Husband plays alone but I'm not allowed to

[aahours1]

I agree with DGREY "Sounds like he's looking for a one-sided open relationship. If he's out there with other women, he should have no problem with the idea of you being with another man. I understand that you have no desire to, but should the situation ever arise, he should be as fine with it as you are." One sided does not work. But like one other had said. "What is good for the goose in good for the gander. Simply put

[DBL D]

TILT :lightning Game, Set & Match.

This is unfortunate, especially if this is something you really want and he himself has set the precedent. Why should you trust him if he won't trust you? If it's jealousy...(yuck)...then he really has problems and, of course, you do too. If it's plain posessiveness...that's just cruel!

Have a good talk. :swordfigh

Male D

[LusciousLips]

I thought I might add that it seems very unfair to me. When we started swinging about 5 months ago (so yes I'm new) It was so that my hubby could watch me with other men and women. Once we started though it very quickly turned into him playing also. I think that if he is allowed to play alone then you should have that option. and it should be up to you wheather you want to act on it or not, but at least have the option to do it.

Now having said that I think that a couple should both agree on the sex partner. If my hubby doesn't like someone I've picked then I respect that and I wont be with that person and the same for him. But I also don't just go off and play with a couple or single person and just leave my hubby to sit and wait. If he doesn't have someone to play with then I don't play either. Or I will let him watch me play that away he doesn't feel left out.

Just my thoughts....

XOXOXO
Erica

[marksgirl2]

just to chime in and answer your question:

With my bf, we play together and when together I will have sex with partners of both genders while he only goes for other women. Solo is different though: I can play alone with other girls, but not other guys; he has yet to play alone with another girl but if/when he does my rule is that he can have oral performed on him and for anything more I have to meet the girl first. Overall the aim of our solo escapades is to establish a relationship with a couple/person we like who may later opt to include both of us. But that is in no way a requirement we except our partners to acquiesce to in future - rather it's a clear way of communicating (to them and to each other) that we are committed to the relationship and that expanding that relationship is our priority (instead of just _having sex_ with others).

Now I *know* that many folks will say 'hell, no, you should both have equal rights in the relationship'... goose/gander... etc... but the reality is that we are all individuals and all have our hang-ups and issues that sometimes necessitate rules that may seem unfair to others who are happily and thoroughly 'open'. But the bottom line is that you have to do what is comfortable for you and your mate at this moment in time. Often it seems that when couples are just starting out - or venturing into new territory - there can be some wacky rules; but it also seems that with time those rules fade as trust levels build.

The best advice I have ever gotten about the lifestyle was "take it slow and talk about everything at every step of the way".

-marksgirl

[DBL D]

Hey Marksgirl2,

You put that very well. I can see the other side a bit clearer now. Still, the difference is your communication. I can see how these relationships will evolve and trust certainly has to be an issue. I think I said something like that earlier.

There didn't seem to be that trust with the OP.

Male D