Erection problems

Hi, this is related to the post below, "Goin soft during"...

We recently had a great 1st swinging experience at which we decided that we'd swop partners fully... I (the guy) enjoyed myself thoroughly, but when it came round to penetration mr willy just wouldn't get erect... After a while, I did obtain a something like half erection, but as soon as we started penetration it faded away to nothing within seconds... My wife had a great time to that point, and I enjoyed watching her enjoying herself, but for some reason it seems performance anxiety got the better of me...

Anyway, later that night everything was back to normal with my wife, and I've not had any problems since, except for the fact that I now seem not to get erections when my wife isn't around, which is strange since I've been walking around with them for the past 20 years or so without any form of stimulation. It won't happen no matter what fantasy I think of, nothing short of porn will get me to an erection.

I know I should just relax, and everything will be fine, but how do u do that?

Thanks all

C

[wrnakedru]

Dear C-

Maybe I'm missing something here. And I suppose, not being a man, maybe I don't understand.

But it seems to me that what your "member" is telling you is that your wife is an intrinsic part of what sex is all about for you. And that without her, it just isn't appealing to you.

So as long as same room activity is what appeals to you both, I just don't see that you have a problem.

But perhaps I'm not fully understanding. Unfortunately, since you are unregistered, you can't clarify the situation for me since unregistered members cannot respond, even to a thread they started.

Perhaps you would consider registering so that you can more fully explain why this is a problem.

WR

[frenzb4sex]

C--

Please don't feel that you are alone in this situation, because I think to some degree all males have gone through a performance anxiety stage with this. It's not you, it's not her, it's not the woman you are with--it's very natural. Actually, look at is as a blessing in a way--it physically proves your wife's sex appeal to you. My assumption is that you have thought about this alot--which is usually the reason why things take a downward spiral--the more you think and worry about it, the more likely it "ain't" gonna happen--kinda like Murphy's Law--if something can go wrong, it will.

I know you asked "how do I relax?" but that's really only a question you can answer yourself. One thing that may help is that practice makes perfect--the more exposed you are in lifestyle experiences, it will become much easier to relax. I would very much frown upon a solution to relaxing being drinking--that can actually be worse. If you want assistance, don't feel ashamed to try viagra, cialis, or levitra for your swinging events. There are a great deal of men that use it just as piece of mind (said party included).

It's kind of like the line from Bull Durham---"You just learned lesson one--Don't think--it can only hurt the ballclub."

)

Tim

[stoutgatte]

Well, i did take the time to register... So here i am

Thanks for the posts... Yes, it's very much a downward spiral, but we've discussed it a lot, and have come to the decision that we'll only swing in an environment where me and my wife can interact as well (for the time being)... It's only a problem since it impedes a lot of the fun that can be had, I don't see/have an issue outside the swinging scene...

We did drink quite a bit that night, but not enough to be totally pissed, I agree too much alchohol is a bad thing... I have thought about keeping Viagra or something like that as a backup, u know, some *peace of mind*, but i'd like to sort out the issue at hand...

As to why it is a problem, we'd like to swop, not only soft swing... Same room sex isn't THAT much of a turn on as is the fun of flirting, playing, snogging and eventually actually sex... We're both very open to it and want it... Maybe my body said it doesn't want the other gal, but I can promise u it was not what it thought the next day(week really)

Anyway, thanks for the responses and I hope I actually clarified things a little...

[wrnakedru]

Dear C -

Thanks so much for registering so that you could come back and give more information about your situation.

When I suggested "same room activity" being a good solution, I didn't mean "soft swap" - rather all four participants being in the same room. Some find the presence of others a distraction that can negatively impact the activity and increase performance anxiety. However, in your case the presence of your wife seems to be a key factor in decreasing your performance anxiety.

I agree with the factors brought out by Tim in his post, especially the downward spiral you agreed with as well. It can become difficult to determine if a problem would have happened, since the concern itself can bring about a "self-fulfilling prophecy".

I understand your desire not to rely on Viagra as the solution, but perhaps it's not so bad as a form of 'insurance' for you until you become more accustomed to[comfortable with] these new circumstances.

Thanks again for registering so you could respond. You might consider going to the introductions forum and introducing yourself [and your wife] to the board. I hope you will continue to find this a helpful and interesting place to visit on line - and one in which you will be an ongoing participant.

Welcome!

WR

[soflafun]

I have one word for you "viagra"
yes, preformance anxiety is very real, only a guy who has gone thru it would know it. It's nothing physical, it's in your head and it only gets worst. I have never had problems with it when I'm with my wife, as a matter of fact she thinks I'm a sex addict because I'm ready to go anytime anywhere, but it happened on one of our dates and it was extremely embarrasing and then it happened again. then, I got some viagra and voila! hard-on, peace of mind, regained self esteem all that crap. now I always have it near me when we are out and about. I don't need to take it anymore but just knowing it's there, is relaxing and in turn your natural hard on is back. I hope this helps.

[MIbbwcpl]

I can't give a lot of advice on this, as I am female. But, there was a couple we were with once and it was their first time swinging. He couldn't keep it up. I was nice, and not too disappointed. I think it's a normal thing really.

Heck, my dh has the opposite problem-when he's nervous like that, he won't cum forever!!! Our first time together, we went at it on and off for 8 hours!!!!!!! He just wouldn't cum! Our first orgy, he banged this one chick for an hour w/o cumming! It may sound wonderful, but that can be just as frustrating as not being able to get it hard.

I agree with the PP, look into Viagra. It may give you the boost you need. Heck, it could make it so you could go all night!

[HotCoupleGnS]

OK question here. How do you go about getting viagra? I mean he has no other problem getting an erection & it may be my guess, but he probably isn't too old. So, what doy ou so? Go to your Dr. & say, "Hey, my wife & I have sex with other couples, & I have some problems getting up when I am about to have sex with this other woman?" Sorry for the bluntness or rudeness? My hubby has had this problem once. With one woman. Now he is worried it will happen again. he keeps mentioning getting viagra. But I don't think that is the answer b/c he has no problem otheriwse. But if he did decide to try it, how do you get it?

[MIbbwcpl]

He would need to talk with his dr. You don't necesserily need to tell the doc what you're up to. You could go buying it online, but I wouldn't reccomend that for safety issues. There's also some herbal preparations..and that stuff for men that has that annoying commercial on TV (the name illudes me at the moment).ETA I remembered the name, Enzyte.

OK question here. How do you go about getting viagra?....

On line. Fill out a questionare.....7 - 10 dyas later there is a knock on your door.

[HotCoupleGnS]

Online would be the way to go. But I am not sure about other states, but here in OK it is illegal. I mean you can still order it, but if you got caught with it is illegal. So here is another question. If it was illegal in your state, would you still do it?

Not sure if it is legal here or not. They delivered it. Thats all I know.

[stoutgatte]

Sure, I can see how the confidence of having Viagra around can help with the issue of erection problems... I'll just have a chat with my docter, he doesn't know me that well, and I'll be blunt... If he doesn't like it, there are many others who'll help me out. It may be a bit embarassing, but I'm pretty sure he'll be so taken off guard that he'll co-operate... Anyway, I'm 30, not old enough for Viagra to be a requirement.

As for what the lady said about going all night, I have the same problem when I'm nervous. And I'm sure a shot of V will make it worse, but I'm willing to chance having my way with a girl or (hopefully) two the whole night Out of experience though, its extremely frustrating to be banging away at a girl for an hour without achieving orgasm. Eventually it feels like she's just a doll and it's no fun... At least the woman gets something out of it if she achieves vaginal orgasms...

Thank you all...

C

[HotCoupleGnS]

Oh they will deliver it. We have had some friends that did the same thing. Its just a matter of getting caught with it. I know most everybody on here aren't like criminals or something. i am just saying if it happened.

Also, was it expensive? Do you use it a lot? Or jsu when you are playing with others. Does it effect you getting it up when you don't take it?

[mxdtxn774]

From what I understand, online Viagra sales are legal here in Texas. But the price in some cases is outrageous. So I went to my doctor, told him of my concerns, and got it the traditional way. Insurance picked up most of it so it helped out for me. I would say don't be ashamed to tell a doctor about ED, whether it was just performance anxiety or whatever. But if you go the online route, make sure it is a reputable pharmacy, and that the drugs are the real thing.