I'm losing my husband to his swinging obsession

2dreamyangels · 10-24-2003, 07:44 PM

I seem to have a husband who is obsessed with this lifestyle. While it is true that I have made this choice, it is also true, that I love this man and would do anything for him aside from breaking the law. We have had our ups and downs. The worst part of it is, that he spends hours trying to set up meetings (we call them dates) with other couples, and I only wish he would spend a few hours and plan a romantic date for us. We see different people almost every weekend. We have been in this lifestyle for 3 years and I've had sex with over 100 men. (I know this, because I found a little black book that he keeps with the names of the couples we've slept with). So, does it take away from our relationship? I think it does. We used to make love 3 to 4 times a week. Now, I am lucky if I get to have sex with him once a month. It is no longer making love. It is simply having sex because he is always fantasizing about who the next couple will be. I miss when he fantasized about me. I miss when we made love 3 to 4 times a week. I miss him. But he is lost to this lifestyle. With us.... we have discussed not doing it as often. But he subtly reminds me that he may not be able to stay faithful. I also know that he would not be happy. He is a very social person and loves the whole atmosphere. At least, being in the lifestyle, I know who he is with. Funny thing is, I know that I would enjoy this lifestyle so much more, if it were an occasional meeting. I don't want to be out of it, I just don't want it to be my whole life. Does anyone else feel like there mates are obsessed?

curious24 · 10-24-2003, 08:03 PM

i've never been in the lifestly.. but i have been curious for some time now...

have you told your husband how you feel about this? have you perhaps suggested that you swing every other weekend? or once a month? have you mentioned to him how you are feeling rejected? (that's not the word i'm looking for "rejected" but it's the only thing i can think of right now)

I really think you need to have a serious talk with him.. get everything out in the open..

hmm.. also.. maybe you could plan a romantic date? you know surprise him with it or something?

some of my good friends who are married.. they always have a "date night".. where once a week they do something together as a date.. like dinner and a movie.. or mini golf.. and ice cream.. or just coffee.. but they do something once a week just themselves.. i always thought that was great..

anyway.. i hope everything turns out for the best..

2dreamyangels · 10-24-2003, 08:24 PM

I have mentioned to him my feelings of rejection. But he thinks its me....he always tells me, I am his only love.... but this isn't about love. Its something deeper than that. I think there is something very special about a couple whose only need is to be with each other. When, if they have an open weekend, they were thinking of how they could spend it together, rather than thinking about who they were going to fuck. Ohhh! Sorry! I don't normally curse. Its just a little frustrating. I have been searching all my life for that kind of love. I thought I had it, but I am wondering if it even exists. Knowing so many couples in this lifestyle. Actually... I do think I know one couple, where it actually seems that they totally adore one another. He is always looking out for her, and she for him. I think my husband needs more than I can give. Problem is... I give him all I have.

yawanna · 10-24-2003, 08:30 PM

I'm sorry to hear that swinging is being used in this way on you. We know of one couple that the woman claims she is 'addicted' to swinging. There's is not a solid relationship. Many break ups and cheating (yes even in swinging that happens). Our suspicion is that he wants it more than her, and she is claiming to be something more than she is. Like I said, they break up often and have many, many times cheated...with other single 'swingers'. It just gets nasty and ugly and they waltz back in like nothing happened and don't want to discuss it. But the community knows they have serious troubles and it just makes everyone uncomfortable.

Real swingers won't participate if they feel the couple have troubles or the woman, or the man, is going along for the sake of the relationship. That's not what swinging is about ulimtately altho there are many couples out there who are troubled and looking for this as a 'fix'. I'm not suggesting this is your situation. We all know how thrilled a guy would be to find his wife is into swinging

If my husband and I never swung again, we'd still be deliriously happy with just each other. That's our bottom line.

I can only offer that you tell him and talk to him and he has to respect you totally and be there just for you. We wish you the best!

fun_pairTX · 10-24-2003, 11:21 PM

Explain to him in plain terms that the ancillary sex has already spilled over onto your personal love. When Mrs Fun and I started in the lifestyle we made a pact that either one of us could blow the whistle and stop swinging forever with no questions asked.
It may be that your husband has a separate sexual issue that doesn't necessarily involve swinging. He may not be addicted to the lifestyle as much as to sex itself. This is going to take some serious work between you two to get it all ironed out, you may want to bring a counselor in at some point as well. Best of luck, our prayers are with you.

BradAndJanet · 10-25-2003, 08:30 AM

First of all let me welcome you to the board, 2dreamyangels!

Now, as to your question....

A new couple almost every week, eh? To me that seems like a lot, but what really bothers me is that you do not seem to be enjoying that pace at all. I'm assuming that he, in turn, has had sex with a different woman almost every week, right? You don't say, but I'm assuming from what you did write that you never see the same couple twice either.

I'm no shrink, but the possibility does occur to me that your husband fits the clinical definition of 'sex addict'. He obsesses over his next 'fix' and from what you've said, keeps a detailed record of the conquests he has made. He also seems to be unable to find anything more than fleeting satisfaction before he moves on to the next woman.

I think y'all have a big problem here, and you have to make the choice about whether to continue to go along with his obsessive ways or stand your ground, tell him how you feel and let the chips fall where they may. To be totally honest, it does not sound like you have much of a relationship at all anymore. There's little communication and he does not seem interested in your needs, only what you can do to get him to his next encounter.

Infofar as whether he needs more than you can give him...well, if you're giving him all you can and he's not responding to your emotional and physical needs, that's his problem, sister, not yours! Don't let him do that to you! I think he may need help and that therapy for the both of you would be a good idea.

That's a lot for me to read into what you've posted, I know, but tell me if I'm right or wrong here.

Best wishes to you! Please, we care here, and I hope you'll be back to continue the conversation.

-B

2dreamyangels · 10-25-2003, 11:22 AM

Okay, so we have seen some couples more than once. In fact a few of them, I do consider friends. And yes, he is always with the wife of the man I am with. We haven't done any threesomes. And, yes, I need to stand my ground more often than I do. He does know how I feel. He knows that I don't like doing this every weekend. I think he has problems with his mother. She did not give him the attention that he needed and now he thrives on getting it from other women. And to be truthful, who doesn't like the attention of the opposite sex. But it can be overwhelming in this lifestyle. Is it truly just about sex with strangers? And what in the heck is wrong with me, that I have let this pace continue for so long? I'm not totally against it, I like the anticipation of meeting new couples sometimes, but unlike my husband, I am not in it for sex. And to be honest, out of the 100 or so couples we have slept with, there is only a handful that I truly like. Not that I dislike them.... But, in searching my heart, and being honest, I find only a handful that I would call and say.... hey... want to go shopping with me? Is it just me? Or is there really more to this lifestyle than just sex? Ohhhh... I'm exhausted. Thank you for all your kind words. I feel better having somewhere to go and write my t houghts.

***JustAskJulie*** · 10-26-2003, 04:49 PM

You need to not make excuses for him and you NEED to tell him exactly how you feel.

When he attempts to make plans for next weekend, so "sorry honey but I've already made plans for us for this weekend, and it's going to be just YOU and ME".

Let him know that it's not an issue of you not feeling loved but an issue of you not feeling like he desires you anymore, that you feel he'd rather have sex with others than with you.

And if he refuses to listen, refuse to continue swinging.

bear_n_bunny · 10-26-2003, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 2dreamyangels
Okay, so we have seen some couples more than once. In fact a few of them, I do consider friends. And yes, he is always with the wife of the man I am with. We haven't done any threesomes. And, yes, I need to stand my ground more often than I do. He does know how I feel. He knows that I don't like doing this every weekend. I think he has problems with his mother. She did not give him the attention that he needed and now he thrives on getting it from other women. And to be truthful, who doesn't like the attention of the opposite sex. But it can be overwhelming in this lifestyle. Is it truly just about sex with strangers? And what in the heck is wrong with me, that I have let this pace continue for so long? I'm not totally against it, I like the anticipation of meeting new couples sometimes, but unlike my husband, I am not in it for sex. And to be honest, out of the 100 or so couples we have slept with, there is only a handful that I truly like. Not that I dislike them.... But, in searching my heart, and being honest, I find only a handful that I would call and say.... hey... want to go shopping with me? Is it just me? Or is there really more to this lifestyle than just sex? Ohhhh... I'm exhausted. Thank you for all your kind words. I feel better having somewhere to go and write my t houghts.

Angel darlin', first off let me say I'm really sorry that you are going through all this pain (and that's the best word I can think of to describe it). This is not what swinging is supposed to be about. Actually, you have a much better handle on swinging is about than your husband does. It's first and foremost a social activity, not just racking up notches on the bedpost, which is what your husband is doing. And for damn sure it's not about sex with strangers. One hundred couples?!?! Talk about overkill.

Bunny and I are like fun_pairTX in that we had from the start, and still have, a standing agreement that either of us can call this off at any time, and for any reason. If either of us are not happy, then it stops, period. This is because while swinging is a fun "hobby" for us, it's not the end all and be all of our lives. Bunny and I are number one with each other; all the rest of this swinging crap is irrelevant by comparison. You two need to do the same, before your marriage crashes and burns.

Aside from your unhappiness with the current state of affairs, if your lovemaking with your hubby has dropped from several times a week to once a month (and it's not even making love from what you say, but just fucking; there is a major difference), and you no longer feel connected to him (my impression based on your posts), then the swinging needs to stop, and the two of you need to work on your marriage. Get counseling or whatever it takes, but for damn sure his priorities are totally screwed at this point, and direct action to correct this needs to be taken, and soon.

And what is this "he subtly reminds me that he may not be able to stay faithful" crock? That's the biggest load of bullshit I've heard all week! Don't EVEN let him get away with that crap, not for one damn minute. That right there is sufficient reason to stop the swinging completely until he gets his head out of his ass, and starts taking care of business, specifically YOU and your marriage.

I can see from your posts that you love him dearly, and from the sounds of it, I don't think the silly sonofabitch knows what he's got under the same roof with him. It's called the "can't see the forest for the trees" syndrome, and I'll bet he's got it bad. And I don't give a damn how many times he says you are "his only love"; he sure isn't acting like it, and you certainly deserve better from him.

I don't care if he has issues with his mother, father or the barber down the street. He needs to get his personal problems resolved (preferably with professional help), and he's not going to do it banging every strange pussy between here and Boise, Idaho.

You two need to stop the swinging now, and address the issues with your marriage, and before it's too late. I do wish you well, hon...

-- Bear

angihay · 10-27-2003, 08:10 AM

Ok only my opinion here but I feel that both parties have to agree on the lifestyle here. I understand what you are saying he seems to be spending more time with the lifestyle then with you and that would so not work for me. I also don't like the way he is using to keep you in line. I don't think a man should ever say hey we'll slow down a bit but I might not be faithful. I mean come on that's just not right that's not even slowing down! I think you guys need to sit down and discuss this further and you need to decide what you not him you really want and need.

**BiloxiCouple** · 10-27-2003, 08:46 AM

Quote:

But he subtly reminds me that he may not be able to stay faithful.

You have been given alot of good advice here. This one statement bothered me.

I personally might suggest some kind of professional marriage counselling for both of you. If he doesn't want to go, then for yourself. You might have to shop around for someone who can deal with this type of situation. This would probably be a very unique situation for a counsellor.

That's just my opinion.

biblonde · 10-27-2003, 10:47 AM

I have read and re-read your post. What i see is that your husband is NOT a swinger!!! From what you say, I see a man that has a good game going of cheating as much as he can with your aproval!! Most swingers are in this together and if one is uncomfy will back off or get out ....no questions asked. his remark of "not being able to promise he will be faithful" Tells me right there HE IS A CHEATER ...walks like a duck, quacks like a duck......my answer to that would have been there is the door dont let it hit your ass on the way out!!

I know you love him and want to work this out..And i really do feel for you. But you really need to see things how they really are. If you want to save your marrage....stop swinging now! If he loves you and wants you to be happy he will work on your relationship....If he doesnt want to....well....quack quack

life is to short to be treated like a door mat.....

that is my 2 cents for the day! s

Greg & Sheryl · 10-27-2003, 11:00 AM

We sympathize with your situation. Fortunately, because you are not completely down on the lifestyle, there is room for a compromise between you and your husband. We would like to make a couple of suggestions based on the fact that we are also a couple that swings almost every weekend, but that does not interfere with the intimacy of our relationship.

We concur with curious24’s suggestion that you establish a weekly “date night.” Although we’ve never called it by that name, our date night is Friday. We restrict our swinging activities to Saturdays, leaving Fridays available for non-swinging activities. One Friday this summer, we decided to go dancing at a nearby 70’s/80’s nightclub and had such a good time we stayed until closing and have gone back several times since then. Even if we don’t go dancing or to dinner or a movie on a given Friday, it can be nice just to relax together at home and recover from the busy work week.

Our other suggestion is that you spend more time together pursuing any common interests you might have. For us, our biggest common interest is attending live sporting events. We live in the Denver area, which features several professional sports franchises and two NCAA Division I programs. We hold season tickets for one team, and we see the other teams as often as we can afford it. NFL tickets are hard to come by, so most Sundays during football season we go to our favorite sports bar to catch as many games as we can watch.

Hopefully, you and your husband share an interest (or two) that both of you are passionate about. We both enjoy the lifestyle and have no plans to give it up, but if we hadn’t shared anything else in common we wouldn’t have fallen in love and gotten married. Urge your husband to join you in doing some of things you liked to do together long before the lifestyle started to dominate your relationship. Let him know that you don’t want to completely give up the lifestyle, but give him the opportunity to rediscover how much fun it can be to be with only you.

2dreamyangels · 10-27-2003, 01:23 PM

The people that have written to me in this board are one of the main reasons that I don't want to totally be out of this lifestyle. Everyone here has been so sincere and I appreciate every word and realize that your heartfelt thoughts were written and that it took time. I am going to talk to my husband tonight.... before he starts making plans for the weekend. I do want to regain the romance that we had a few years ago. I miss him terribly and it's time I started fighting for this relationship. Thank you so much! You all have given me the strength and the courage, and the motivation to speak up! I'll keep all of you informed.

ricndi032903 · 11-03-2003, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 2dreamyangels
I think there is something very special about a couple whose only need is to be with each other. When, if they have an open weekend, they were thinking of how they could spend it together.......

Hello 2dreamyangels,
Just wanted to drop you a note, I too have searched all my life for what you spoke of, I saw this in my grandparents, their endless loves for eachother, the "stary eyes" when looking at eachother, it's been my dream for as long as I can remember. I had what you spoke of, if only for a short time, until swinging was mentioned.

I feel so bad for you , I feel your pain and wanted you to know that at one time or another we all give all we can, so your not alone, I too gave until it hurt, but it sounds to me like your husband is only out to score as much as he can without seeing the harm he's doing, your right hon, in your case, swinging IS taking away from your relationship and I pray things can work out for you, I tend to agree with the others, as I take their advice myself, counsiling is needed, or a sex threapest.

Best of luck, and fight for your man and the marriage you entered into.

Di & Ric

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10-24-2003, 07:44 PM	#1 (permalink)
2dreamyangels Registered Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 9 Location: Colorado Status: Couple	I'm losing my husband to his swinging obsession I seem to have a husband who is obsessed with this lifestyle. While it is true that I have made this choice, it is also true, that I love this man and would do anything for him aside from breaking the law. We have had our ups and downs. The worst part of it is, that he spends hours trying to set up meetings (we call them dates) with other couples, and I only wish he would spend a few hours and plan a romantic date for us. We see different people almost every weekend. We have been in this lifestyle for 3 years and I've had sex with over 100 men. (I know this, because I found a little black book that he keeps with the names of the couples we've slept with). So, does it take away from our relationship? I think it does. We used to make love 3 to 4 times a week. Now, I am lucky if I get to have sex with him once a month. It is no longer making love. It is simply having sex because he is always fantasizing about who the next couple will be. I miss when he fantasized about me. I miss when we made love 3 to 4 times a week. I miss him. But he is lost to this lifestyle. With us.... we have discussed not doing it as often. But he subtly reminds me that he may not be able to stay faithful. I also know that he would not be happy. He is a very social person and loves the whole atmosphere. At least, being in the lifestyle, I know who he is with. Funny thing is, I know that I would enjoy this lifestyle so much more, if it were an occasional meeting. I don't want to be out of it, I just don't want it to be my whole life. Does anyone else feel like there mates are obsessed?

10-24-2003, 08:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
yawanna Has Left the Building Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 1,176 Location: Canada Status: married female	I'm sorry to hear that swinging is being used in this way on you. We know of one couple that the woman claims she is 'addicted' to swinging. There's is not a solid relationship. Many break ups and cheating (yes even in swinging that happens). Our suspicion is that he wants it more than her, and she is claiming to be something more than she is. Like I said, they break up often and have many, many times cheated...with other single 'swingers'. It just gets nasty and ugly and they waltz back in like nothing happened and don't want to discuss it. But the community knows they have serious troubles and it just makes everyone uncomfortable. Real swingers won't participate if they feel the couple have troubles or the woman, or the man, is going along for the sake of the relationship. That's not what swinging is about ulimtately altho there are many couples out there who are troubled and looking for this as a 'fix'. I'm not suggesting this is your situation. We all know how thrilled a guy would be to find his wife is into swinging If my husband and I never swung again, we'd still be deliriously happy with just each other. That's our bottom line. I can only offer that you tell him and talk to him and he has to respect you totally and be there just for you. We wish you the best! Last edited by yawanna : 10-24-2003 at 08:34 PM.

10-24-2003, 11:21 PM	#5 (permalink)
fun_pairTX Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 1,185 Location: Ennis, Texas Status: Couple	Talk Talk Talk Explain to him in plain terms that the ancillary sex has already spilled over onto your personal love. When Mrs Fun and I started in the lifestyle we made a pact that either one of us could blow the whistle and stop swinging forever with no questions asked. It may be that your husband has a separate sexual issue that doesn't necessarily involve swinging. He may not be addicted to the lifestyle as much as to sex itself. This is going to take some serious work between you two to get it all ironed out, you may want to bring a counselor in at some point as well. Best of luck, our prayers are with you. __________________ fun_pairTX

10-25-2003, 08:30 AM	#6 (permalink)
BradAndJanet Only slightly cracked... Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 7,072 Location: Seattle Status: Married Couple	First of all let me welcome you to the board, 2dreamyangels! Now, as to your question.... A new couple almost every week, eh? To me that seems like a lot, but what really bothers me is that you do not seem to be enjoying that pace at all. I'm assuming that he, in turn, has had sex with a different woman almost every week, right? You don't say, but I'm assuming from what you did write that you never see the same couple twice either. I'm no shrink, but the possibility does occur to me that your husband fits the clinical definition of 'sex addict'. He obsesses over his next 'fix' and from what you've said, keeps a detailed record of the conquests he has made. He also seems to be unable to find anything more than fleeting satisfaction before he moves on to the next woman. I think y'all have a big problem here, and you have to make the choice about whether to continue to go along with his obsessive ways or stand your ground, tell him how you feel and let the chips fall where they may. To be totally honest, it does not sound like you have much of a relationship at all anymore. There's little communication and he does not seem interested in your needs, only what you can do to get him to his next encounter. Infofar as whether he needs more than you can give him...well, if you're giving him all you can and he's not responding to your emotional and physical needs, that's his problem, sister, not yours! Don't let him do that to you! I think he may need help and that therapy for the both of you would be a good idea. That's a lot for me to read into what you've posted, I know, but tell me if I'm right or wrong here. Best wishes to you! Please, we care here, and I hope you'll be back to continue the conversation. -B __________________ "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain All about us...

10-24-2003, 08:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
curious24 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 696 Location: austin, tx Status: Single Male	i've never been in the lifestly.. but i have been curious for some time now... have you told your husband how you feel about this? have you perhaps suggested that you swing every other weekend? or once a month? have you mentioned to him how you are feeling rejected? (that's not the word i'm looking for "rejected" but it's the only thing i can think of right now) I really think you need to have a serious talk with him.. get everything out in the open.. hmm.. also.. maybe you could plan a romantic date? you know surprise him with it or something? some of my good friends who are married.. they always have a "date night".. where once a week they do something together as a date.. like dinner and a movie.. or mini golf.. and ice cream.. or just coffee.. but they do something once a week just themselves.. i always thought that was great.. anyway.. i hope everything turns out for the best..

10-24-2003, 08:24 PM	#3 (permalink)
2dreamyangels Registered Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 9 Location: Colorado Status: Couple	I have mentioned to him my feelings of rejection. But he thinks its me....he always tells me, I am his only love.... but this isn't about love. Its something deeper than that. I think there is something very special about a couple whose only need is to be with each other. When, if they have an open weekend, they were thinking of how they could spend it together, rather than thinking about who they were going to fuck. Ohhh! Sorry! I don't normally curse. Its just a little frustrating. I have been searching all my life for that kind of love. I thought I had it, but I am wondering if it even exists. Knowing so many couples in this lifestyle. Actually... I do think I know one couple, where it actually seems that they totally adore one another. He is always looking out for her, and she for him. I think my husband needs more than I can give. Problem is... I give him all I have.

10-25-2003, 11:22 AM	#7 (permalink)
2dreamyangels Registered Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 9 Location: Colorado Status: Couple	Okay, so we have seen some couples more than once. In fact a few of them, I do consider friends. And yes, he is always with the wife of the man I am with. We haven't done any threesomes. And, yes, I need to stand my ground more often than I do. He does know how I feel. He knows that I don't like doing this every weekend. I think he has problems with his mother. She did not give him the attention that he needed and now he thrives on getting it from other women. And to be truthful, who doesn't like the attention of the opposite sex. But it can be overwhelming in this lifestyle. Is it truly just about sex with strangers? And what in the heck is wrong with me, that I have let this pace continue for so long? I'm not totally against it, I like the anticipation of meeting new couples sometimes, but unlike my husband, I am not in it for sex. And to be honest, out of the 100 or so couples we have slept with, there is only a handful that I truly like. Not that I dislike them.... But, in searching my heart, and being honest, I find only a handful that I would call and say.... hey... want to go shopping with me? Is it just me? Or is there really more to this lifestyle than just sex? Ohhhh... I'm exhausted. Thank you for all your kind words. I feel better having somewhere to go and write my t houghts.

10-26-2003, 04:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 24,504 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 75	You need to not make excuses for him and you NEED to tell him exactly how you feel. When he attempts to make plans for next weekend, so "sorry honey but I've already made plans for us for this weekend, and it's going to be just YOU and ME". Let him know that it's not an issue of you not feeling loved but an issue of you not feeling like he desires you anymore, that you feel he'd rather have sex with others than with you. And if he refuses to listen, refuse to continue swinging. __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

10-27-2003, 08:10 AM	#10 (permalink)
angihay Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 124 Location: michigan Status: couple	Ok only my opinion here but I feel that both parties have to agree on the lifestyle here. I understand what you are saying he seems to be spending more time with the lifestyle then with you and that would so not work for me. I also don't like the way he is using to keep you in line. I don't think a man should ever say hey we'll slow down a bit but I might not be faithful. I mean come on that's just not right that's not even slowing down! I think you guys need to sit down and discuss this further and you need to decide what you not him you really want and need.

10-27-2003, 10:47 AM	#12 (permalink)
biblonde Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 1,020 Location: sacramento Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:curious1918	I have read and re-read your post. What i see is that your husband is NOT a swinger!!! From what you say, I see a man that has a good game going of cheating as much as he can with your aproval!! Most swingers are in this together and if one is uncomfy will back off or get out ....no questions asked. his remark of "not being able to promise he will be faithful" Tells me right there HE IS A CHEATER ...walks like a duck, quacks like a duck......my answer to that would have been there is the door dont let it hit your ass on the way out!! I know you love him and want to work this out..And i really do feel for you. But you really need to see things how they really are. If you want to save your marrage....stop swinging now! If he loves you and wants you to be happy he will work on your relationship....If he doesnt want to....well....quack quack life is to short to be treated like a door mat..... that is my 2 cents for the day! s

10-27-2003, 11:00 AM	#13 (permalink)
Greg & Sheryl Blogging Swingers Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 744 Location: Denver, CO Status: Couple	We sympathize with your situation. Fortunately, because you are not completely down on the lifestyle, there is room for a compromise between you and your husband. We would like to make a couple of suggestions based on the fact that we are also a couple that swings almost every weekend, but that does not interfere with the intimacy of our relationship. We concur with curious24’s suggestion that you establish a weekly “date night.” Although we’ve never called it by that name, our date night is Friday. We restrict our swinging activities to Saturdays, leaving Fridays available for non-swinging activities. One Friday this summer, we decided to go dancing at a nearby 70’s/80’s nightclub and had such a good time we stayed until closing and have gone back several times since then. Even if we don’t go dancing or to dinner or a movie on a given Friday, it can be nice just to relax together at home and recover from the busy work week. Our other suggestion is that you spend more time together pursuing any common interests you might have. For us, our biggest common interest is attending live sporting events. We live in the Denver area, which features several professional sports franchises and two NCAA Division I programs. We hold season tickets for one team, and we see the other teams as often as we can afford it. NFL tickets are hard to come by, so most Sundays during football season we go to our favorite sports bar to catch as many games as we can watch. Hopefully, you and your husband share an interest (or two) that both of you are passionate about. We both enjoy the lifestyle and have no plans to give it up, but if we hadn’t shared anything else in common we wouldn’t have fallen in love and gotten married. Urge your husband to join you in doing some of things you liked to do together long before the lifestyle started to dominate your relationship. Let him know that you don’t want to completely give up the lifestyle, but give him the opportunity to rediscover how much fun it can be to be with only you. __________________ Greg & Sheryl

10-27-2003, 01:23 PM	#14 (permalink)
2dreamyangels Registered Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 9 Location: Colorado Status: Couple	The people that have written to me in this board are one of the main reasons that I don't want to totally be out of this lifestyle. Everyone here has been so sincere and I appreciate every word and realize that your heartfelt thoughts were written and that it took time. I am going to talk to my husband tonight.... before he starts making plans for the weekend. I do want to regain the romance that we had a few years ago. I miss him terribly and it's time I started fighting for this relationship. Thank you so much! You all have given me the strength and the courage, and the motivation to speak up! I'll keep all of you informed.

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