Attractiveness/Personality issues

[flassh]

Hi, our question is: How, if at all, does the attractiveness of the other couple affect the decision to get more involved with swinging with other couples? More specifically, is it possible to play when one of the other couple is 1) not attractive, 2) out of shape or 3) has a bad personality? We have been to several get-away weekends where we were engaged by couples that found "us" attractive but we had trouble with one of the them. Usually only 1 of them would fall into the "undesirable" label, so we kept the relations distant. We have not gotton past this and thus are not having much luck meeting others that are mutually attractive (loosely defined as we are not perfect or even demanding such). Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Regards Mr. and Mrs Flassh

[JustAskJulie]

If you aren't attracted for whatever reason then it's your right to walk away. The one question I have is do you still make an attempt to get to know them? Or is the "not attractive" label given to them from the first impression and they never get a second.

[BradAndJanet]

We're not all that hung up on #1 and #2, but #3 would get to us every time. That's why we always take the time to get to know people first. But, like Julie says, if you're not attracted, you're not attracted and you can only do what works for you.

-B

[fredandwilma200]

I think in my opinion there has to be an attraction, even if not physical, it must soon show a "good attitude, and an attractive one" We are very new to all this and have recently taken a step back and are continueing slowely, but before we started taking it alittle slower we met a couple, he was a great guy all the way around! She was pushy, unattractive and to boot had a "everyone wants me attitude" and wouldnt let someone else talk! That was a big turn off!

[flassh]

In hindsight, we spend to much time getting to know and not enough time trusting our instincts. It is both of our natures (I think) to be open and gracious to those who seem friendly. Unfortunately the male side in our last venture evolved into something detestable. A strong word but if the real person had shown up initially, we probably would have just cut off the dance and looked into others that seemed friendly with just body language! So Yes Julie, we do let ourselves remain open until the "attractiveness" is developed from knowing the others. As it turned out, we felt like we missed being with some other couple that could have been much better. We do not want to "toss out" the soft edges we show to others. But, the example I gave was definately a #3 thing that snuck up on us. I sensed that he was not the "look" that my wife gets googly over. Should I have said something or taken the initiative to stop the socializing as it unfolded? It is hard to even talk through because it seems like we do not have the instinct well placed.

Attraction as well as personality is a must.


As far as attraction goes, there doesnt have to be much for personality to make up for it in a big way. But there still has to be some to start with.

Mrs Naughty and I cant believe how hard it is to find a couple we both click with.

When we first started seeking couples we started with this board first to find answers to some of our questions.

Reading thru many, many threads we heard several times about how hard it was to actualy find a couple where EVERYONE completely clicks.

We thought to ourselves "It cant be that hard to find".

We were wrong. Either I click and she doesnt or its the other way around.

We are still looking for couples but since my favorite part is watching Mrs Naughty take the cock and her favorite part is getting the cock ( Watching me with another woman doesnt do much for her) we have been leaning more towards MFMs.

Much easier to click that way. If she finds him attractive and likes his personality we find the nearest bed.

I have to agree with the men she finds but as long as I dont get bad vibes, like he is just out to conquer another bitch, I let her have her fun. But she gets attention from both of us at the same time.

[PipeDreamer]

The is an interesting topic. We believe that ATTITUDE is the biggest attraction for us. We are not Ken & Barbie and have founf that people who seem to be foucsed on the 'looks' may be getting 'it' all wrong. Now don't get us wrong - there is no excuse for poor hygiene, severe obesity (sorry - we feel those people need to be focusing on self improvement rather than sex with others), or addictive behaviors like overdrinking/chain smoking/diarreah mouth (but SEX addiction is tolerated !) If people have resepct for themselves and others, have an open mind and the RIGHT attitude about having fun, then we will click.

We have had some not so good experiences (as we all have) but for the most part, those people with great atttitudes have yielded the most fun!

[fun_pairTX]

We can always get by numbers one and two, but a bad personality/attitude? FORGET IT If a couple has a great attitude, numbers one and two seldom get noticed with us, either that or they become unimportant in perspective.
To get to the most common denominator we would rather slap fat with #1 or #2 than do Barbie with an shitty attitude.

[hmr]

fun_pair excellent way to put it! Attitude and personallity define a person's attractiveness. You could be drop dead georgous and still be ugly as homemade sin, if you had the attitude of an ass. Then again, you could be homely as apple pie, and all of a sudden you are the sexiest, most attractive person around because you radiate a wonderful attitude and personallity. Those are the kind of people we like to meet. You can almost feel them when they walk into a room. The others, unfortunately, you have to feel out but it doesn't usually take long.

mrs hmr

[flassh]

After talking through this topic we reminisced our weekend outing, we felt like there were folks all around us that "shined" with a great attitude but we foolishy excluded them because of age or some other silly notion. This was "clouding up" what was important. One lady and her spouse approached us and they were very nice but probably 10 years older (I'm 44) but for some reason we disassociated the erotic from the nice factor. Instead we let another couple hit on us that was closer in age. What a mistake. They held all the cards; including the one that permits the bad attitude to be suppressed until after dinner and into the hot tub.
We invited them into our "world" based on a false notion of what is attractive-- In spite of successfully picking each other 15 years ago because of our inner qualities and marriage material, I guess one could say we had to relearn "the hard way." Anyways, thanks for the input and we have garnered some great views thus far. And by the way, We still had great sex together in spite of the goofball, egomaniac who we actually had dinner with....YUK Never again. We Hope!

[JustAskJulie]

I think I know what you mean. You really do have to trust your instincts. I am thinking of one specific instance where we had talked to a couple online and based on pics didn't find them attractive. We met them hoping that once we met pershaps their personalities would make up for it.. The first time we met them as in a group situation and while they seemed a little reserved we passed it off to being in a large group where they knew noone so we gave it another chance to see if things improved....

but they didn't. We wentto diner, just the 4 of us. They sat at dinner like bumps on a log. My husband (at the time) was a quiet person and these people weren't saying anything which left me feeling like I had to carry the entire conversation for four. So then we were two meetings out and what to do? Granted this was a case where neither of us were interested and the other couple was very interested.... but to me it's not much different than if you are only interested in one. Unless you are willing to split up and swing seperate then you are best off to walk away as early as possible.

I think in situations like these it is that much harder when you have attempted to get to know them because there is that much more invested.

[tazzie_n_truck]

We have found that you have to follow your instincts with looking for people, us personally, the outward appearance isn't that important to us as long as they keep themselves clean. But attitude and personality paints more of a picture to us than looks. But you always have to be on the lookout when looking for people, because you may find them attractive by appearance, but their attitude may make them look totally different.

[fun_pairTX]

Not to further a stereotype, but the average, ugly, overweight are FUNNY, OUR kind of people...........