Ok with him doing full swap but not interested in being with other men

[661cpl]

Ok I guess this is a statment slash question,I am a newbie so forgive me LOL.I am comfortable with the idea of a FMF threesome I don't have a problem with my husband having sex with the woman,we are also into couples where we would have female to female with the men watching and then same room sex I have no problem with my husband having sex with the woman in this situation,but I have no interest having sex with the man,we have no problem with me giving the man oral,but we've been getting some flack from some of the full swap couples on our site saying that is'nt fair in that situation that my hubby and the other woman would get the benefits of sex and not her partner.Should we just stick to trying to find a single female or do you think there are other couples out there that fit our crteria?

[ohcpl43952]

Everyone has the right to make their own rules. Everyone has the right to not like other peoples rules. Those with the fewest rules probably play and enjoy swinging the most.

[pumpkins1970]

Dito

[gacpl67]

we are like you..the wife feels the same way and we have also caught flack. I guess we are more inclined to find a couple where the husband would not mind watching or maybe just touching, or sticking to threesomes with FFM...rules can change but sometimes they stay the same...

[lookingfornow]

You seem irritated that people are giving you "flack" about what you are looking for and willing to do.

If you have posted an ad, are you clear about your rules in your profile? If you are, I can't see why anyone objecting to them would have reason to comment. However, if you are explaining these rules in emails or chats (after someone has contacted you thinking that you each play by the same rules), you are probably going to get push back. I believe your position, while not unique, is certainly not the norm among active swingers. Most want everyone to be playing and having a good time at it.

More experienced couples are going to shy away from your rule set because it calls into question your commitment to what your husband is doing. For example, I, for one, cannot understand why you wouldn't want to play. Of course, that's me. Different strokes. Still, the tone of your email suggests that you are reluctantly willing to let hubby play to satisfy his lust but that you don't really get anything out of playing yourself (at least not with members of the opposite sex).

As to options.

In my experience, couples who enjoy MMF threesomes, don't want the wife to come along to be a vouyer. The F in the threesome wants all of the attention. You may find the odd couple that is willing to let hubby swap fully and you only softly. However, I think you will have better luck finding couples who want to adhere to a ladies anything and couples oral only (both ways) rule.

Put your energy into finding a female who will be a steady third for you. Good luck. They are in high demand. However, if you are both excellent lovers and fun to party with, this would appear to be the option that you find least objectionable.

[good times]

These are your rules and only you can decide what you are and are not comfortable with. I can't see why anyone should get upset about your rules, if they don't like them then they don't have to play with you. The only thing I would stress is that you make sure all potential playmates know your rules way ahead of time. we recently had a couple that wanted to hook up with us and we thought we clicked pretty well with them and it wasn't until we got to the play room that we found out that it was fine for me to have sex with the woman but Mrs. GT was only allowed to soft swap with the male of the couple. We were pissed to put it lightly and left like our asses were on fire. As long as everybody is aware of your rules up front though, I don't see how it would be a problem.

As far as the people with the opinion that your preferences exhibiting a level of unfairness, I would agree, and we would not play with you based on that. For us it is everybody plays or no one plays. That doesn't mean that their wouldn't be others that wouldn't be totally cool with it though (a good example would be the couple we walked out on, as they are the opposite of you so you all might mesh just fine), or you could stick with just single females as you have stated, if you can find any that would be cool with what you are looking for. So, I wouldn't worry about what these other people think, nor would I limit it to just single females. Their are all kinds of swingers and I would be surprised if you couldn't find people to play with within your boundries.

[Better Half]

I agree with everyone else. List your rules on your profile and be very specific and detailed about what you will and will not do. That way before even an initial contact is made, it is all up front.

[661cpl]

Originally Posted by lookingfornow

You seem irritated that people are giving you "flack" about what you are looking for and willing to do.

If you have posted an ad, are you clear about your rules in your profile? If you are, I can't see why anyone objecting to them would have reason to comment. However, if you are explaining these rules in emails or chats (after someone has contacted you thinking that you each play by the same rules), you are probably going to get push back. I believe your position, while not unique, is certainly not the norm among active swingers. Most want everyone to be playing and having a good time at it.

More experienced couples are going to shy away from your rule set because it calls into question your commitment to what your husband is doing. For example, I, for one, cannot understand why you wouldn't want to play. Of course, that's me. Different strokes. Still, the tone of your email suggests that you are reluctantly willing to let hubby play to satisfy his lust but that you don't really get anything out of playing yourself (at least not with members of the opposite sex).

As to options.

In my experience, couples who enjoy MMF threesomes, don't want the wife to come along to be a vouyer. The F in the threesome wants all of the attention. You may find the odd couple that is willing to let hubby swap fully and you only softly. However, I think you will have better luck finding couples who want to adhere to a ladies anything and couples oral only (both ways) rule.

Put your energy into finding a female who will be a steady third for you. Good luck. They are in high demand. However, if you are both excellent lovers and fun to party with, this would appear to be the option that you find least objectionable.

LOL I'm not iritated at all, well maybe a little,and only because if you don't agree with whats in my add don't respond,I mean I would'nt read aprofile and then leave amessage that you're on the wrong site because of what you are looking for ,I would move on.Just trying to get a grasp for whats out there and if we are an exception,because it does seem that couples are either full swap or soft swap and we kind of fall in the middle.

[intuition897]

There's nothing wrong with your preferences, but speaking for Mr. intuition and myself, we tend to read the "3/4" swap thing and go "Oh." then move on to the next ad.

I think after we finally experienced the joys of full swap, we never looked back. We have no problem playing with folks who simply PREFER soft-swap as opposed to full swap, but we feel that these folks are few and far between. Most others only want to soft-swap because of some sort of hangup that either Mr. or I will try to take his/her partner away, or that his/her partner will fall in love with one of us, or that intercourse is "too intimate", etc, etc. After swapping, we suddenly understood how one sex act is just as intimate as another...including intercourse...and that it was the intent behind the act that counted. So since then, we deduced that where there's a hangup, there's drama looking for a place to happen. Ergo, we avoid it.

This may not be your case at all, but I'm just offering our perspective.

[Pepper & Drew]

People are actually taking time out of their lives to lecture you via email about your preferences? Good thing they weren't writing me....they would have gotten the tongue-lashing of a lifetime (and not in a good way) and then would have been blocked.

I think you might be able to find couples that fit your criteria, but it certainly cuts down on the number of couples who you might hook up with. And, since there are scores of swingers who are looking for single females, competition is pretty steep. You may not have as many encounters based on your boundaries, but if you are comfortable with them, I think as long as you spell it out in advance, you'll be fine.

Pepper

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by 661cpl

Should we just stick to trying to find a single female or do you think there are other couples out there that fit our crteria?

There are those that will play with you with those rules on occasion, but they probably won't make repeat performances.

Mr. WS

[tribbles]

As long as you are ok with the limits it puts on how often and easy will may be to find playmates, do what works for you.

You just will find it harder to find people to play with than a full swap couple. So what? Tell those lecturing you that you are ok with 'dry spells' and plan to wait and only enjoy what fits what you want.

We have our own odd things that we won't change that limits us but we still find fun here in SoCal.

You probably will too.

S