Can't keep an erection without direct stimulation

[Bigbird]

Not sure if this question should be posted here, but since we are new...er swingers I was wondering if any other man has had this problem.

I find that when we swap, I have no problem getting hard. But as soon as we switch positions (like me giving oral) where I don't have direct stimulation I end up getting soft. What I am finding is it is becoming increasingly more difficult to get hard again. Most of the time I can even cum while being semi-hard but the little man just doesn't want to sit up straight.

Now I have tried viagra and cialis and both work just fine, I just don't want to get to the point where I think that the only way I can perform is with those pills.

So I guess my question is this....as we get more into swinging and more comfortable will I just relax to the point where it works normally.....like it does when I am just with my wife? I know that this isn't the most "manly" of questions but I can't be the only one with this issue......

Ok be gentle....lol

[Alura]

You are, by far, not the only one with this problem, Big Bird. It is extremely common, particularly on a man's first experience.

I'd suggest you continue to take a pocket full of insurance (Viagra) along for your play dates. I always take extras in case the other guy has problems, too.

I think, after a few more experiences, you'll relax and no longer need chemical help. That's the way it usually goes.

Mr. Alura

[Fred&Wilma]

BigBird
As far as I am concerned, 80%+ of a sexual experience occurs between the ears. Unfortunately the majority of the stimulation also occurs between the ears. In your case it sounds like physical stimulation triggers the horny grey matter to open the blood supply to the Big Johnson. There are many reasons that your concern is occurring.
- age
- weight
- fitness
- attitude (uneasiness)
- too much alcohol
- not enough alcohol (there is a balance - enough to relax you and not too much that you are embalmed)
- sexual anticipation
- stress
- smoking - yes it does eventually have an effect.

Wilma has commented that the big guy just does not jump up the same as he used too. An explanation in my case would be age, fitness & attitude. You younger ones on the board, listen up - in some ways - getting old sucks. Your maturity adds or enhances things, but sometimes the old bod just does not want to keep up. Keep yourselves fit. By attitude I mean, when we are young just the thought of sexual anticipation can create a monument in your pants, as we grow older what was exotic now is regular. Different enhancements or incentives are required and with a willing and understanding partner there should be no problem.

Big Bird - Whoever you are playing with needs to comprehend that you require physical stimulation or you need to explore other options that stimulate the horny grey matter. It can be an adventure, it can be fun.

Two years ago I went through period that the Big Johnson started to inform me that things would not always work the same. Tried the drug stuff which is good, but I am not a big proponent of continous medication. Started to work on my fitness, which has helped. Discussed with Wilma who was more than willing to figure out what was required. (Damn I do love that girl!). Personally, things are working just fine now, thank you very much. There are other things which you need to figure out as you understand yourself and your partner best. The answer is there, just have to go looking for it.

Take care and good luck

Fred soapbox

I will sit down and shut up now.

[CowboyBob]

I'm sure once you relax a bit, things'll work out better for you. Let's face it. Us guys' Johnsons have a short attention span. If they're not getting a lot of attention they get bored and let their minds wander.

[CB_n_Red]

Got to agree with Fred - fitness does help a lot. While I still smoke (yeah.... I know....) I have lost a lot of weight (only 15 pounds over ideal now) and improved my general physical fitness over the last couple of years. Lots of positive benefits, including in the bedroom. And if I can manage all that with my arthritis (no cure for that yet....) then I reckon most people can.

The times I do find that problem arising (okay....bad pun....), getting soft sometimes when lacking direct contact or stimulation, usually occurs when I am either tired (or otherwise below par) or when I am pushing my luck as regards performance over a short period of time. I've yet to try any of the performance enhancing drugs, but I wouldn't hesitate to if things did become a regular problem. At least we don't have to worry about the cost of them here. If my GP reckoned I needed them and I got the prescription there is only the standard charge (same for any prescription) of £6 or so (GBP) to pay. I wouldn't like to be without the National Health Service!

CB

[EricSacto2]

The same to me happened earlier this week. My wife and I were in a MMF threesome with her regular lover. We've done threesomes before so it wasn't first-night jitters. After being insider her for a while and then switching with her lover, I would get soft when I was out and it would take a while for me to get hard again. Watching the two of them go at it did help.

I even refrained from cumming the last few days, hoping to stay erect for the threesome but it didn't work much. However, when I did cum, I did spurt quite a bit.

I think my problem was fatigue - we have been going to bed late the last couple of days and getting up early. I think if I was well rested, I would have stayed hard.

One thing I did notice was that I did get hard when I was mentally stimulated - we did some roleplaying at the beginning and I was erect the entire time. Also, watching my wife have sex with her lover also excited me. But when I got distracted such as getting tangled in the sheets or hearing our dog bark, I got soft again.

So my suggestion is get plenty of rest and don't get distracted.

[SluttyWife]

My argument for why hotwives and Holiday Inns go so well together! Ain't nothin' hotter than scheduled sex
away from it all!

Good that you caught on right away!



Slutty Wife

[JustAskJulie]

My ex dealt with this quite often as well and we did find that that more we were with the same people the less likely it was to be a problem. As he got comfortable with people and felt more at ease the performance issues went away with them, although he would still encounter it when we played with a couple for the first time or three.