Women, do you feel cheated if the guy does not orgasm?

[bear_and_babe]

First a quick background story-

We were at a club one night. And Bear and another male friend played with the same woman, at separate times. As it turns out, neither one of them had an orgasm with this woman. Not sure it they were “saving it for later” or weather they just could not cum. She however had several orgasms with the guys, both oral and during intercourse. Anyway, I was playing with this woman’s husband and he came about 4 times, seems that is normal for him. As everyone was coming back to the table to regroup, she was very upset and took her hubby off for a chat. Turns out she was upset that neither one of the guys had an orgasm with her. She felt cheated out of something.

So here is the question –

If you are with a guy and HE does not cum, do YOU feel cheated? Is it important that the guy have an orgasm with you, or is it more important that he had a good time, whether he cums or not?

I am just trying to understand why this woman was upset. I play with a single guy who never has an orgasm while he is playing. He says he has a great time just having sex and pleasing women. I have never gotten upset that he did not cum, but he did explain that it was nothing to do with me, that he just could not cum in a swing situation.

Any thoughts??

[Miss_Piggy]

I wouldn't worry too much in a club type of situation - I'm not sure what clubs are like (as I have never been) but I'm assuming that if you don't orgasm with one partner you may very well still have the opportunity with another.

Would I feel cheated if a guy did not orgasm?
Even one on one I wouldn't be too upset. Past experience has shown that I am prefectly capable of illiciting orgasms in men. While I am attentive to the feelings of those I have sex with - I can't make it my sole purpose to make them have an orgasm. I'm there for the game more than the final score anyway. (did that metaphor make sense - I think I just made it up).
To clarify, I am much more interested in my sex partners having fun than whether or not they have an orgasm. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. No big deal in my books.

The one thing that makes a encounter even better for me, is knowing that I was able to arouse and bring pleasure to whomever I am with, male or female. I wonder if this woman's reaction was not so much that she felt "cheated" per se, but in actuality was disappointed and felt like she failed in her performance, or that she wasn't desirable enough for the men to be able to climax with her. If, for whatever reason, my partner just cant "get there" with me, for a few seconds I wonder if I did something wrong or in incorrectly. Its being human, your ego is always going to give you that momentary insecurity and its only the individual's inne rstrength that will help them

[dave110256]

Some men can only cum once and may want to save it for the "grand finale" to prolong their evening.........sounds like this may have been the case.

[curiousagain]

Sometimes if I am holding back that orgasm and do it too long, a point is reached where I can't orgasm. Doesn't mean the woman is doing anything wrong or not doing anything right. Doesn't matter what is done or for for how long it's not going to happen until I remove myself from the sexual situation and "calm down" for a little bit then start over. Sometimes women have a hard time understanding this and feel it is their fault. Or, that I don't find them appealing. I can understand this because if the situation was reversed I would feel the same. Luckily my long term partners understand this, but with a short term or one time partner it is tougher to convince them.

Maybe she should have just asked those two guys?????

[EvilMJ]

I have been in a situation where the guy only had one orgasam and was dissapointed in himself because he was too preoccupied with what his wife was doing in the other room (it was his first time swinging).

At the time I almost feel a bit like maybe I wasn't doing anything for him, or somehow I was to blame. But afterwards I understood the situation and have learned that it isn't always about me ( I know I was shocked too...not about me!!)

I have can now accept that you don't always have to have an orgasm to have fun....but it sure does help

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

Sometimes if I am holding back that orgasm and do it too long, a point is reached where I can't orgasm. Doesn't mean the woman is doing anything wrong or not doing anything right. Doesn't matter what is done or for for how long it's not going to happen until I remove myself from the sexual situation and "calm down" for a little bit then start over.

Yup! That's exactly how it works for me. It seems to get desensitised. In fact there have been times when it has turned into a battle of wills - me trying to hold off and the partner of the moment trying so hard to get me there. Net result is usually no orgasm for me, but I certainly enjoy the experience anyway.

CB

[ALilOEverything]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

Sometimes if I am holding back that orgasm and do it too long, a point is reached where I can't orgasm. Doesn't mean the woman is doing anything wrong or not doing anything right. Doesn't matter what is done or for for how long it's not going to happen until I remove myself from the sexual situation and "calm down" for a little bit then start over.

This is the exact situation for my husband and for this reason it doesn't bother me a bit. He enjoys the heck out of giving me great pleasure and is getting so much pleasure in return that I don't worry about it. There was one woman who it bothered greatly and I reassured her it wasn't any big deal, that it wasn't her and that it happens all the time when it's a marathon event.

Now ideally it's nice for both people to come but if it doesn't work out that way then so be it. I know it doesn't have anything to do with me. I wouldn't want a guy to be bothered if I didn't have an orgasm so why would it bother me. I use it as an excuse, "we'll just have to do it again".

[Pepper & Drew]

I agree that if the guy doesn't "get off" I'm a little disappointed. We have a couple that we play with that he's never come with me. I know he's had a good time, and I don't think it's me, but there's something about the big finish. It's the ultimate sign that he's enjoyed himself, and I like to please.

Pepper

[nandc3536]

I don't ever feel cheated, but I feel like I'm not doing my part. I've been reassured that they've had fun, but I can't help feeling bad. Reading this info about holding back too long has helped my ego, Thanks

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew

I know he's had a good time, and I don't think it's me, but there's something about the big finish. It's the ultimate sign that he's enjoyed himself, and I like to please.

Pepper

Exactly my thoughts, too.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by somebodys_ex

The one thing that makes a encounter even better for me, is knowing that I was able to arouse and bring pleasure to whomever I am with, male or female. I wonder if this woman's reaction was not so much that she felt "cheated" per se, but in actuality was disappointed and felt like she failed in her performance, or that she wasn't desirable enough for the men to be able to climax with her. If, for whatever reason, my partner just cant "get there" with me, for a few seconds I wonder if I did something wrong or in incorrectly. Its being human, your ego is always going to give you that momentary insecurity and its only the individual's inne rstrength that will help them

My thoughts as well. When it's just me and my bf it's different... there are times when one or the other of us does not get off. But yes when with others, a large part of it for me is always about seeing someone else get off and knowing that I was somewhat responsible for that.

I know a lot of guys in swinging it seems will "save" their orgasm for the end of the night because they can only have one over the course of the night or they want to save it for their wife or for whatever reason, so I've gotten a little more used to it within the swinging world, but it still bugs me a little.