Non-Married couples posing as husband and wife

[shywife]

Due to a personal experience I've had, I'm wondering what percentage of swinging couples pose as husband and wife when in fact, they are really just men and women cheating on their real spouses. Any guesses out there?

[good times]

We have run into a couple of them in the last five years or so.

[Greg & Sheryl]

We've never had a couple deliberately mislead us in that regard. The ones we've encountered have been upfront about their status, and they are very few and far between.

[FloridaFlirt]

I'm sure they're out there.....but one day it will come back to bite them in the ass...

[avid]

I can't imagine being fooled by a couple who were posing. One of the things we look for first is sincerity, and the display of love and caring that can only come with long term relationships. Besides which, I'm so curious about who people ARE, I ask lots of questions, so I'm sure I'd figure out fakers before the clothes were off.

[des1re06]

Let's see...these are the posers we've met so far:

We've met one couple who were married, but not to each other.

One couple who were divorced from each other but still played as a couple.

One couple who desperately wanted to divorce each other, but stayed together "for the kids", so they played separately.

One couple who spent the night with their swing partners in different houses, but were married.

One couple who were married when we met them, but he could no longer "perform." They divorced soon after we met them.

One couple who lived in different houses, but were married, and played as singles.

One couple who were married, but she couldn't so he did.

How is that for an odd mix, and that's just in the past 8 months! Note that we "played" with none of these people. Just not our thing.

Mrs. D

[good times]

Originally Posted by avid

I can't imagine being fooled by a couple who were posing. One of the things we look for first is sincerity, and the display of love and caring that can only come with long term relationships. Besides which, I'm so curious about who people ARE, I ask lots of questions, so I'm sure I'd figure out fakers before the clothes were off.

That is what we thought, but we met a couple that were both married, but not to each other, and we would have never known had they not eventually told us. They seemed like any other married couple to us, and they seemed more loving and caring with each other than most married couples do.

[cpl2doitwithu]

Originally Posted by Greg & Sheryl

We've never had a couple deliberately mislead us in that regard. The ones we've encountered have been upfront about their status, and they are very few and far between.

So you say that they were all honest with you? Kinda hard to trust someone who is not honest with their (supposed to be) life partner.

We look for "clues" and steer clear of these. It is possible that we have been deceived, but we have not knowingly played with cheaters.

Sorry, don't mean to rant, but people like this stike a nerve

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by cpl2doitwithu

So you say that they were all honest with you? Kinda hard to trust someone who is not honest with their (supposed to be) life partner.

We look for "clues" and steer clear of these. It is possible that we have been deceived, but we have not knowingly played with cheaters.

Sorry, don't mean to rant, but people like this stike a nerve

We should clarify that once the disclosures was made, we elected to not play with those couples. We, too, have not knowingly played with cheaters, but not because of any issue of trust. We just want to avoid the drama that is usually inevitable when you get involved in a situation like that.

[us2maybe]

Actually being part of a long term committed- but not married couple I think there needs to be a distinction between committed swingers and casual swingers. I think some of your experiences listed show that its not so much married or not married - its people who just aren't honest. And sadly when so many marriages are pitiful remnants of their former selves with fidelity, financial, fucking, and other issues - I'd just be more concerned with the *honesty* of a couple rather than their marital status.

It may just be a generational thing, but we're only in our 20s and for some couples in the "scene" the value of marriage isn't a given - though commitment can be just as strong as a married couple. That said, if you're not married and have nothing to prove: be honest about it. Our philosophy as a committed couple that will marry when the time is right for us is, if having a piece of paper is going to get in your way of having a sweet piece of ass...that's your choice. But to us, with so many of the traditional values of marriage already taking a transformed role in swinging relationships, a piece of paper (rather than real issues of sexual history, honesty, respect) is our last concern. Liars of all stripes suck.

[Tybee Swing]

us2maybe,

We know an unmarried couple who are very committed to each other longterm, and in the lifestyle. They're not married, but they are exactly like any committed happily married couple we know. We have no problem with committed couples who aren't married.

We do have a problem with "couples" who are actually married to other people and are cheating on their spouse with the one they're paired off with for swinging. We've seen their profiles (some are up-front about their status), but we wouldn't play with them. We can't stand cheaters and want to play no part in it. The original post was about those people, the ones who aren't married to each other, they're married to somebody else and and are cheating.

[JustAskJulie]

I have run into this once. When i was with my ex-husband we met a couple and initially they were presented to us as a couple. The more we got to know them the more we found out that he was in fact married to someone else. There was a whole long convoluted story about why he couldn't leave his wife (and If I remember right the female may have been married to someone else as well). The more we got to know them the more we wished we never had. It seemed like every weekend was new drama.

[us2maybe]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

The original post was about those people, the ones who aren't married to each other, they're married to somebody else and and are cheating.

Ahhhh, gotcha still to each his or her own because some do actually prefer marrried couples only. It just made me do a double take - I was thinking "not that swingin is a slippery slope - but in the context of it how important would a committed couples marital status be?" Now i get it...

[des1re06]

So, if you meet this couple at a club or house party, how do you know that they're posers? They could be really good liars.

My point is that if you don't get to know someone before juming into bed, then you have no idea the commitment level of their relationship. We don't have a problem with unmarried, committed relationships.

So, we end up having far fewer sexual experiences, but that's our choice.


Mrs. D

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by us2maybe

Ahhhh, gotcha still to each his or her own because some do actually prefer marrried couples only. It just made me do a double take - I was thinking "not that swingin is a slippery slope - but in the context of it how important would a committed couples marital status be?" Now i get it...

I know what you mean, there are couples who don't want to be with committed couples who aren't married. I find this kind of baffling personally....it's not how we feel, but we know there are some who do.

There are even some couples who don't want to be with anybody who hasn't been married for a long time (many years). They don't want to be with people who are "only" married for a few years. The reason they give is that a couple who hasn't been together for a verrry long time can't be a secure enough couple to handle this swinging stuff. I think the reason they believe that is because they were that kind of couple....they didn't start swinging until 15+ years of marriage, they know that they couldn't have handled swinging in the earlier years of their marriage (they were different then), so they kind of project that onto everybody else.

But, we're all individuals, aren't we? We will swing with non-married loving couples, newlyweds, married a few years, married for decades....as long as they are secure, mature, loving couples.

We started swinging within the first year after our marriage, and it had nothing to do with boredom. We are anything but bored with each other. It had to do with going on an adventure together, into territory we'd never been with anybody else. We do it for the spice, and we find that it only enhances our bond together. Some couples say that starting to swing this early in marriage would have ruined their marriages. But, it's not like that for everybody. We are married about 3.5 years now.