Feeling like she's getting all the fun

[NandTfromCA]

I hope the best for you.

Like Mr. Truelove said about the honesty thing, that is a real issue for us. If I got to a point where I didn't know which words to trust from my wife, that would be the signal of either the impending end of the relationship or the starting point of some serious repair work.

It seems like clear warning sirens are going off and you are ignoring them. It doesn’t mean that things are definitely going to turn out bad if you plow on forward, without tending to the underlying issues. It just means it’s likely. Maybe you will be lucky though.

Mr.

[ShellyM]

Hello. First of all, I don't know you personally. But it seems that she has a good man, and she is a lucky lady. Sometimes we don't see things when they are looking us right in the face, unfortunately. In my honest and true opinion (and I am not a trained counselor, this is completely a layman's opinion) I look at this and say that your relationship is really in trouble. I would say that if you two wish to stay together you need to be in some couple's counseling immediately. First of all, you can't really be in a relationship fully if you don't trust what she is telling you, and you don't feel like you really know her anymore. You just can't. You can go on, trying to pretend that things are okay....but eventually you will reach the point where you can't do it anymore. On the same token, if Disco is truly a lesbian than she needs to be honest so she can be happy as well! I mean, 2 happy homes are better than 1 miserable one. So, my advice is to seek counseling. She needs to decide what she wants. And you need to realize that you are worthy of happiness. You deserve to be happy, and so steps need to be taken to ensure that you both are able to be happy. You would rather leave a relationship as friends, than let things really go bad and leave as bitter enemies. So, that is my opinion. Best of luck to you.

[discoandvyper]

Shelly, you reiterate what I asked my wife to do a year ago. We've had some shaky times with each other and we've always made it through them together, but I'd rather never have the shaky time to begin with. I am of the impression that one can be in the lifestyle and be in marriage counseling at the same time. After all, there's more to a marriage than sexual relations with each other or even other people. While our sex life is something of an issue as it relates to playing with other people, our sex life together and our non-sex life together is pretty good. What I'm saying is that the only real problem we have together is A, the trusting what she says part, and B, the sex with others part. I think the two are related, but don't have to negate each other out. I may be wrong.

Anyways, for the news you all have been waiting on: We had our little fling this past weekend. Nothing major, no KEN AND BARBIE ROXXORED OUR BOXXORES. Instead, a couple came over we've played with before in as much as we were playing to begin with. The kids were gone, the people were pretty familiar. Everything was prime for what we were planning on.

We partied it up together for several hours, played cards, and if you know anything about me I steered it in my usual direction, towards sex! Everyone got naked, Disco began toying with the male of the other couple, and what would you know, she had sex with him.

THE GUY LASTED TWO MINUTES!!

Still, I thought it was amazing. She thought it was ok while it lasted. I can't blame the guy, after all Disco is the hottest woman on the friggin planet and she is rather ... "small" in the woman categories. Who can blame the guy for lasting two whole minutes?

I believe Disco when she says it'll be more routine, we'll just not be with that guy untill he can learn a little restraint. Or, she can teach him.

In the end, we broke new ground. Thanks for all your advice.

[discoandvyper]

I think it's time I replied...

Yes, I didn't go for men for a long time... my only real answers I can give are that I didn't know if Vyper would go ballistic if I did anything with them... I don't like men as well as I like women... I have Vyper and he's enough for me... and most men are terrible in bed...

You'd be hard pressed to find a woman who isnt good at giving oral sex...

I didn't really have any idea that Vyper wanted to see me with other men... he's talked about it but I didnt think he was serious... I always take sexual talk with a grain of salt... call me strange but my ex would come up with all kinds of strange things during sex talk... I didn't think Vyper was different than my ex... my fault...

I agreed to meet the couple because Vyper told me he really wanted to see what could happen with this couple again... I expected it to go how it always went before... when he touched me, Vyper's face lit up and I knew he was indeed serious about his request...

So... I guess... I have some thinking to do to see if I ever want to do that again... I realise he could have been overexcited so he didn't last long... but that may also be the role I'm expected to play for the rest of our time... I don't really know what to say to all of this...

[Concupiscence]

Disco,

Glad to see you chime in but it really doesn't matter what you say to us, it only matters what you say to Vyper.

Vyper,
Once again you don't mention how it went with the other woman. Did you enjoy yourself?

[discoandvyper]

I didn't tell you, did I Concupiscence?

It was ok, though I didn't get much into it. We were still in the oral sex stages when Disco and he "broke the ice". I enjoyed seeing Disco being taken by another man so much that I ... "ended prematurely". The other lady didn't take offense, thank god.

Though, to be honest, I didn't really care to be with her. She's pretty and she knows what she's doing sexually, but my fantasy has always really been to see Disco with another man. Sure, getting some strange was nice enough, but I could have foregone it all just to see Disco do her thing.

This isn't to say that I'll never break the ice myself and have intercourse with another woman. I know Disco wants to see me do that - she's expressed the interest longer than I've expressed interest in seeing her with another man. I'll do it as soon as I can to give Disco what she wanted, but on a personal note I feel no pressure to perform since it's not in my wish list.

I guess Disco's one score up on me now. Time for Vyper to even the score! And I have my own personal wish list handy of who I would want to even the score with.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

I think it's time I replied...

Yes, I didn't go for men for a long time... my only real answers I can give are that I didn't know if Vyper would go ballistic if I did anything with them... I don't like men as well as I like women... I have Vyper and he's enough for me... and most men are terrible in bed...

You'd be hard pressed to find a woman who isnt good at giving oral sex...

I didn't really have any idea that Vyper wanted to see me with other men... he's talked about it but I didnt think he was serious... I always take sexual talk with a grain of salt... call me strange but my ex would come up with all kinds of strange things during sex talk... I didn't think Vyper was different than my ex... my fault...

I agreed to meet the couple because Vyper told me he really wanted to see what could happen with this couple again... I expected it to go how it always went before... when he touched me, Vyper's face lit up and I knew he was indeed serious about his request...

So... I guess... I have some thinking to do to see if I ever want to do that again... I realise he could have been overexcited so he didn't last long... but that may also be the role I'm expected to play for the rest of our time... I don't really know what to say to all of this...

Girl, I just hope you are happy. Whatever you decide as a couple, I hope you both find happiness.

[Gena]

ahh and i missed it




Glad things worked out for you guys

[TNT]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

Everyone got naked, Disco began toying with the male of the other couple, and what would you know, she had sex with him.

THE GUY LASTED TWO MINUTES!!

Still, I thought it was amazing. She thought it was ok while it lasted. I can't blame the guy, after all Disco is the hottest woman on the friggin planet and she is rather ... "small" in the woman categories. Who can blame the guy for lasting two whole minutes?

I believe Disco when she says it'll be more routine, we'll just not be with that guy untill he can learn a little restraint. Or, she can teach him.

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

It was ok, though I didn't get much into it. We were still in the oral sex stages when Disco and he "broke the ice". I enjoyed seeing Disco being taken by another man so much that I ... "ended prematurely". The other lady didn't take offense, thank god.

Ummmm, that's kind of like the pot calling the kettle black :rollseyes

Maybe MFM threesomes would be better suited for you as it seems you derive a great deal of pleasure out of watching Disco....in a foursome situation, the other female deserves just as much attention from you as your wife is getting from the other man if the situation is one where it's agreed upon to be a full swap...if the situation is one where you've discussed with the other couple that you just want to watch, everyone is in agreement, then all is good.

However, it does seem that you two are starting to communicate and listen more to each other and that is a good thing


Teresa

[DBL D]

From Vyper:

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

There I go leaving untethered ends again... yes, the plan is for me to have interaction with his wife too. I really have a problem specifying things, don't I?

Anyways, cross your fingers and toes for me, and thanks for the well wishes.

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

It was ok, though I didn't get much into it. We were still in the oral sex stages when Disco and he "broke the ice". I enjoyed seeing Disco being taken by another man so much that I ... "ended prematurely". The other lady didn't take offense, thank god.

Though, to be honest, I didn't really care to be with her. She's pretty and she knows what she's doing sexually, but my fantasy has always really been to see Disco with another man. Sure, getting some strange was nice enough, but I could have foregone it all just to see Disco do her thing.

This isn't to say that I'll never break the ice myself and have intercourse with another woman. I know Disco wants to see me do that - she's expressed the interest longer than I've expressed interest in seeing her with another man. I'll do it as soon as I can to give Disco what she wanted, but on a personal note I feel no pressure to perform since it's not in my wish list.

I guess Disco's one score up on me now. Time for Vyper to even the score! And I have my own personal wish list handy of who I would want to even the score with.

From Disco:

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

I think it's time I replied...

Yes, I didn't go for men for a long time... my only real answers I can give are that I didn't know if Vyper would go ballistic if I did anything with them... I don't like men as well as I like women... I have Vyper and he's enough for me... and most men are terrible in bed...

You'd be hard pressed to find a woman who isnt good at giving oral sex...

I didn't really have any idea that Vyper wanted to see me with other men... he's talked about it but I didnt think he was serious... I always take sexual talk with a grain of salt... call me strange but my ex would come up with all kinds of strange things during sex talk... I didn't think Vyper was different than my ex... my fault...

I agreed to meet the couple because Vyper told me he really wanted to see what could happen with this couple again... I expected it to go how it always went before... when he touched me, Vyper's face lit up and I knew he was indeed serious about his request...

So... I guess... I have some thinking to do to see if I ever want to do that again... I realise he could have been overexcited so he didn't last long... but that may also be the role I'm expected to play for the rest of our time... I don't really know what to say to all of this...

I had tried to respond earlier than this but had some computer problems. Had I done so, I would have sided with Vyper on these issues. Having read how he reacted to being with a different woman, I'm now totally confused as to what he wants and what games each of you are playing with each other. I for one wouldn't stand for dishonesty. There's so much more I want to say but will basically end up saying what others have: I would absolutely stop swinging, if that's what you call it, until you get things understood between the two of you. If this were my situation, that's what "we'd" do. It's a no-brainer! 6 years for THIS? George Harrison said that "All things must pass"...so should this if it's the best you can do. It's soooo much better to be open about what you want. Not every couple sees eye to eye on these matters but they don't go through it this way and stay in the lifestyle.

6 YEARS?

Male D

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by DBL D

…I'm now totally confused as to what he wants and what games each of you are playing with each other…It's soooo much better to be open about what you want…6 YEARS?

Dito

I spent way too much time trying to write a response and finally had to give up.

All I have is; dishonesty = distrust = relationship turmoil = unhappiness. You wanna be happy? Be honest (start with yourselves, then move to each other, then work your way to everyone else around you).

Good luck!

Mr.

[discoandvyper]

After... what's it been now? Two weeks? Something like that. Anyways, after approximately two weeks of talking about the incident, our individual desires, what we'd like from each other... you know, talking over pretty much everything, we've come to some conclusions.

First and foremost, we love each other. This means we don't need extras to fulfill anything in the other person. We are willing, capable, and desireing of each other that we don't need more to complete the picture.

We have settled in on the fact that Disco is bisexual and desires sexual contact with other women, which has untill now been fulfilled in her through our misadventures in swinging. This doesn't need to stop.

We have settled in on the fact that Vyper likes to see her with other women, but wishes things would go further than just the two women playing. This was fulfilled about two weeks ago, and even though it wasn't the greatest episode in swinging history it is now stored as a favored memory on at least Vyper's part. Vyper believes he could keep this memory burning well enough to satisfy his desire to see Disco with other men for some time. Not forever, but enough that she doesn't need to rush right out and do it again.

Disco has little desire for other men for reasons she's not quite expained to satisfaction, but since she does not want to explain it more that's the best we can do for now. However, since she knows now that Vyper's desire to see her with other men is a truth and not a fiction like she was used to with her ex, her love of Vyper will translate on her interacting with men more often just to make him happy. It's not something she's abhorring, she just didn't feel the want enough to make her take action on her own. She will now do this just because she wants to make me happy.

In turn, Disco has a fantasy of seeing Vyper with other women. Don't get me wrong, getting a little strange is fun. I just had no real push to do it. Much like how Disco wasn't abhorring it, just didn't feel the need, Vyper doesn't turn the idea down. It's more a giving to her thing than a getting for him. It'll be performed knowing that she's enjoying it very much.

We are both young, relative to the average swinger, and we're going to make our mistakes. We believe that we can work through the mistakes, correcting them, and turn out better in our relationship. Neither of us want to give up swinging, so our best bet is to read boards like this one carefully and ask as many questions if we can. So, if you find us asking an annoying amount of questions please understand that we're still pretty new to this even though we've been "in the business" for several years.

And that's what we've come up with. She does it to please him, he does it to please her.

[JP51]

You two seem to be on the right track, more will follow of that I am sure. My only comment...drop all references to score cards...this is not a we have to be even game...heck do what is fun and remember in baseball, a batting 300 will get you in the hall of fame! So, just be happy!!

[discoandvyper]

I guess it all boils down to the fact that we'd like to reconcile the past and go from here. Smile smile

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

I guess it all boils down to the fact that we'd like to reconcile the past and go from here. Smile smile

Good for you. I have been married for 15 years, and I will tell you that its full of ups and downs. If you can hang in there and come through this together your relationship will be even stronger for it. Just have patience with her, and love her. There may be reasons she doesn't want to face right now as to why she has issues with men....and these things take time and love to deal with. The best of luck to you both.