Is it normal for there to not be attraction on all 4 sides?

[Andy100]

Hi All

We have only just started out and come up against this scenario twice , first couple we met there was a mutual attraction beween my wife and the other couple but i did not get on with the woman , second couple we met my wife myself and the lady got on very well infact she made it clear she not only wanted my wife but myself as well , but she had a big problem with the male , in both cases we have not taken things any further. So i have a couple of questions you guys may be able to help me with.

1) How common is this scenario in Swinging

2) Would you attempt to have fun with the partner you did not like to keep evryone else happy

Thanks to all and appreciate your help

[Pepper & Drew]

Welcome

1) Unfortunately the senario is very common

2) It's called taking one for the team and trust me, it's the worst possible thing you can do. You'll be resentful that you're having a terrible time while your spouse is having the time of their lives.

Different couples handle it differently. Some just don't play as often because they don't want to "settle". Some play seperately or go to on-premises clubs or house parties where there's more than 4 people, so you don't have to "pair off".

In any event, this is definitely going to happen to you again if you continue swinging, and you have to decide how you're going to handle it. Over time, it becomes easier.

[LikeMinds321]

Dito to everything Pepper & Drew said.

Unfortunately, a perfect match of all four among two couples is one of the biggest challenges in swinging.

LM

[Andy100]

Thanks pepper and like minds , that helps put things into perspective and just love the term "Taking one for the team" very descriptive and accurate.

Thanks Guys

Andy xxx

[good times]

Dito what the others said.

When we first started we found it so hard to find couples where all four were compatible that both of us occasionally "took one for the team". Then one night on the way home from the club I said to Mrs. GT "you know, I would rather hook up less often and not take one for the team anymore" she said "thats funny, I was just thinging the same thing". It turns out we didn't communicate that well that evening as we both assumed the other was really into their partner, but in actuality neither one of us was, so we both took one for the team with the same couple. We don't do that any more.

[janaandjames]

In that case, you do have to decide whether to "take one for the team."
So far we have not, But I was very pleased one night when we met a couple at a club ,. and i really liked the wife, but she didnt particularly care for the male .. the other couple seemed interested enough, ...my beautiful wife told me she would be willing to take it for the team if i wanted to go forward. I didnt, but it is really cool to think of her willing to do that.
Id do it for her too, but so far, we have not ...

[Vespertine]

Dito to the others.

I think we've all "taken one for the team" before, and it usually causes problems in the long-run.

[Spoomonkey]

Dito

Like the hundredth one...

It happens - and it stinks.

Mrs Spoo recently had a great encounter with a husband and I had a lousy time with the wife... I couldn't do a thing. For some reason, before that it was always the other way around. Maybe I just have a wide strike zone. So when it happened to me, I finally got it...

Well - at first I tried to work through it - but the bottom line was there was just no chemistry - zip - nada - zero... So I finally admitted ot myself that she just wasn;t my type. Cute - but just not my type.

So while I understood taking one for the team before this - I really got a sense of it that night.

Patience is the key. Good experiences are worth the wait.

Spoomonkey

[kittylikesmfm]

some of the advice on this topic seems completely counter to the advice given on a similiar topic i broached about group fantasies. to me "taking one for the team", in allowing your spouse to participate or receive in a group orgy that did not include you, is almost the same thing as getting involved with a guy you aren't so into to get to his wife for your benefit, but more importantly, your spouses. by the same token, i would expect reciprocation from my husband on a male i was into with a so-so physically female.

the responses i got were much more positive than the ones here and i'm curious about that, because we basically asked the same question, just gave different circumstances:

how cool are you in participating in sexual enjoyment for your partner without getting instant sexual gratification yourself?

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by kittylikesmfm

some of the advice on this topic seems completely counter to the advice given on a similiar topic i broached about group fantasies. to me "taking one for the team", in allowing your spouse to participate or receive in a group orgy that did not include you, is almost the same thing as getting involved with a guy you aren't so into to get to his wife for your benefit, but more importantly, your spouses. by the same token, i would expect reciprocation from my husband on a male i was into with a so-so physically female.

the responses i got were much more positive than the ones here and i'm curious about that, because we basically asked the same question, just gave different circumstances:

how cool are you in participating in sexual enjoyment for your partner without getting instant sexual gratification yourself?

No, they're two different situation. In the case of my friend's GB, I wasn't with anyone I didn't want to be with. In the case of taking one for the team, you're going to be with someone that you have no interest in. In one example, you're enjoying the show, even if you aren't getting direct sexual gratification. In taking one for the team, there's NO enjoyment whatsoever and ends up feeling like a chore. I'm not going to be with some troll just so my husband is attracted to the spouse, and I wouldn't expect him to do it either. We've had instances when the other female wanted two men, so I watched and took pictures. That was really fun and we both felt good about ourselves at the end of the night. In cases where either of us have taken one for the team, it's definitely not fun and we've said that we'll never do it again.

And, if it were always that one of us was fulfilling a fantasy, it would get old quickly. For example, if I were always just watching and taking pictures, that would soon lose its novelty. Or if I were always the one that participated in MFM threesomes, with nothing in it for Drew, I can tell you he would tire of that soon too. But, it doesn't really matter what is ok or not ok for other people, as long as the two of you are ok with what you chose to do....or not do.

Pepper

[oncewere]

Our club was very selective so this may not apply to the general public but for the most part we found that lack of chemistry usually meant the other person just wasn't comfortable. Barb and I often played a game when someone didn't click too well at first. We'd try to find out how to please the other person without worrying about our own lack of interest. About half the time, when the other person began to get with the programe, we did too. Some of our best play friends started out as "there just wasn't any chemistry." working at our game often made the chemistry work. If it didn't work, by the time I would give up Barb would have gotten her jollies.

There were some issues that completely turned us off. Even then, the problems often were manifestations of nervousness. Once a mile-a-minute talker had something else to do with her mouth things often got better. We usually didn't regret taking one for the team since working at making it better usually made it better. I remember one occasion when Barb cut off a macho controlling braggart. "Knock off the bullshit. Do you want to fuck or be atilla the hun?" She read him the riot act, letting him know that he wouldn't be invited back if he kept it up. Half an hour later with pertinent input from other women, including his wife, the guy got the message. That was his way of dealing with inadequacy and nervousness. He later became a good friend. BTW "hun" became our signal that things weren't going to work out.

[kittylikesmfm]

Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew

In taking one for the team, there's NO enjoyment whatsoever and ends up feeling like a chore. I'm not going to be with some troll just so my husband is attracted to the spouse, and I wouldn't expect him to do it either.

i'm not talking about swinging with the munsters here..i'm talking about for whatever reason your spouse doesn't find one or both of the people you're just nuts about attractive, (the infamous natural blonde with the long features and horseteeth is the one i notice other men loving, but repulses my husband; on my end, i hate the 'metrosexual' personality; if you have a dick and have gotten a manicure or tanned, i would never, ever fuck you)
so i mean by taking one for the team, tolerating a person that would be generally accepted as attractive, just not quite your type, for your spouses enjoyment.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by kittylikesmfm

so i mean by taking one for the team, tolerating a person that would be generally accepted as attractive, just not quite your type, for your spouses enjoyment.

I would - out of respect - never ask Mrs Spoomonkey to do this. I know that she would never ask me to do this for her. The lifestyle is about and for us. Period.

"Taking one for the team" is, to put it bluntly, beneath us.

Spoomonkey

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I would - out of respect - never ask Mrs Spoomonkey to do this. I know that she would never ask me to do this for her. The lifestyle is about and for us. Period.

"Taking one for the team" is, to put it bluntly, beneath us.

Spoomonkey

While I would never expect Mrs. Chicup to do this, I myself could lower my standards somewhat to make her happy.

I find I'm far more protective of her than of myself in swinging. If they guy seems unworthy in any way I don't care how hot his wife is, he is unworthy and will not touch her. I would never ALLOW her to take one for me because her happiness is paramount to me in this.

[fun4Ds]

well after mrs fun and i sitting here talking about this one we agree, we dont take one for the team. we are however glad for the discussion . now back to the orignal question (andy100)we have met all of our play friends on the net. the stats on our end are (20 to 1) some i click with ,some she clicks with. that eliminates taking one for the team right there. as close that we think we come is the time i was recuperating from an injury, we all clicked all the way to the bedroom up till OUCH i cant . it botherd me on the way home the next day thinking the other female had in fact taken one for the team. turns out she enjoys being a watcher , i certanly enjoyed the show, they would like to hook up again now that im feeling better. so no one still took one for the team .