasure of the moment is all that matters.

My husband says to me..'I hope the next sex you have is the best sex youve had'.....my normal response ,every time is,'my last one is going to be fantastic'........but its true.Its not important if its him or another guy that gives me 'the best sex ever',because we are together, sharing that moment anyway. That moment would not have been there if not for him,so there is no problem with comparison.

If a guy has trouble because hes experiencing anxiety,just make sure you relax him,assure him hes not competing,and just get about proving that sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. facelick
.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by valley

You poor dear sweet men!

Someone give me something to cut my veins!

Originally Posted by valley

.......unfortunately many of you still think sex is a competition.'what if he's better than me ?'.....'What if she likes it bigger than me ?'......'what if.....' and so it goes on forever.

As a better startpoint, it would be good to understand it isn't something you actually "think" because you have a belief. It's a cultural legacy which, at last, comes from our biology as mamals: if it were up to the biligical stuff, we would be competing, and that was translated into our culture, at many levels (and actually not only for males): you have to be successfull like the model shown on TV, and many aspects of our lives are driven by expectations which not necesarily belong to us. Our culture whispers against our ears, telling us we have to be good providers, they have to perceive us a solid and able to protect our families (thus you shouldn't show any flaw or weakness), so we're pushed to fit the macho stereotype.

Some of us already evolved biologically and have eyelids in their ears as to be able to stop hearing the whispering, others still didn't.

This isn't something belonging to our gender, it have many faces, some affects women, some affects men, and some both. And also this isn't something you can get rid of by means of just rationalizing: I actually don't believe it's a contest, and the idea of competing ins't even appealing to me, even so, I have to recognize I hear the cultural background whispering.

Culture have an inertia, you cannot change some things just because you "understood" the facts. As example of this, even when being as sexually liberals as we are because of our lifestyle, wifes still carry on her husbands last names and drop their own lastname. What for? Just because maternity is something given for granted by nature, while paternity isn't, it is just a matter of faith (unless ADN test bring up, but people only submit to those test when under a serious dispute) and that play a big role in the cultural murmbling that undermine our gender at an existential level: women are closest to the Gods because they bring life to this world, and they leave a legacy when gone, but men have to have faith about the legacy they actually are supposed to leave. So, we, males, needed to "own" a woman as our property because that way we supposedly own their product: life. And we did it for how long? for thousands of years perhaps, and we still need to "brand" our property with our lastname, and in a lot of countries even law enforces this, a custom made to uphold males faith.

This existential difference put men and women in different worlds, we joke about this: "who understand women?", and actually we cannot, and women cannot understand men. You're form Venus and we're from Mars, and even when we use the same words, we have a different language that just seems to be the same.

So, I may rephrase your sentence as to clarify the meaning of your words in Martian language: "You poor dear sweet men, you still need to have faith"... and yes, actually that's the truth.

sereneiders

[HappyPeople]

IMO, anyone who has ever been around a dick for any period of time knows that they tend to have a mind of thier own... No one really knows when it's going to spontaneously go up or down. As long as the fellow attached to it can come up with something fun to make up the difference, it's all good.

[oncewere]

The old guys' definitions
disapointment: The first time you can't do it the second time.
Panic: The second time you can't do it the first time.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by oncewere

The old guys' definitions
disapointment: The first time you can't do it the second time.
Panic: The second time you can't do it the first time.

Ha! That's a good one!

-B

[meandher2go]

ity happened to me and i couldnt believe it. i didn't blame anyone and couldn't. it was all in my head.

but i got over it the next time we played with that couple. i think it is the fact i have to use a condom now with other girls after having a vasectomy to keep from using one with wifey. i got over it though..

[WesternSwing]

It's very hard to perform under pressure, and having to feel like you have to perform really well to satisfy a woman that doesn't know you like your wife knows you can be really daunting. I've been lucky that until recently (covered in another recent thread) I haven't had any performance issues, but many of the men we've played with have. In fact the husband of a couple we know well went forever and ever with Mrs. WS three weeks ago in private (and never came), but when we got together a week later at a party he had a hard time keeping an erection. We were at their house this week and the other wife and I let Mrs. WS and him have a quicky and he came almost right away. So it can be different in different circumstances. Same guy, three different results.

Also, it happens to women. We'd been swinging for nearly a year before Mrs. WS was comfortable enough to have an orgasm with another guy. She had "stage fright" too.

Mr. WS

[savannah_bi_fem]

And I thought it was just me. I think I seem to run into this problem because I am just not wired for rusing into sex. The times that I have tried to "shoot pool with a rope" has been the times where Ms. Sav and I have been with a couple that want the in and out in under an hour encounter. For me I have to be relazed and comfortable with the situation for an erection to happen or stay. We we have been with couples or in situations that are more layed back I don't have this problem. Quite the opposite in fact, the little guy acts like he has got something to prove.