Or the Other Sided Swinging...

[invictus]

Very interesting topic "flow". I have several thoughts here but mainly want to address the "limits based on insecurities" issue.

I don't know that I fully agree with that statement but, let's assume it is true.

So what?

If you want a new car but she thinks it would be too much finacial burden, do you buy it anyway? If she wants to get a house "in the country" but it will cost you a 3 hour round trip to work every day, do you just go along and move?

It all has to be to the mutual agreement of BOTH spouses. If you disagree with each other then by all means discuss it and tell your side. If you do not BOTH get to a happy solution then you play by the rules of the one you love. Whatever the reason is for anyone's limits is truly irrelevent. That is their comfort level. If both of you are enjoying what are are doing then everything is OK. If one of them is forced or feels left out, then that couple needs to re-evaluate swinging and maybe their relationship.

We only play together and we always play by the "rules". Do our "rules" cheat us from our fantasies or keep us from enjoying what we are doing? NO!!! I love her in too many ways (beyond the swinging aspect) to jeopordize our relationship for something she could not handle. I am 100% sure she feels the same way.

[incommunicado]

Originally Posted by invictus

Very interesting topic "flow". I have several thoughts here but mainly want to address the "limits based on insecurities" issue.

I don't know that I fully agree with that statement but, let's assume it is true.

So what?

If you want a new car but she thinks it would be too much finacial burden, do you buy it anyway? If she wants to get a house "in the country" but it will cost you a 3 hour round trip to work every day, do you just go along and move?

It all has to be to the mutual agreement of BOTH spouses. If you disagree with each other then by all means discuss it and tell your side. If you do not BOTH get to a happy solution then you play by the rules of the one you love. Whatever the reason is for anyone's limits is truly irrelevent. That is their comfort level. If both of you are enjoying what are are doing then everything is OK. If one of them is forced or feels left out, then that couple needs to re-evaluate swinging and maybe their relationship.

We only play together and we always play by the "rules". Do our "rules" cheat us from our fantasies or keep us from enjoying what we are doing? NO!!! I love her in too many ways (beyond the swinging aspect) to jeopordize our relationship for something she could not handle. I am 100% sure she feels the same way.

In the end, this is exactly what I was getting at. Relationships involve compromise and it is our love for our SI AND for the relationship that makes those compromises easy. It is more important to think about what you DO get to enjoy than what you DON'T.

[incommunicado]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

That brings up an interesting "twist" on this question. What about a couple where one partner or the other does not enjoy a particular activity (say anal sex) and since they do not enjoy it prohibit their partner from enjoying it. You can't do it with me or anyone else?

I have some friends where the woman does not enjoy be cummed on (facials), and prohibits her man from doing it to others as well (even if the other woman requests it). I don't care for facials myself but far be it for me to tell my friend who does that my man can't cum on her face.

So where does that land. Yes, we are past the idea that MOST limits are based on insecurity. But isn't this a bit extreme? Where is there insecurity in that? Is it an "if he can do this thing with someone else that I won't let him do with me he'll leave me for this other person who will let him do it?"

I would agree with you that this is not just extreme, but silly. I'm sure it happens, but, because it seems so unreasonable, it never occurred to me.

But, then again, a lot of the "rules" that I have seenm have prompted me to start some pretty volatile strings.