Reaction to guys who can't get an erection

[hilltop]

Just finished reading a thread about a fella who couldn't get an erection and it raised the question (no pun intended) How do you react when a guy can't get hard?

[Just_us49]

I've had it happen to me and the female didn't make a big deal out of it. It was terrible for me though. It seems like the more you try the the limper it gets.

I think the key, in my case anyway, is to aknowledge the problem and then concentrate on relaxing. The female can help me by assuring me it doesn't matter and just focus on having a good time. He usually comes out to play eventually.

I make it clear right from the start that it may take me a bit to get settled down in some ways and raised up in another.

Probably depends on the female but I think if they know what to expect, they don't feel any pressure to make it happen. It actually hasn't bothered any women we have played with and I use it as a good excuse to spend time to pleasure her in other ways. We've had quite a few guys it seems like who have jumped M and started humping after about the first minute. I don't like to do that and so so far on the first date with a couple, I couldn't do that if I wanted.

I've never had what I'd call a bad reaction from a swing partner but I think by explaining it upfront it takes the pressure off me and helps them know what to expect. If they have done much swinging, they have already seen it happen a time or two.

-D

[twobears]

well I know what I do at home with my hubby, we make the best of it and play and kiss his penis,gental touching and oral on him all over, he makes me cum with oral and playing, I love to be finger fucked it drives me wild. He still gets to feel good(meaning it will feel like he wants to cum,so it does feel good to him) a swinger's partner I would do the same, the most you can do to help him to relax and play with toys and make the most of what he has, most can get what I call a solf-hard can get inside me and move some before it gets solf again and he can still drive the lady crazy with foreplay and toys. My husband has been in this situation off and on and now with the last change in blood pressure meds, even after taking one of the "up" pills lol now he gets hard less and I want let him take another one he was different in his response to me the wife but the last 3som fmf he was able to respond and the extra excitment he had no problem. we tried the extra excitment in movies does not work at home, we are still trying to learn why he has this problems, it is more of a phyical problem, nerve damage in back scar tissue, we are still waiting a doctor appointments to fine out. Has anyone else out there taking "Levitra" had a problem with getting back they natural hard on after taking this drug?

[hilltop]

Originally Posted by twobears

we are still trying to learn why he has this problems, it is more of a phyical problem, nerve damage in back scar tissue, we are still waiting a doctor appointments to fine out.

Has anyone else out there taking "Levitra" had a problem with getting back they natural hard on after taking this drug?

twobears -

Great question.
Sometimes the "wonder" pills can come with an unseen price!
I hope you guys are able to get some answers. It sounds like you two have a very lovely understanding partnership!

[JustAskJulie]

I try as much as I can to "fix it", then when I realize it's not going to happen how I react really depends on how the guy reacts. If he gets all sulky and doesn't want to play anymore, fine... if he's still willing to play with what he has available then let's go!

[northindycpl]

I am glad that I re-found this thread.

As a woman I don't expect every man to be hard all the time. Afterall, we aren't all 17 anymore. It really doesn't bother me, and I will give it the ol' college try and see if I can assist. To answer hilltop... My reaction is that it is almost acceptable, and not insurmountable.

But, What do you do if you are playing and your playmate isn't hard while the wife and your husband are going at it. And you can't seem to do anything to help your playmate?

This has happened to me and I am unsure of what to do. Specifically, it seems the wife could care less that her husband isn't hard, and looks to me like it is my issue he isn't.

The playmate gets really embarrassed and frustrated, and he really tries pleasing me, but yet I am somewhat bothered that his wife could care less. And the less hard he is, the more she wants my husband.

Is that a double standard? Mr. Indy and I aren't going to play with this couple again, but it the question is still in my mind.... what do you do?

[starlinn]

Lets turn this around a bit. I know how it makes me feel when it happens. I wonder what I have done wrong. Being that I am a newbie, and have never had the experience with another couple, it is one of my fears. I would wonder if he is not interested in me. Does this happen to other women?

[good times]

Originally Posted by starlinn

Lets turn this around a bit. I know how it makes me feel when it happens. I wonder what I have done wrong. Being that I am a newbie, and have never had the experience with another couple, it is one of my fears. I would wonder if he is not interested in me. Does this happen to other women?

I've only had it happen to me a couple of times and the women always seemed to take it personally, I even had one ask me if it was because she just didn't turn me on. Their are so many things that can contribute to not being able to get it up, but at least in my case, it was never the womens fault. The problem is that if the woman does take it personally it is pretty much over. On the other hand if the woman has a good attitude about it and comes back with something like "let's do something else for a minute" then chances are the erection will happen on its own soon enough.

[starlinn]

Great advice goodtimes!! Whenever I actually get the chance to participate, I will remember that.

[northindycpl]

Starlinn... I have also taken it personally. But then I had sorta the female version of it happen to me. After talking to Mr. Indy I understood.

Sometimes everything can be the cause. For me, I was hot, uncomfortable, distracted by the lights and the noise, and just not feeling it. I went in that room ready to go and went out ready to go home!

I think that is what it is like for men, too. Distractions, level of physical comfort, too much to drink, too late at night, whatever.

GT is right. 99% of the time, I doubt it has anything to do with the woman and everything to do with the situation. Diverting and relieving the situation is the best way to go, and sometimes that works.

[hilltop]

Great replies all!

Sounds like everybody tries to work with it the best they can and I agree, when it gets personal it's usually over. It's too bad that when the ol' ego raises it's head, It gets tough to raise the "other" head back up.

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by hilltop

Great replies all!

Sounds like everybody tries to work with it the best they can and I agree, when it gets personal it's usually over. It's too bad that when the ol' ego raises it's head, It gets tough to raise the "other" head back up.

Honestly.. I have been surprised by the male reactions to PA. I guess going into swinging I expected that this would be a problem, not unlike any other problem and swinging men would have a better attitude towards it. I mean when you are in a sexual environment, so many things can happen that are unplanned, I would have expected swinging men to be the most relaxed about it.

As a woman it is better for me to meet a confidant and honest man with PA that will work with me to have fun than to meet a man with a hard cock just looking for a place to stick it.

On the flipside, I wouldn't let a little thing like my ass jiggling in the sex swing ruin my good time. I wouldn't want a man with PA let his ego ruin his time either.

It is difficult to be a vain swinger.

My question is.....

Do women find this problem as often in a vanilla enviroment as they do in swinging?

Not with someone they are in a long term relationship with, but more along the lines of just meeting and the first time they they run into this head bang

Or is it a proportionately higher rate in a swinging situation?


We have run into situations with single males where they had problems, but if I left the room for a minute or at least out of eye shot they were back in buisness.
I'm not sure why? I am an averagely hung dude so I don't think it is an intimidation factor. Hell, we have played with guys twice my size and it doesn't bother me a bit. In fact I love the pleasure Mrs naughty gets from them! facelick

[NiceTechGuy]

It has only happend to me when I'm way to drunk. Other than that I've never had the problem again..

[northindycpl]

Interesting question. I can say that I never had this issue outside of swinging. I mean I was never with a man that had erection problems before I started swinging. I also never had any performance issues outside of swinging. I have had a few since swinging.

I really don't think people (new men) know how hard it can be to swing. From my perspective it must be really challenging for a man to have to perform somewhat on demand, repeatedly, with a lot of distractions, and with sometimes a lot of other men watching. I can see where that could cause issues.

It has taken me awhile to be comfotable being naked in front of a whole mess of people, and then to get into some of fun, twisted postions. It is entirely easier for me to hide my PA better than it would be for a man.

In my experience, I have only noticed it in the swinging community.