More/better attention to swing partner than to mate

[Tybee Swing]

This isn't a problem that we have, it's just a general curiosity question based on an old thread I just read through.

The OP was upset about how her husband gave his swing partners much more attention and passion than he gave her, including at home and just between the two of them. For example: taking more time to make it good, more passionate kisses, more oral on the swing partners than what she was getting at home.

One of the male respondents wrote this:

"I myself have been guilty of pouring more affection and attention on the other female. I love my wife no less and have no intention of leaving her out or behind, but it is my feeling that with someone new, we do have to try to impress as much as we can in order to show that we would like to maintain a swinging relationship in the future. Swinging is, after all, high intensity dating. Think about it . . . when you went on a date way back in high school . . .all you had to impress was your date! In swinging you have to impress your dates husband too . . . lol. You would like to know that the people you've been with will go home that night and say to each other, "I really like them", or "He was really good and good to me, I hope you enjoyed them enough we could go back again". So yes, my attentions have been unevenly balanced on the other person. I'm not here to say that is right or wrong, but to portray my feelings about it."

I wonder if this way of thinking is fairly common, or not? Do many men think they should work harder as lovers to impress the couples they're with, giving lots more attention to swing partners than what they generally give to their wives? This guy knew consciously that he was giving more to swing partners than his wife, but he justified it as needing to impress them. I wonder if some men have the same attitude, but it's more unconscious with them regarding the fact that their wives aren't getting it as good from them at home?

[NandTfromCA]

I understand what the OP is saying but don’t agree with the motivation.

Because I don’t know my swing partner as well as N, I find that I have to be on my A game more to make sure she is totally satisfied.

With N, it comes easier since we know each other so well, but I definitely want to make sure she is as satisfied as anyone else that I spend time with. Not only that, I have yet to find someone that kisses as good as she does (again, maybe we are so used to each others style), and I LOVE to kiss.

Mr. (can't wait 'till the N get's home so I can lay some lovin' on her)

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

I have never felt like Spoo gave a playmate more attention or affection then he gives me. Of course he and I (and most swingers) want to bring our "A" game so to speak. You want to give your playmate a good time and a "Wow, I'd like to play with him/her again" experience. You can tend to be a little nervous with a playmate since you don't know what they like or don't like so you try to pull out all your best stuff. But, more than what we give each other ... never.


Mrs Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey

But, more than what we give each other ... never.

Mostly this is due to comfort, honestly. Granted, I would feel a little weird if I were pouring more of myself onto a playmate than I do Mrs Spoo, but at the same time, I don't worry that this will happen "by accident".

I am very comfortable with Mrs Spoo and know how much "monkey" she can handle - and just how "passionate" I can be. I've never been that comfortable with a playmate. I've been more comfortable with some than others, but never to the level of Mrs Spoo. And the less comfortable I am, the more I hold back.

But I think this is pretty common.

Spoomonkey

[WesternSwing]

I think the question is rather one-sided. This can happen just as much with the wife as the husband. I've felt on several occasions that Mrs. WS's swing partner has gotten it better then me. In fact I've posted such on this board. But, when I look at the big picture it is because of the circumstances, not the person, that this is so.

1) There are no kids to hear us have sex.
2) There is no kids banging at the door 10 minutes after we lock it (this happened just the other day in fact).
3) When we're swinging we're not tired after a long day at work and then taking care of three kids after we get home. We're out partying.
4) When we're swinging there's no pets to care for, laundry to fold, carpets to vacuum, kids to pick-up after, dinner to cook, house to clean, neighbors that drop by unexpectedly, etc.

You know... real life stuff.

All this seems to add up to having to hurry when we have sex with each other, but when we're away from home playing with others there is no rush. There is no worry about kids hearing you scream. There is no rush to get it done because at any minute a kid will be pounding at the bedroom door.

In fact, as I write this our 4-year old is calling "Daddy, come 'ere!" and Mrs. WS is in bed with an ear ache. See what I mean... Real life.

Better go find out what the kid needs.

Mr. WS

[LOL_OMG]

I really can't imagine a scenario that a play partner would get more attention or that Mr LOL would work harder than he does with just us. I know he would do anything I wanted, for as long as I wanted.

I guess it happens, maybe because one spouse or the other is disinterested or disapointed or bored in what goes on in their own bedroom. If that is the case I wouldn't want them to be my partner, I like the fun to be an extension and not vice versa....if that makes any sense.

Mrs

[LOL_OMG]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Better go find out what the kid needs.

I truly believe that life begins when the kids go to college (and don't come back)

Mrs

[Amanda69]

If my partner was giving more attention to a play partner than me I would see something as seriously wrong with out relationship. After all sexual partners are just that...toys to add to our relationship.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

I guess it happens, maybe because one spouse or the other is disinterested or disapointed or bored in what goes on in their own bedroom. If that is the case I wouldn't want them to be my partner, I like the fun to be an extension and not vice versa....if that makes any sense.

Mrs

I totally agree and couldn't have said it better. I feel exactly the same way. If our swing friends were getting a lot more passion & enthusiasm, good kissing, oral sex, TLC, and all of the "good stuff" more than I was getting from my own partner, I would take it as a very big danger sign about our own relationship.

I understand the excitement of the new factor - no problem with that. But if my hubby was ho-hum with us, but gangbusters with everybody else....Hmmmm!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Amanda69

If my partner was giving more attention to a play partner than me I would see something as seriously wrong with out relationship. After all sexual partners are just that...toys to add to our relationship.

Ditto! Dito

[Freebird8]

I find incourage my wife to give more attention to her other partners. Weird as it may sound it really turns me on. I am aroused by the thought of her enjoying them more than me. Can't explain why, but I like it that way.

[2jersey]

I realize this is not the kind of attention which is being discussed – but it is not merely coincidental that I am always perfectly manicured, pedicured, coiffured, waxed etc… for play partners. I take good care of my appearance at all times, but I will go the extra mile for play partners. In this one sense, play partners are getting some extra attention from me.

[LOL_OMG]

Same here Ms 2Jersey. I don't anyone ever saying "she was hot except for her toe nails needed painting. I don't think the hubby cares much about the toes because he's a hose man....

As far as new outfits I like to give them a test run at home, and make sure the wardrobe malfunctions are intended :p

Mrs

[MissouriCouple]

If my mate always gave a sex partner more attention then he gave me then I would be offended. If it was all the time I would be sitting us down and expressing my feelings to him.

[fun4Ds]

i guess for us we have our comfort levels, and love for each other in check well enough that when we are playing...

yes we put our best fuck foward...

we wouldnt want to play with someone who is holding back because they think their s.o. would feel jelous that they are not gettin it as good. actualy had that happen once.. we think....