Why do the men not cum?

[Cold climate]

My husband and I are a mid-forties couple who have begun swinging in the past year, exclusively at a European on-premises club. It was during our recent visit that we progressed to safe ultimate sex with another partner for the first time and it is from this experience that my questin arises.

My first full swap partner 'A', was a very gentle lover who satisfied me during our half hour together, but he did not climax.
The second man of the weekend 'B', was a very energetic guy who pounded away in a variety of positions for quite a while but once again disappointingly was another non- cummer even after I gave him oral (with condom admittedly).

While we were chatting at the bar waiting for our partners to re-appear 'B' told me something which intrigued me.
He said that men who have been swingers for some time generally find it hard to cum, compared to men who have recently joined the scene(my husband DID cum with the other ladies). And that the more experienced guys get off more by watching what is going on around them.

Have men become so 'educated' into thinking that a woman's pleasure is paramount that they neglect their own satisfaction or is it simply that by not cumming they can stay hard all evening and put more notches on the bedpost?

I would be very interested to know other opinions on this subject.

[CanadianCouple]

Cold Climate --

Any idea if either of these guys were on Viagra? Just a thought.

Guessing from your handle, any chance you're fellow Canadians? We're in New Brunswick.

Dan and Janette

Actually, I always hold back on purpose, at least for awhile. I hate to disappoint, and as long as I hold out, I'm able to give that much more to the ladies.

CyberHusband

[JustAskJulie]

Wow, this is the first time I've heard this..lol. I've run into plenty of guys who could come quickly (experienced swingers) and plenty who didn't cum at all or who held off on purpose. The ones that I have found that held off on purpose that I have actually talked to about this give me this reason. They say they can only cum once and don't have that 20yr old recovery time, so they hold out as long as they can to get the most enjoyment out of the evening. If they are the type who like to play with more than one woman in an evening then they will hold off to the last woman or in some cases their wife so that they can get as much enjoyment out of the evening as possible.

I have found that the older a guy gets the slower his recovery time is after sex.. so that really could have a lot to do with it.

As a woman tho I do find it rather annoying to not be able to get a guy off.. that's 75% of the fun for me http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[Cold climate]

Thanks for your replies.
After reading the comments I now realise that expecting 'lights, bells and heavenly choirs' with each new partner was unrealistic.

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Cold climate:
Thanks for your replies.
After reading the comments I now realise that expecting 'lights, bells and heavenly choirs' with each new partner was unrealistic.

Heavenly choirs...lmbo...why do I have a visual of a bunch of angels standing around you with there hands up there angel robes really hitting the high notes?....

I think another factor is the fact that no matter how sexy the person or the moment is there are always techniques that one needs to get used to with a partner.
For us as a couple our sexuality is an evolving process and our techniques are being refined continously. Or as often as humanly possible lol.
When you are with someone new you don't really know what turns her on and it can take several trial and errors to get it down http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif
When I am with someone new, my mind is often on trying to figure out what she likes. This can be a distraction for me and has resulted in the inability to orgasm on occasion.
Unless I am in a state of extreme excitement I cannot cum with a condom on also. I would have to ask the lady to get me off manually or do it myself afterwards but would always explain this up front so she can decide when the playtime is over.
Alcohol may play a role in this also. Lots of people need it to reduce there inhibitions but there is a point where alcohol will allow the erection but not the release.
Have fun, John.

Just to reiterate a few other points and speaking as a swinging male that does find it difficult to cum with a different partner (forgive the run on sentence here). I am usually so interested in finding out the techniques of a new partner that in many cases I even remian flaccid until direct stimulation gets me going. Even then I find it near impossible to finish unless the woman is performing orally on me. The condom has a bit to do with it, as well as the before mentioned interest in the other person.

But the biggest reason I have is that my wife and I usually end up together in the end and I want to be able to finish with her. Like others mentioned, when I was 20, 3 or 4 times a night was attainable. At 33... well, 1 for sure maybe twice if it is a few hours apart.

Anyone else feel this way? Or am I being selfish or soemthing. I have explained it to my other partner before. Sometimes they understand and it is no big deal, once though she took it as an insult and froze up for the rest of the night.

BTW CanadianCouple..... we are in NB as well. Drop us a line some time.

Medi, the male half of the couple.

Originally posted by Gaia&Medi:
.....But the biggest reason I have is that my wife and I usually end up together in the end and I want to be able to finish with her.....

Anyone else feel this way? Or am I being selfish or soemthing. I have explained it to my other partner before......

Medi, the male half of the couple.

Hubby feels the same way too. He'd rather save cumming with me only, and usually at the end of our sessions. We do mention this to our playmates upfront, so that there is no disappointments, whatsoever. And so far, the other couples are fine with hubby's choice, and they respect this, as we would their choices. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

I've also let hubby know many times before, that it's OK for him to cum with the other women, but it's something that HE chooses to do, which is his special thing, to cum with me only.

He focuses on pleasing us females first (along with the other hubbies), and only after everyone is spent, then he returns to me and "releases" all he's got!

It doesn't bother me if the other hubbies don't cum while I'm with them. The main thing is, that the chemistry is awesome between us, and we all enjoy ourselves fulfilling each others fantasies, making every possibilities cum true, SEXually, and EROTICALLY! It doesn't mean that that includes every hubby cumming with me always. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/tongue.gif

Besides, I enjoy watching the other hubbies cum with their wives! It's a thrill to see two individuals who are so in love, to share that erotic moment with us, as they both cum together...WOW! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/eek.gif http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif


CyberWife

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 08-29-2001).]

[JustAskJulie]

I think it's important that the guys let the women know that it's OK if they don't cum. As a woman, without the guy cumming we have no way to gauge whether or not he enjoyed what was going on, or if he is disapointed in not cumming. If we don't know ahead of time that it is something he saves for later or whatever his reason is.. then we are left with the thoughts ... that we didn't finish him and that he didn't "enjoy" himself.. that we weren't good enough.

So for you guys reading this who find it hard to come in swinging situations or who choose not to, be sure to let the women know what is going on. It will make for a much better experience all the way around.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

We ALWAYS let the other couple & singles know what's up ahead of time! We'd like to avoid playing the "guessing" game, and just get straight to the point. This way no valuable time is taken away from our play sessions. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif

And even during our playtime, we are all communicating with each other no matter what's going on, likes and dislikes are heard and respected as we move along in pleasuring each other. We're all sharing fantasies together with our playmates, we all have the right to voice our opinions & suggestions to help make our sexual encounters enjoyable and pleasing for everyone involved.

I think that's how it should be, right? http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

How do other couples handle "communicating" their pleasures before, during, and after their sexual play?

It seems to me, that not everyone expresses their true feelings much with their playmates, not until something UNcomfortable happens, then what? http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/confused.gif

We like to get rid of the UNcomfortable situations by killing it right there and then, if it should happen while we're already playing! Rare, but it happens sometimes...


CyberWife

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by Gaia&Medi:
BTW CanadianCouple..... we are in NB as well. Drop us a line some time.

You have mail.

Dan

[CanadianCouple]

My two cents on this --

I agree that every man engaged in swinging should make certain his partner's needs have been tended to before he releases. The problem is, sometimes it's very difficult to hold back. I think some women believe we have more actual control over that bodily function than we really do, it's almost like trying to hold back a sneeze while someone is tickling our nose with a feather. For me, the challenge comes when the woman I'm with starts cumming herself, or at least gets very vocal. Hearing a woman in that state, especially if I'm the person she's with, has always been a very powerful stimulus for me.

When that crack appears in the dam, it's mighty hard to hold the water back. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

Dan

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
....I think some women believe we have more actual control over that bodily function than we really do, it's almost like trying to hold back a sneeze while someone is tickling our nose with a feather....

When that crack appears in the dam, it's mighty hard to hold the water back. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

Dan

*LOL @ your comparison here* That's SO cute! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

The way I see it, it has to take a LOT for the guy to have "control over that bodily function" and to hold back and keep going! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/eek.gif

As a matter of fact, if the guy cums sooner than anticipated, that's always a good sign too! At least we know for sure, that HE enjoyed himself. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif And as long as he continues to remain involved in the play sessions, he's more then welcome to cum again and again and again... http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

*Whispering to Janette* So the next time Dan cums with you, tell him we all said, "God bless you, Dan". http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif


CyberWife

[Stratecpl]

Now, let me get this straight.... you guys ONLY cum with your WIVES??? OKay......

Does the WIFE only cum with the HUSBAND??? LOL OK, I thought so!

The way I see it, what is fair for ONE is fair for BOTH. My wife certainly doesn't hold ANYTHING back. Therefore, I don't, either. But we DO play with each other and we do BOTH cum during our time together. The way I see it, we're trying to have fun. If it's wrong for me to cum with another woman, then I'm done swinging. I love to see my wife cum with other men, and I love to see them cum with her. Matter of fact, I do my best to accomodate them, helping in any small way that I can.

She also loves to see me cum with another woman. The other woman's husband wants me to cum, also. I aim to please!

As far as cumming once, maybe twice if it's several hours apart? I'm waaay over the youthful age of 33 and in four hours I can come four or five times with no problem. Maybe it's just the yohimbe..... http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:


*Whispering to Janette* So the next time Dan cums with you, tell him we all said, "God bless you, Dan". http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Yeah, better than a sneeze during sex. Not the kind of 'facial shot' she'd enjoy. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

You know, I've tried all sorts of tricks to keep from cumming, some more successful than others. Visions of bloody car wrecks are okay, but imagining my nuts being tightened in a vice works wonders. Sometimes too well. Dwelling on THAT will have one reaching for the Viagra.

Speaking of, did anyone hear the news story yesterday of the couple who were arguing, and the guy's girlfriend yanked his nuts right out of the scrotum? Somewhere in the southeast, I think.

Talk about a ballbreaker of a lady.

Dan