How to convince Mr Big that his brain is more important

[SecretAgent69]

Hey out there..

I am incognito here as a very special couple we like may browse through here from time to time, and we would hate to upset them by something we post. But I have a question hopefully someone can help me with.

The Mr of the other couple is well endowed... something which for me is low on the list of important things in bed. However, after several excursions together I am getting the feeling that he believes his dick size is all that matters. He talks smooth on the phone, dances smooth on the floor... but is straight up in/out in bed. He is not a cocky guy, by any means... but he seems to have a lot of confidence in his dick and his lovemaking... which I consider to be on the level of hmmm a 25 year old male instead of the 40 year old he almost is.

We really like this couple and want to stay with them. They us as well.. yet I am not necessarily looking forward to being with him. How can I gently teach this guy some techniques without blowing his self esteem?

thanks!

[Denver2some]

If you word it carefully, you can make it about your desires rather than his performance. After all, we're all unique ... so why not make an occasional "special request?" for what you like? Most guys I know like a little direction when they are with a new partner.

I would try saying things like:

"Ooh, that is really nice! But I get the best orgasms when someone does this ..." (and show him)

"Can I tell you something I've been wanting a playmate to do for me?" (and whisper it to him)

[JustAskJulie]

I have found this to be true with just about every guy I have ever encountered with a large dick. It's like they've been told that large dicks are so important and special that they've never felt the need to actually develope skills in bed... in their mind they've got all the skillz they need.

I wish I had the answer for you, but it's the same old how do you teach an old dog new tricks... then again maybe you do it like this - I love this story.

[SecretAgent69]

I had read that a while back and loved it!!! Now.. how do I get in control of this situation enough to do that? I am thinking since we all have that swing together rule I need to wait it out a bit till we trust each other more and just see if I can move us to the other side of the room? Just far enough away to get to say things to him that might be embarassing next to everyone else.. hmmm.. sigh.. thinking thinking lol

Thanks!

Edited to add...
Do you think talking to his wife would help? She and I get along REALLY well ... if he is this way with me, but different at home with her, maybe it is just a style change because we are playing, and at home he is making love???

[Vespertine]

I'd be inclined to print the story Julie shared and bring it to your next meeting with the couple. Tell them you thought this story was so hot, you wanted to share it.

Who after reading that, wouldn't be a more considerate lover?

[SecretAgent69]

think i could alter it to say the guy had a big dick? (it may say that, been a while since I read it lol)

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by SecretAgent69

think i could alter it to say the guy had a big dick? (it may say that, been a while since I read it lol)

Absolutely!

I think in the story, the man who needed the lessons on becoming a better lover was about 2 inches bigger than the other guy.

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by SecretAgent69

I had read that a while back and loved it!!! Now.. how do I get in control of this situation enough to do that?

LOL, that's what I wonder too!

I guess I had the opposite reaction to the story than most. I definitely thought it was a hot fantasy story, but come on ... would anybody put up with that much, "You aren't doing the right thing!" feedback ??? In reality ... I think the guy in the story would have walked, if approached that assertively (and negatively.)

Originally Posted by SecretAgent69

think i could alter it to say the guy had a big dick? (it may say that, been a while since I read it lol)

Nah, I don't think it said that ... but I for one found myself reading between the lines.

[SecretAgent69]

I re read it.. it did.. and he was quite happy to have it lol!!!

But in re reading it, hmmmm I dont know if they can read it as a story without being positive that I am trying to say something else. Grrrr... gonna figure this out tho cuz we REALLY like them!!!

What do you all think about me talking to the wife about it?

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by SecretAgent69

I dont know if they can read it as a story without being positive that I am trying to say something else.

I don't think they could either ... not unless you exchange lots of other erotic stories and slip this one in the middle. There's a risk he'd be hurt.

Others may disagree here, but I wouldn't approach the wife. Wives and husbands are a united front, so she could take offense her "other half" was seen as lacking. If she is receptive, you've put her in the position of having to tell him what you'd prefer ... which might make him worry that she agrees with you. Not good either.

Hmm ... Surrender I think we need some male advice here. Guys, how would you prefer to be approached in this situation?

Telling me I had a big dick would be a good start

Use the fact that he has a big crank to your advantage.

Tell him that he is a little big and it hurts in certain positions since he fills your pussy so much and tell him what he could do to prevent hurting you.

That way he still gets that "I'm The Man" Ego & you get him to hit all the right spots.

I don't know about the rest of you guys but that would work for me.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Denver2some

I guess I had the opposite reaction to the story than most. I definitely thought it was a hot fantasy story, but come on ... would anybody put up with that much, "You aren't doing the right thing!" feedback ??? In reality ... I think the guy in the story would have walked, if approached that assertively (and negatively.)

I felt this way too. No guy--especially that guy--would put up with that much negative coaching. It was a great story to read, very sexy to me, and can teach swingers a lot about technique, but I don't see it as being a realistic way to approach a jerk.

The story is best for the non-jerks who are looking to improve their lovemaking and will appreciate the chuckle this story brings.

I don't think Mr Big would appreciate you handing him this story because you'd be telling him you equate him to the "jerk." No man is going to like to hear that.

If Mr Big is worth helping along, your idea of giving him some guidance when it won't embarrass him in front of others sounds best. What you say to his wife will be passed on to him, and she may not communicate the message in the way you'd hope, so I'd not go that direction.

I'd communicate directly to Mr Big.

Good luck and let us know how things go.

LM

[SecretAgent69]

Thank you all for the good tips so far, definitely has given me direction.

Ok... I do think I might need to clarify though what I am talking about as far as technique. Both us and the other couple initially stipulated wanted to be long term, and that passion, not fucking, was the priority. Im getting fucked lol. He can do any position... but this otherwise intelligent man literally becomes jello between the ears in the bedroom. He nearly seems catatonic to me???? I dont know.. confused... grrrr.. wait.. ok .. it is like from the very first time together, no matter how much he SAID he was looking forward to it, or said after how great it was and wanted to do it again... DURING he seemed BORED... ??? Yet (not to brag too much) I know I am very active in bed, very vocal, a squirter which totally turns him on, just some good things working for me there... but yes, like he is bored.

maybe I am looking for more than there is supposed to be... like that story we are discussing in this thread... that is what I am after. Not necessarily so perfect (after all it is a story someone took time to write, edit, etc) but along those lines... exploration, love of the moment, excitement over curves, dips, etc... is that just fantasy? Are there male swingers out there like that???

[good times]

Sure their are.

But I think most guys actually like a little positive coaching, a lot of the fun is knowing your pleasing the one your with. If you frame your comments to him as "this is fun but what really turns me on is if you do this" I can't see how it wouldn't be a positive experiance for both of you.

In our experiance we have run into this often enough that we now include talk about what we like before we even get naked. Everyone has different preferences when having sex, for example, my wife and I are both normally pretty quiet during sex with each other (I think it goes back to having sex with others in the same house in our younger days), when we are with couples that are very vocal during sex they will often interpret our lack of vocal expression as a lack of interest. I've had women say in the height of passion "talk to me", I think, no problem, if that is what turns you on I can talk with the best of them (of course I sometimes tend to talk too much so I hear "would you please shut up and fuck me" a lot more often). And because it is something I don't normally do, requests like this are usually exciting for me too. Variety and experiancing new things is one of the reasons we are doing this in the first place, after all.

[JustAskJulie]

It definately can't hurt to talk to the wife and found out if this is his general style. Chances are if it is, and you can come up with a way to change it she would be more than happy to help and see it happen.