She wants a theesome without me but no foursome with me.

To add to all of this, as most of you think "this is beating you in the head like a cast iron frying pan - wake up!"

Since her and I talked, we can talk some more - but we will essentially say the same basic thing back and forth, it is probably time for her and I to prove what we say and put this to rest as quickly as possible.

[alabamafuntonig]

have you tried a counselor or interventio..n
maybe even a priest! or how about a sabatical a mini seperation!

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This commentary is provided for the information of board users only. It is not provided with the intention that board users rely upon the information for any purposes. Accordingly, Alabamafuntonig shall under no circumstances be liable for any loss or damage, including but not limited to loss of profits, goodwill,hurt feelings or indirect or consequential loss arising out of any use of or inaccuracies in the information. All warranties express or implied are excluded to the fullest extent permissible by law. All the events and comments depicted in this thread are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.

Did do a counselor before the swinger thing happened, it helped a bit. I am also open to talk with the other couples guy, I hinted about that this week and he is supportive and knows the story.

[alabamafuntonig]

um
thinking more on a profestional ....level someone not one the playing feild...


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This commentary is provided for the information of board users only. It is not provided with the intention that board users rely upon the information for any purposes. Accordingly, Alabamafuntonig shall under no circumstances be liable for any loss or damage, including but not limited to loss of profits, goodwill,hurt feelings or indirect or consequential loss arising out of any use of or inaccuracies in the information. All warranties express or implied are excluded to the fullest extent permissible by law. All the events and comments depicted in this thread are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.

You can tell I have nothing better to do today than stew about this.

Her background
Before kids lots of sex, foreplay, masturbation together new experiences. After kids no sex, wife throws out the old faithfull vibrator stating that maybe that would help us. didn't work, she masturbates on her own but doesn't fess up to it, I do as well - as I started to feel funny doing it - like it was grossing her out or something. when we did the swing thing, she states that she is an everyday masturbator and she just did it a minute ago in the bathroom. Afterwards I say we only masturbate together, as a though of breaking down this wall between us, hasn't happened yet, but lots of talk like this is where we are going. Swinger friends loaned us a video and she won't watch it with me, I watched part of it on my own and so did she.

She just called from going out with her friend to get a navel piercing and stated they were heading to the perv store for some toys/mags and stuff. This is part of my confusion, lots of talk, certian actions but no follow through, we will see what happens over the weekend, I presume nothing.

alabamafuntonig

spell it out for me, I don't get it? "....level someone not one the playing feild."

Nevermind, I get it.

However, he is supportive of situations like the other night when his wife was on her period and he said he would not cross that line. He also brought up on his own about her pushing me away was not right as well. I also have some questions for him since he is quite a bit more experienced than me with swinging. I'll more than likely ask someone else as well - just like I am asking you...

[alabamafuntonig]

a shrink....
a marrage counseler
a rabbi
a priest


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***DISCLAIMER***
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This commentary is provided for the information of board users only. It is not provided with the intention that board users rely upon the information for any purposes. Accordingly, Alabamafuntonig shall under no circumstances be liable for any loss or damage, including but not limited to loss of profits, goodwill,hurt feelings or indirect or consequential loss arising out of any use of or inaccuracies in the information. All warranties express or implied are excluded to the fullest extent permissible by law. All the events and comments depicted in this thread are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.

[M&B]

Speaking not as an expert here, I am curious, none the less.

When you said that you have been to counseling, how many visits? Were the visits solo or did both of you go? Over what period of time? What kind of counselor or therapist was it?

I had experiences with a counselor when I was married to my first wife. The guy was a true idiot. It was her choice completely. His advice after our first session was trial seperation.

I have no doubt that there are a lot of skilled, qualified and caring people in the counseling profession. But, I think that finding a lemon just as likely as finding a good one. Do you feel that you got the kind of help that you were looking for?

More importantly- did the two of you go with the desire and intention of finding solutions?

alabamafuntonig

Did you take your pills today, haha! is this true?


M & B

Thanks for the reply We went to a dozen or so visits first together then apart then back together. Last visit together the counselor stated that my wife *could* also be the cause in our marital problems, session ended and my wife couldn't have her say and was pissed. She hasn't been back, however she has done everything since then that the counselor suggested, so there is an effort. I later went back by myself for and ADHD issue I have, finally stopped going - just like you say a lemon.

This is a new situation that may require going to counseling again (with someone else, of couse). From past experiences if I would stop in my tracks and say everthing stops until we fix each other we would quickly go into stalemate. Again that is why I am going to wait it out and see what pans out.

[M&B]

Well, with a dozen or so joint visits and single visits, it sounds as though a real effort was put in by all three of you. Just keep in mind that you have to "click" with the therapist, or else, no no benefit can be expected.

I sure hope that your continued patience can pay off. I know that it must be frustrating.

But, I do have to wonder. If, as you said, the counselor has implied that your wife "could" be the cause, if there isn't enough truth in that to force decisions. If she isn't willing to consider returning to therapy, be it with the same person or someone new, if the time you spend waiting isn't just allowing the rift to widen.

You can always keep paying out more rope. But, a person can hang him/herself with a short or long rope.

Wife could be *participating* in creating/keeping problems yes.

It is very frustrating, I hope too patience will pay off in one way or another.

Counselor thing again might not be a bad idea.

[alabamafuntonig]

alabamafuntonig

of course i took my pills....3 red ones 2 yellow ones and a blue..one...ah shit i was supposed to take 3 yello 2 blue....

-----------------------------------------------------
on a serios side how about a marriage retreat like a week thing ....just a thought!


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[OhioCouple]

OMGoodness.... I've just read this thread for the first time.

WantItOnIt, Please, please take a step back from all swinging activities and concentratre on your marriage. Maybe it will or maybe it will not work out for the two of you (I wish for you the best) , but you shouldn't be involving others in this mess. Speaking from experience, getting entangled in others marital/relationship problems is a hard road to travel.

Consider getting back into counseling with your wife, if she refuses to go...my advice is cut your ties, NOW.... for the sake of all of you. Just remember to always keep your children, first and foremost.

Mrs. O

[Brit_Pair]

Having read the full thread, we'd endorse Mrs O's input. The alarm bells your inputs have triggered are deafening.

No matter how tempting it might be to keep swinging with "just this one couple", resist it. Concentrate on your marriage. You shouldn't be involving others in your sex life if the two of you alone aren't on completely solid ground.

If you want your marriage to work, if you really want to be with this woman, and there's a chance that things can work out, then keep working at it. But if your gut instinct is that your wife doesn't have the same commitment to the relationship that you do, or you're still working at it because it's what you think you should do, rather than what you want to do, then it may be that - given how long this whole situation has been going on - you have to consider moving on for your own piece of mind and quality of life.