Feeling like she's getting all the fun

[She_n_Jaybee]

Wow! Just today I decided to check out some of the threads I've bypassed and this one is fantastic! Just watching the progression of events and the advice and experience passed back and forth much better than anything offered on TV! Sincerely thank you Vyper for the wonderful chronicling of all this and Disco for your contributions. Also a big thumbs up to all the great people who have contributed.

We have a few similarities at least in our approach to swinging. She is primarily in it for the women. Say's that she has no desire for any man other than the one she has. In most of our encounters there has been some play for me with the other woman and her with the other man, up to full sex. Generally, she'll downplay her experience with the other man afterwards. Personally, I think it's instinctual response for a woman to protect her man's ego. I'm not complaining. I get to watch her with another woman, I get to give oral to another woman (usually, although She is much better, judging by results), a personal favorite, and I go to sleep knowing that she has truly been satisfied in a way I couldn't accomplish by myself.

We seldom drink when we play. When she does drink enough to really loosen up, she's much more likely to initiate things, but sometimes with people we might not have considered otherwise.

As for the "lasting 2 minutes" issue, join the club. First time watching She with another woman, I was finished before they really got started. First time I was with another woman while she was with another man, same result. I've learned to pace myself, get past that pesky orgasm without achieving it. Once at that point, I can last much longer. But there's always a few moments of walking a very fine line.

[LOL_OMG]

OKAY, we've been gone from the boards for awhile....partly due to some musical commitments, partly because I had swingersboard burnout.

IMO this situation is, what you call it.....erm....complicated! I've read through all 4 pages. Is it possible that you both have some "issues"? Disco has acknowledged to having LOTs of male lovers, but she has also stated that it's rare a man can satisfy her. She much prefers a woman. Vyper says that his fantasy is to watch her with another guy, and even tho some other guy only lasted 2 minutes....he got off on it. Then there's the whole Disco wants to see Vyper with another woman, but she backs off when meeting another couple.

YIKEs - to sum it up, and I could be wrong (frequently am):

1. She wants women to please her and to see Vyper with another woman

2. HE wants to watch her with another guy

Might I suggest a FMF and a strap-on? I'm not trying to be a smart ass here, just figuring out a possible way this could work...

Oh and BTW, what's up with talking in 3rd person?

[Baloo8280]

It is very important to talk to her about this. Let her know that you want to do a full swap and that you want to be included. Me and my husband are swingers looking for another couple, but we talk about everything that is going on, especially if something is wrong. the key is communication.

[Lumina]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

Disco has little desire for other men for reasons she's not quite expained to satisfaction, but since she does not want to explain it more that's the best we can do for now. However, since she knows now that Vyper's desire to see her with other men is a truth and not a fiction like she was used to with her ex, her love of Vyper will translate on her interacting with men more often just to make him happy. It's not something she's abhorring, she just didn't feel the want enough to make her take action on her own. She will now do this just because she wants to make me happy.

In turn, Disco has a fantasy of seeing Vyper with other women. Don't get me wrong, getting a little strange is fun. I just had no real push to do it. Much like how Disco wasn't abhorring it, just didn't feel the need, Vyper doesn't turn the idea down. It's more a giving to her thing than a getting for him. It'll be performed knowing that she's enjoying it very much.

....

And that's what we've come up with. She does it to please him, he does it to please her.

So what I'm getting here is that neither of you are really gung-ho about being with opposite sex playmates, but will do it to please the other. (I'm confused b/c in the OP it seemed as if Vyper really wanted to be with other women.)

But if that's the case then sorry, but I'd sure as hell not want to be the couple you're playing with. We want to play with people who want to play with us, not just "don't abhor" it. Blech. It sounds as if you'd each be taking one for the team.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by Lumina

So what I'm getting here is that neither of you are really gung-ho about being with opposite sex playmates, but will do it to please the other. (I'm confused b/c in the OP it seemed as if Vyper really wanted to be with other women.)

But if that's the case then sorry, but I'd sure as hell not want to be the couple you're playing with. We want to play with people who want to play with us, not just "don't abhor" it. Blech. It sounds as if you'd each be taking one for the team.

I agree Lumina. Can you imagine how un-fun and unfair it is for the other couple because you're both just going through the motions for the other person? Please decide what you do or don't want to do before getting others involved.

Pepper

[Miss_Piggy]

Ok, having just returned from a long haitus I just read this entire thread in one go.

I'm stuck with a bit of confusion (that was touched on a few posts ago). In the beginning the main complaint seemed to be that Vyper was not involved and that he wants more of a full swap deal something less centred on Disco. No it seems that the concern is that Disco is not interested enough in men.

Add to this the fact that in the beginning the theory that Disco may be more lesbian than bi was sort of shot down as not too too likely. Then Disco came out and said that she was more into gals than guys. Now enter the concern that Disco could actually be a lesbian.

Could it be that Vyper is just plain not happy with things and therefore attributing the unhappiness to any reason that seems easiest to agree to? I'm hoping that makes sense to you... but I know that sometimes when I'm not happy and I can't admit (sometimes even to myself) the real reason for my unhappiness, I attribute my unhappiness to something that seems probably to be unhappy about... it's easier than going into the real reason for my unhappiness.

I sense myself going out on a limb. It's been a while and perhaps my advice giving skills are rusty. I do know that you need to be really honest with yourself and each other about what you want and what your concerns are. You seem to be waffling in your ideas over the course of this thread... leading me to believe that you're a little confused.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

[good times]

Dito Lumina and Pepper, I have been in this situation were I found out after the fact that the woman I was playing with was only doing it to please her husband, and it was no surprise to me because she was no fun at all in bed. This is something that I don't think has been brought up before in all the taking one for the team discussions around her, and that is how it is usually no picnic for the one you are taking one for the team with either.