Am I selfish?

[arcpl4mfm]

Ok, the time for our last little one to be born is almost here, so the possibility of us swinging is starting to become more of a reality than just this fantasy that we discuss. So...... here is the problem. Now that the time is nearing, I am starting to think that I do not want to see my hubby with another woman. So, what do I do? He says that he is completly OK with just a 3some, but I am the only woman that he has ever been with. Am I just being selfish or what? By the way, I am 6 yrs older than him and have had a few more partners than him. I don't want to hold him back from experiencing sex with other people, but I can't help worrying about the repercussions of seeing him with another woman. Especially considering that infidelity is why I divorced my 1st husband.

[CLITFRIEND]

Just out of curiosity---what are his thoughts of seeing you with another man??? I have often seen the words that jealousy has no place in the lifestyle--and due to the very nature of the lifestyle--it is a logical sentiment to make. You seem to believe that you will have a tad of jealousy if you see him with another woman--which automatically should mean out of the considerations for your feelings--which he should put above his--a female should never be involved.
But--What are his feelings of you having another man. After all---since you have a desire to have a threesum--it is going to have to involve another person--and there is a 50/50 chance that person will have to be a male or a female. Since we have already establish because of your feelings of another female--that the other person can not be a female---that raised the chances of the other person being a male to be 100%. What would be his feelings towards this???
If he truly believes that he would be ok with another male joining you---and it IS under the circumstances that it is all 3 of you---then by all means go for it. If however he too expresses the concern you have on the added female agenda, then the very simple thing to do is not to swing at all, because he too will be faced with a jealousy issue. And if you would be jealous of another female--and he in turn would be jealous of another male---who else can you possibly swing with??? A transgender?????

[Ashley]

I would urge you to try watching your hubby with another woman anyway. Even though you think you will feel jealousy, you may be surprised at what you actually do feel. The first time I saw L with another woman, I felt a few pangs of jealousy and then it was transformed.....into something beautiful. Swinging is a very non-threatening environment to experience the beauty of the physical act of love. While he's having sex with the other woman, hold his hand, reach over and kiss him....it's a very powerful thing to share that may actually strengthen your own bond with your husband.

[bbcpl4cpl]

I too have been burned by infidelity in the past with my exes and though I had always fantasized about M having another woman I never thought that I would be able to actually see it without having the green eyed monster in me break loose. And of course I was nervous when it came down to it that he wouldn't even acknowledge that I was in the room. Well, the very first time, there was that twinge of jealousy in the back of my mind as I watched him but yes it does transform into something much more intense than that. And my husband would also look over at me and I saw the look of love in his eyes for me. I knew that it was okay.
Just talk your feelings out with your husband. Maybe it will help to talk through every fear beforehand. And if you decide to go for it have a signal to say that you don't want to continue through.

Good luck,


Tigress xx

[bbcpl4cpl]

I too have been burned by infidelity in the past with my exes and though I had always fantasized about M having another woman I never thought that I would be able to actually see it without having the green eyed monster in me break loose. And of course I was nervous when it came down to it that he wouldn't even acknowledge that I was in the room. Well, the very first time, there was that twinge of jealousy in the back of my mind as I watched him but yes it does transform into something much more intense than that. A beautiful physical act. And my husband would also look over at me and I saw the look of love in his eyes for me. I knew that it was okay.
Just talk your feelings out with your husband. Maybe it will help to talk through every fear beforehand. And if you decide to go for it have a signal to say that you don't want to continue through.

Good luck,


Tigress xx

[JustAskJulie]

You mention that you don't want to see him with another woman but that the two of you are interested in threesomes.

What exactly are you looking for in swinging? Are you having bi urges that you want to live out? therefore the threesome idea?

Do you want to be with other men?

How does he feel about all of this? Does he want to be with other women?

[arcpl4mfm]

The whole idea of a threesome was his idea. He WANTS to see me with another guy. The thing about a woman is just that I feel if I get to be with another guy then he should be entitled to be with another woman. But... like I said - the whole idea of seeing him with someone else scares me. He said it is totally Ok with just a mfm threesome. But I don't think he is being totally honest. Right now he is arguing the point that he is, but I just feel like it would be totally unfair for him not to get to have the experiences that I would in this situation. I want him to be as satisfied as I am. I am afraid once it got to that point I would become invisible or that he would like her better or whatever. I just wish I was as secure as he is.

[Yummi]

I say if it makes you that uncomfotable then don't do it. What makes you think he's not being totally honest about the mfm threesome anyway?

[Nymph an' Satyr]

My wife had a seriously hard time realizing that I could be content to just watch her with out participating myself.

It's because she, herself could not be content in just watching. So she was projecting her own feelings on to me. Maybe your husband is telling you the truth. Examine yourself closely, and keep talking about it.

Best of luck!

[CLITFRIEND]

I second the question as to why do u feel your hubby is not being honest---? have he shown dishonesty towards you before--sexual or otherwise?? or are you trying to perceive exactly how he is thinking???

[Roxysbayou]

You said that the whole threesome thing was his idea... what you have to ask yourself is do YOU really want to do it, or are you just going to do it because he wants it. I wouldn't advise doing anyhting that you are not 100% sure of because it could lead to some serious troubles if you find that later you are regretting it.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by arcpl4mfm
Especially considering that infidelity is why I divorced my 1st husband.

This part of your post is what says it all for me. Personally, I don't think ya'll are ready for any sort of swinging experience. It sounds as though you are equating infidelity with swinging, when the two have absolutely nothing in common. I, too, divorced my first husband for infidelity (among other reasons) but I don't perceive what my husband and I do now as being remotely close to it. What we do, we share together, knowingly, willingly and openly.

Another point too, is that you said your little one is about to be born. Topsy, turvey hormones could be causing a lot of your inner turmoil. Are you sure that you aren't perceiving that his being with another woman is because you don't feel so good about yourself and your own body at the moment? Did you feel this way prior to becoming pregnant or has the issue just recently come up? It is really hard to put things in a proper perspective when your body is constantly changing.

I think ya'll should just let the issue rest for now and not think about actually swinging for a while. Enjoy the birth of your newest addition, get settled back into your normal lives and then pick up the discussion again. You may discover that you will feel differently 6 months from now.

Good, luck and congrats on your newest to be!

[CLITFRIEND]

Well said Mrs. O. ---And might I add--arcpl-- that you said the time for our last little one to be born is almost here, so the possibility of us swinging is starting to become more of a reality than just this fantasy that we discuss, and u also said The whole idea of a threesome was his idea. This have got me thinking. What level of eagerness on both side of the equation is this being discuss in? Is this being discuss while you folks are actually going at it--or is this being discuss at common times such as when you are watching tv or at the dinner table.
Because while you are making out and talking dirty to each other you may both be on relatively the same level with this, so it sounds just as exciting to both of you. How ever during times that it is just part of casual conversations, it may not be. It may be a case of him talking "Oh honey, Gosh--I can't wait to do this for the first time! Oh baby, it is going to be fun!" And you are Responding "Oh yes dear. Yes it will dear. Sure, whatever you say dear." I am imagining that since you are writing this---he is not aware of your true feelings on the subject. Is this the case? Or am I off here?
Because if this is the case---then you would have to once again deal with who is actually being honest in reguards to this subject???

[arcpl4mfm]

Thank u all for the input. After I wrote my last post, I showed my other half what I had written and it stirred some interesting conversation. I think my own insecurities are definately a big factor in the way I am looking at his side. He said honestly that he will be totally happy with just a 3some, so I am gonna rest the issue with him and work on myself for a bit after the little one gets here. I was never this insecure before getting pregnant, so it may just be the hormones and the fact that I gained a bit more weight with this one than my last. And in our culture wieght gain is almost always a issue for us women. I have just recently begun to view my sexuallity as a good thing and am looking forward to broadening my horizions in that area. Just the old way of thinking tends to creap up every now and then. That is why I think I was equating swinging with cheating. But u are right in saying one has nothing to do with the other. Again thank u all. This really opened up a great discussion between us.

[CLITFRIEND]

Glad to help