Husband seems one sided ?

[VanHlebar]

Everyone here has already given great advice, but I wanted to share a quick story. When MrsVan and I first thought about and actually got into the Lifestyle, it was to satisfy her fantasy of a MFM 3some. When we first talked about it I was all for it and that lead us to talking about 4somes. I asked if she would be intrested in 4somes and she said absolutely no way, she didn't think she could handle seeing me with another woman. At the time I was still ok with this. I said we could still move along and that for now I was ok with it, but eventually I might want to either call it quits or play with couples, but that we would take it slow and figure it out as we went along.

Then I found this board and I signed her up with an account and said please read all you can. It wasn't very long before she realized what everyone else said here. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. She realized all on her own that if I was capable of sharing her with another man then there was no reason that she couldn't share me with other woman. There were alot of insecurity issues that we had to talk about at the beginning and work through, but in the end we did it and thing have been great!

I would recommend that if your husband really wants to get into the lifestyle and you have any interest at all (not just for him, but for you) then I would almost make reading this board a requirement. Tell him how you feel and that you feel you are not sure if you really want to be with another lady. Hell, MrsVan wasn't really sure she wanted to when we first got started in the Lifestyle either. Let him know that you might be open to the idea of the Lifestyle, but that you feel that the two of you have alot of talking and research to do before you are ready to dive in.

Nope that helps and hopefully we will see you two both around the boards again!

-Van

[crazyfics]

Hi there. The real question is "Do you really want to swing?" If you are doing it for him DON'T. If you curious and want to experiment then keep discussing it. He may not want another man there because he is homophobic. Maybe he is not secure with his sexuality and does not want to be put in a position were he could touch another male. Does he have a problem hugging another man. First sign. He may not even know if he is. Try watching different porn activities and discuss them afterwards. If you want to include another male and he still does not because of jealousy or what ever, then set your limits-Maybe you guys would just be interested in just soft swapping. Nina Hartley has som excellant videos about swinging which my husband showed me some time ago before we even seriously considered taking the plunge. Good luck and remember your incharge of this. If he wants his fantasy, then you get yours too. If not don't do it, you'll only be heading down a path you'll both regret.

[jack smith]

we have been there but she did have sex after that it was ok with me

[sexycpl4u2006]

Wow! I am soooo glad that I found this website and that I decided to post my question. All of you have gave me so much to think about. To answer a question that some of you have asked, yes I am curious about the lifestyle and maybe interested in experimenting. I wasn't at first when he brought up the 3sum idea, but after being on this board for the last month and a half my own curiousity has grown. I just want to make sure that we are BOTH interested for the same reason - US. Crazyfics brought up something that I never considered "He may not want another man there because he is homophobic." This could be true...I have never really thought about it. Other than our two boys, I don't think I have ever seen him put his arm around another man or hug one. Even when we visit my parents (we're a hugging kind of family) and my dad gives him a hug - he doesn't hug back. So Crazyfics may be on to something. If this is not his problem, well then we'll just have to keep talking and reading. I am going to try to get him to check out this website this weekend and maybe this will help us figure out what, if anything we want to do from here. Thanks again for all the wonderful advice.

[M and H]

A little red flag popped up here ... if you ask him if his problem with including a man is because he's homophobic, he may jump on that as a way to get you to agee to not include a man without having to admit it's not the real issue.

You've said he "wouldn't want another man touching [you]" and that he said he wouldn't want a man touching you because "men "leave" things behind" and because "A woman's body is like beautiful art and there is nothing beautiful about a mans body." (but he expects you to like HIS body, right??).

To me, even if he IS homophobic, from the excuses you've told us he's used, his reasons for not including a man have very little to do with homophobia and everything to do with jealousy and control.

M

[swing52001]

What a great thread!
Sounds to me like your hubby has a couple of issues that he needs to deal with before going too much further. Trouble is, now that he has piqued your interest, you are stuck with his rules. That doesn't work for me. I hope he sees that it's only worth it if both of you enjoy all the benefits. The down-side is that if he won't see it anyway but his, you are again stuck with less than what you should have. Personally, I feel that I would get a real charge knowing that my Mrs. was having the time of her life. Isn't that what love's all about?

[SCcpl40]

We meet several married men online trying to find out how to get their wife or their girlfriend in the lifestyle, but it's for fmf or mff. Big shocker. To us, the lifesytle should be a mutual interest and a mutual fulfillment. If it's one sided, it's going to be short lived.

[Pepper & Drew]

I agree with everyone's assessment of the situation and advice, but also consider that it's far more difficult to find a single woman whose interested in swinging than it is to find another couple or single male. Single bi-fems in the lifestyle aren't called unicorns for nothing.

Good luck!

Pepper