We both enjoy MFM, he wants a FMF but it just doesn't interest me

[Rockme]

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

Hi there :-)

Well, my boyfriend really wants to have a FMF. We've had several MFM's, so this seems like the next logical step. But I feel a little bad, because when it came to the MFM's, everyone was excited and so into it. My SO said he loved seeing me with another man, and he was a little bi-curious himself. So it was a great experience for everybody.

When it comes to a FMF however...I just can't seem to drum up any kind of excitement. My boyfriend wants to see me and another girl mess around, but that has about as much appeal to me as washing dishes. I tried to explain this to him, that I'm not bi and have not the slightest desire to be intimate with a woman. I tried, for my boyfriend's sake, to have a girl/girl fantasy, but there is just zero appeal.

Another thing is that, while so many on here talk about the thrill of seeing their partner with another person, the idea of that just...does nothing for me. I'd like him to have the experience of being with another woman because I know he'd love it, but the idea doesn't really send me into orbit. I'd be willing to just sit in a chair or something and watch him and another girl for his sake, but he wants me to be part of the action as well, and the whole idea just seems...boring. Really boring. However, I do love watching him with another man, though. Which doesn't help him too much here.

So what should I do? I know that I got to have my cake and eat it too, and now it looks like I'm trying to stop him from having his fun. He wants to see me with another girl so badly, which I understand...but it is starting to piss me off that he won't let go of his wishful thinking and keeps on insisting that I am bi and just don't want to admit it I wouldn't want to get into something with another girl and become totally bored and make the whole thing completely half-ass - not to mention how unfair it would be to the other woman, who'd be expecting a genuinely bi lady.

Is it possible that once I get into it, I might like? I can see where it would turn me on to see my boyfriend getting turned on, but isn't the point of a threesome that every participant is equally excited? I feel like I'm robbing him because I'm not into girls or into seeing him with girls. Is this my fault? I don't think it is, but I feel really guilty nonetheless. Any advice?

You sound a LOT like my wife! She has zero interest in being with another woman. Also, the sight of me with another woman does little for her at all. She does like to see me with another man. My play with another man rarely goes beyond oral play. As I read someone said this in another post, they were talking about being biSEXUAL. Meaning that they just loved to have sex with the same sex, but were not attracted to them or wanted to be in a relationship with them. My wife knows this and it drives her crazy!! So MFM is her idea of a great time because everyone plays with everyone.

Now for the FMF thing. I will say we have had more MFM than anything else. We have even had a few MFMF action. The few FMF we have had has more to do with my wife doing this for me out of love. The last time we had this type of action my wife was giving my oral sex. The other woman came up from behind her and started to give her oral sex. That ended things then and there. But I understood, because we laid out the rules. The other woman kept saying “Lots of women say no FF play but change as things get going.” My wife said “not this woman”.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by Rockme

You sound a LOT like my wife! She has zero interest in being with another woman. Also, the sight of me with another woman does little for her at all. She does like to see me with another man. My play with another man rarely goes beyond oral play. As I read someone said this in another post, they were talking about being biSEXUAL. Meaning that they just loved to have sex with the same sex, but were not attracted to them or wanted to be in a relationship with them. My wife knows this and it drives her crazy!! So MFM is her idea of a great time because everyone plays with everyone.

Now for the FMF thing. I will say we have had more MFM than anything else. We have even had a few MFMF action. The few FMF we have had has more to do with my wife doing this for me out of love. The last time we had this type of action my wife was giving my oral sex. The other woman came up from behind her and started to give her oral sex. That ended things then and there. But I understood, because we laid out the rules. The other woman kept saying “Lots of women say no FF play but change as things get going.” My wife said “not this woman”.

I've been lurking on these boards off and on for a few years now. And I have to say that on some level I am the same way.

In theory, watching my SO with another female should be a turn on. Why? Because I know he will be enjoying himself, and that I like to see. However, the more practical side of me doesn't want to see it no matter how much I know he would enjoy himself. And me and the other girl playing together? I'm sure that would send him through the roof.

I will admit that I am a tiny bit bi-curious, but it has to be with the right person. However, going into the situation the other female has to know and agree to the guidelines. If something happened like what you are describing, that would have brought things to a screeching halt.

Anyway, to the OP.

Do what you are comfortable with and don't try to be something you are not. Too many men see the girls gone wild stuff and see too many pornos where the chicks are all over each other during a FMF and on some level I'm sure they think that there is a latent lesbian hiding in all of us. Pity that someone needs to bring them crashing back to reality. *lol*

HTH and good luck,

[Rockme]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

I've been lurking on these boards off and on for a few years now. And I have to say that on some level I am the same way.

In theory, watching my SO with another female should be a turn on. Why? Because I know he will be enjoying himself, and that I like to see. However, the more practical side of me doesn't want to see it no matter how much I know he would enjoy himself. And me and the other girl playing together? I'm sure that would send him through the roof.

I will admit that I am a tiny bit bi-curious, but it has to be with the right person. However, going into the situation the other female has to know and agree to the guidelines. If something happened like what you are describing, that would have brought things to a screeching halt.

Anyway, to the OP.

Do what you are comfortable with and don't try to be something you are not. Too many men see the girls gone wild stuff and see too many pornos where the chicks are all over each other during a FMF and on some level I'm sure they think that there is a latent lesbian hiding in all of us. Pity that someone needs to bring them crashing back to reality. *lol*

HTH and good luck,

Well said my friend! Welcome to the board. You raise a lot of good points in your post. I think a lot of guys see through porn movies and girls gone wild that female on female = HOT! It has been programmed into us that this should be the way it is. Even the women get a little of this programming as well. I remember my wife and I talking about me being “bi”. My wife almost felt guilty because she did not feel the same way. She said something like “two women together is what everyone wants to see. But two guys will make you gay in most people’s mind.” But I will say this, sorry guys, but women tend to be a little more open to two guys being together. I have read a lot more post with women saying “I wish my husband or boyfriend would do something like that! I think it is hot, but he would never in a million years because he tells me he ain’t gay.” :rollseyes

Again, welcome. Hope to hear from you again somewhere out there on the message board.

[oldrrob]

Ok, here goes. I was one of those "never in a million years," until a fairly recent encounter with a wonderful couple I had known for some time. She wanted to see her husband and I do oral on each other. We did. She loved it, a lot. Turns out we did too, partly for what it was, and partly because of her enthusiastic enjoyment.

I don't feel any different about me or them. It was simply another one of those very memorable things that can happen in this lifestyle.

Rob

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by oldrrob

Ok, here goes. I was one of those "never in a million years," until a fairly recent encounter with a wonderful couple I had known for some time. She wanted to see her husband and I do oral on each other. We did. She loved it, a lot. Turns out we did too, partly for what it was, and partly because of her enthusiastic enjoyment.

I don't feel any different about me or them. It was simply another one of those very memorable things that can happen in this lifestyle.

Rob

Yeah, see I can understand this if the wife is really into voyeur. However, I've found (in my limited experience I'll admit) that most of the wives that want to watch are there more to inspect lol than enjoy. I just cannot do that!