Help! Can't get it up with another woman?!

[raylynne]

We need anyone's help here. Hubby and I are fairly new to the lifestyle, in fact we've been with men only, but now we have met a couple we really like and would like to further the relationship with them. However, when I am with a gentleman and he's helping or watching, he has trouble getting an erection, he eventually does, but it takes a long time. He says it's because he's so excited at watching me with another man that he just can't perform. Now he's afraid he'll really disappoint a lady when we are with a couple. Any ideas? And thanks for any help you all can give us.

Viagra.

It works pretty good to get over that "Hump". More than likely after he becomes more comfortable he will not need it anymore.

A lot of people will carry it with them as their security blanket. Just knowing it's there as a backup is enough not to need to use it.

[raylynne]

OK, first of all thanks for the reply. Second, we have thought of viagra, but don't you first have to have an erection before viagra works? May be a dumb question, but we've never had to use viagra before, OK?

[littlebit54]

raylynne, performance anxiety is such a common problem that it's amazing any man can swing with another woman. It's also possible that this wouldn't happen if there weren't two men on the scene.

The bad part about it is that just thinking you might have it (at all) can be a trigger. Perhaps, starting with "soft swap" when it comes to another couple would help. When i say "soft swap" that could mean anything from same room sex with you and your hubby, and the other couple starting out without any contact with the other person; or it could be as simple as just kissing and fondling and taking it all really slowly. If there is no expectations of actually having sex with the other woman (at first) perhaps at a later date (or later that night) a full swap wouldn't be that much of a strain on your hubby.

Taking each step as a baby would might be the best way to go about it. I'm also sure that anyone who's been in a swapping situation will not be that surprised that your hubby might have a little nervousness about the first time. So, hopefully the couple you have chosen to do this "first" with will understand if there's any problems at all.

I hope this helped and that you let us all know how it goes.

littlebit54

[raylynne]

Thanks much, very helpful. But question, what do you mean by this might not happen if there weren't two men involved?

[littlebit54]

[QUOTE=raylynne].

Hubby and I are fairly new to the lifestyle, in fact we've been with men only, but now we have met a couple we really like and would like to further the relationship with them. However, when I am with a gentleman and he's helping or watching, he has trouble getting an erection, he eventually does, but it takes a long time.

This is what i meant by it might not happen if there weren't two men on the scene. I'm sorry if i misunderstood what you were saying in this part of your post but i took it to mean that you had a MMF threesome; and he had some problem with getting an erection at that time.

littlebit54

Originally Posted by raylynne

OK, first of all thanks for the reply. Second, we have thought of viagra, but don't you first have to have an erection before viagra works? May be a dumb question, but we've never had to use viagra before, OK?

No you Don't.

And it doesn't make you have an erection for 4 straight hours either, unless you want it to

It helps you get an erection and also cuts down on recovery time or may even eliminate it all together. It has varying effects on different people. But it does work.
Of course you want to ck with your Doctor first.

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by raylynne

Thanks much, very helpful. But question, what do you mean by this might not happen if there weren't two men involved?

I think perhaps littlebit54 was suggesting it might not happen if you were having a MFF (not a MFM or couple-swap) ... and thus your husband was entertaining you and another woman, without another male present.

If you are leery of Viagra ... try this:

While Mr. D2S hasn't had performance anxiety, we've been with couples who have. So I asked for advice here on the board for what to do ... and was told to try arranging it so that we switched back to our own spouses for a bit so the other wife could "jumpstart" her husband. (Sometimes all it takes is that special touch of your own spouse.)

If this works for you, you could continue playing with your own spouses (leaving it as a softswap encounter this time around) ... or try swapping again.

Also, make sure you reassure your husband that (1) he's not alone in having performance anxiety, and (2) if it does happening in swap, most women with a little swinging experience are understanding and supportive

[SexhoundDog]

RayLynne,
I think the answer has just become obvious, thanks to Mr. Naughty and Denver2some! Have hubby eat some Viagra and also switch back to original spouses as well for the jumpstart!
Be sure to have Ray take it on a fairly empty stomach about 45 minutes prior to playing. If the other woman can't stimulate him into a hard-on (touch always works best), then she needs a lesson anyway. Then it's up to you to show her how to do it with a killer blowjob, Lynne.
Viagra may give me a "semi-hard on" without touch if I'm watching or thinking sexual thoughts, but nothing if it's not on my mind. I can watch a great porn scene and not be hard. But if my wife is even doing as little as gently running her fingers along my shaft . . . BOING !! One of those grins is mine, the other is my wife!

[JustAskJulie]

This was a major problem with my ex as well, much to the chagrin of a few ladies.

Have you considered possibly swinging in seperate rooms?

[raylynne]

First of all, I very much appreciate the responses I have received about this. Actually, this other couple does want to have separate rooms. This is not something we thought we wanted to do, but maybe since it's what they want, we might try it with them, at least at first. Maybe that's the way to go this round, huh?

[Dr Jekyll]

I'd stick with getting some Viagra for peace of mind. I used to have the same problem when we started swinging, and the knowledge that I have the trusty V with got rid of any performance anxiety... Carry it wherever I swing...

I too will add my voice to swapping back to your own partner... This has widely been reported to help.

If he's stressing about his erection, he'll never get one. Get Viagra (from a doctor), use it for the first time with the couple, and he'll be guaranteed one. The confidence boost may mean he'll never have problems again...

Viagra simply ensures that your penis functions as advertised. It has a side effect for some that it dramatically decreases their recovery time, and the definite effect of stronger erections than you'd normally have...

We also talked about seperate rooms, but many couples dislike that idea. Which is very limiting when choosing potential playmates...

[intuition897]

Jumping on the bandwagon a little late on this thread, but whatever...

Mr. Intuition and I ran into the same issues when we first started out with full swap. He was concerned that it was broke or something.. lol He had NO trouble getting an erection while he and the other husband watched his wife and I playing, but as soon as the 'interactive' stuff started, we ran into problems. He was quite relieved to find he had a raging hard-on once we were alone and the performance-pressure was off. Yup, there was no doubt that Mr. Happy was working VERY well. After quite a lot of discussion, we realized that it was a combination of performance anxiety and his fear of hurting me. This was our first attempt at full swap and I guess we hadn't discussed things as thoroughly as we should've. We each just needed one another's reassurance that - yes - this was really ok! Go! Enjoy yourself. Once we each saw that the other wasn't upset, hurt or jealous, it was much easier to let go.
Hope this helps.