The threesome I wanted turned into a FF twosome without me

[EvilMJ]

I guess the problem I see here is not "what if the roles were reversed' but did she do anything in the bathroom? Honestly if my hubby freaked out everytime I spent 10 minutes in the womens washroom in a club then we fighting all the time.

She told him that she was trying to set something up, but the woman only wanted her, therefore nothing was set up between them. He then said he did not buy the line she was feeding him. Hello, do you trust your wife? From what I have read the wife has not said at any time that she played with this women, and even if she did, and yes even if roles were reversed I would say the same thing. when you are new it is easy to get caught up in the moment. However there appears to be a lot of trust issues going on here. Is it right to stop speaking to someone for three days because you THINK she did something wrong. Sorry but in my own opinon that is overreacting --whether you are a man or a woman.

Swinging is about trust, communcation, and understanding. Yes both hubby and I have made a few mistakes in the in past, but we talked about it, forgave each other and learned from them, and I think that is what this couple needs to do as well. She seems willing to make amends ...are you willing to give her a chance and put your anger aside and use this as a learning experience? If not then I think swinging is a mistake for you.

[wolfnblu]

She went on to say that she got caught up in the moment

This is what he said that makes it sound like she did do something with the woman in the restroom, to me.

[funn]

This is very easy. Next time make sure the both of you don't drink so much !

[TNT]

Originally Posted by sexycouple43way

Well to my surprise the female whom we had our eye on all night joined in for a moment also. Thinking to myself, "jackpot" we found just what we were looking for,


The same female who I thought had her eye on us turned out to only have her eye only on my GF. OHHHH I was livid.

Needless to say, the other has no interest in me only my GF.

My GF and I are an attractive couple but I really feel a deflation of my ego and somewhat a betrayal of her. She got her's but I was left out. Am I overacting????

I'm sorry, but I see this as you are just pissed because things did not go the way you wanted them too....bascially this other woman falling all over you and you getting a FMF threesome. You're upset because your GF got more attention than you did. It's because of the statements that I bolded in the above quote that makes me think this.

It's a classic case of the man wanting the female to do something, then when she does and she enjoys it, he gets pissed.

A successful swinging relationship is as much based on your partner's pleasure as it is your own. You were not happy that your GF was having a good time, you were pissed because you were'nt getting any.

I do not see this as your GF not following what you two had agreed on...I'm sorry but women talk in the bathroom and 10 minutes is not long enough to really get down and have fun...Especially in a bathroom :rollseyes And, so what if she did, why aren't you happy for her?

Yes you are making more out of this than necessary and are over-reacting. I mean come on...three days without talking???? That right there tells me you need to back off and make sure this lifestyle is what you really want.


Teresa

[LikeMinds321]

Yes, I think you're making a moutain out of a mole hill.

I agree with EvilMJ and TNT.

And as far as your GF admitting to getting "caught up in the moment," that could mean the other woman surprised her with a kiss and she responded. Those moments happen, being taken by surprise is very much part of swinging when surrounded by the energy and environment you find yourself in when at swinger clubs. Be glad your GF felt comfortable telling you what she did. She could have chosen not to mention that the woman had no interest in you, and instead, concocted a story to provide more time for her to be alone with this woman. But your GF didn't. It sounds to me like she was as forthcoming as she could be considering you admit to being "livid" when you discovered the other girl wasn't interested in you, so I'm guessing your GF felt every bit of your hostile energy.

If you can't believe what your GF is telling you, then you should not be swinging together.

Time to cool off, talk things out, and realize you are not always going to get what you want. Rejection and the unanticipated are part of swinging. It's how you decide - together - to deal with these things that will determine whether swinging will work for you.

LM

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by TNT

I
Yes you are making more out of this than necessary and are over-reacting. I mean come on...three days without talking???? That right there tells me you need to back off and make sure this lifestyle is what you really want.

Dito

Three days without talking.....over that???

I seriously don't think this is a lifestyle for you.

[davidnjoy]

This is a mountain out of a mole hill. Alcohol in moderation is the key . Since you are both new I would really advise keeping the alcohol to a minimum until your steady on your feet in this new life style. That's my 2 cents.

D

PS: we drink, but in moderation and in the beginning of our swinging not at all. It was intense enough without the emotional accerlerant that alcohol is for us.

[xtasty74]

Are you sure you're not just upset because your wife and the other girl were NOT talking about you....the other girl was showing no interest in YOU??

Be honest with yourself!

Other than that, I think you are making something out of nothing.

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by sexycouple43way

Afterwards, I spoke to my GF and told her she needs to hook-up with her.

There ya go. I'm not gonna repeat all the other things that have been said, but if I had been in your place I probably would have been touching myself while she told me all the details of the bathroom trip.

But...... that's just me.

Sorry, I've been listening to the bodyrockers all day and the girl I like best is out of town.

[MarriedNY'ers69]

I'm with TNT on this one. It does see to be more about you then your GF. And I also think that drinking that much is never a good idea when you are in situations like that. I am also in agreement this lifestyle isn't for you.

[DBL D]

I have always given Fem D full reign to do what she wants. I certainly understand that she can't come up to me everytime she wants to have a kiss with someone, male or female! I don't think I should even have to mention that it would be ok for her to kiss or feel up anyone else, in a party situation. A meet and greet might be another situation, but I think it's ok for one or the other of you to be somewhat intimate with another...even if there's no chemistry between the 3 or 4 of us. We are in a sexually charged atmosphere!

That is just one of things we haven't made a rule about. The rule we have is that you use condoms if that becomes necessary. Why are we supposed to do everything only as a couple, although that may be the preferred way to go? She's meeting people (and so am I)...getting her feet wet....getting ready to find someone so that we all can play. If you trust each other, then there shouldn't be a problem.

Chill Dude.

M.D.

[northindycpl]

I think it has all been said.

I will add, that in my experience, it is really easy to get yourself caught up in the moment, especially after some drinks and deminished capacity. If Mr. Indy refused to speak to me for 3 days afterwards, or doubted my recollection of events, I would seriously NOT be in the lifestyle any longer.

[getnit2gethr]

It sounds crazy to me. She was obviously in there working it for you and you got pissed at her. I think you're hurting your chances of ever getting what you want. Think about it. You're making it impossible on your gf. You should give her the freedom to do what needs to be done. This is exactly the kind of drama that SBF's write that they are affraid of with new couples. So by posting this you're kinda hurting my chances too. Thanks alot. :slam"

[sexycouple43way]

Wow!!! Didn't think this topic would draw as much attention that it did. Great feedback!! THANK you ALL for the advise. I've conclude that I probably did overreact. It's just that as a military man, I've always operated by the "wingman" .....or woman concept (I got your back and you have mine.) I now realize in this lifestyle I can't fire nuclear at a target that requires something conventional. And I certainly can't "punch out" when I have a clear landing ahead Nevertheless, we've moved passed that night and are charging full steam ahead. In retrospect it really wasn't that bad of a night as first timers. Once again, thanks for the great advise.

[MarriedNY'ers69]

Well I am glad you have cooled off and are over it. Good luck I hope it all works out for ya.