Frustrated & Feeling Left Out

[seriously]

curiousagain & hotblond 47

Turns out that Tempest was right. It is not an exclusive relationship after all. Looks like gf will be staying late tonight, wish us luck.

-seriously

[Tempest419]

I am losing count of how many times I'm having to come onto this thread and repeat the facts that people choose to ignore about my husband being involved being the ultimate goal and something to work up to. Somebody accused me of living with her alone, without my husband, and having a relationship "in every sense of the word,"--Um, no, we had sex twice eight years ago and have been platonic friends since. I would not consider her a romantic relationship (up to this change towards polyamory) of my adult life, but perhaps a great "love".... I've also been accused of just taking mine repeatedly and leaving him out, which is not true, I haven't done anything else and do not intend to without him or his consent (which I never did anyway)... he got a nice blow job from a practical stranger at the club Friday night, which did it for him WAY better than me, FYI-- and now I'm accused of putting my friend above my marriage???????????? Praytell, exactly how did you come to that conclusion?

I getting three things from this board;

1) Many people here have no tolerance or patience for complexities of a threesome in a marriage, or for polyamory--I've seen quite a few knocks on it around here in favor of random stranger sex. According to the rules I need to let my husband fuck anyone that comes along, regardless of the complexities size, age, gender, etc. and he should allow me to do so as well. That is fine, but then this is obviously the wrong place for me at this time.

2)Vees or threesome situations are not swinging.

3) It doesn't even matter what my own spouse says about me... this is about a complete character assasination, and I'm not feeling welcome here.

You all have a great time--glad to meet some of you nice folks, but I think I belong on a poly board (?)

Peace out~
Tempest

[L&R]

Originally Posted by Tempest419

I am losing count of how many times I'm having to come onto this thread and repeat the facts that people choose to ignore about my husband being involved being the ultimate goal and something to work up to. Somebody accused me of living with her alone, without my husband, and having a relationship "in every sense of the word,"--Um, no, we had sex twice eight years ago and have been platonic friends since. I would not consider her a romantic relationship (up to this change towards polyamory) of my adult life, but perhaps a great "love".... I've also been accused of just taking mine repeatedly and leaving him out, which is not true, I haven't done anything else and do not intend to without him or his consent (which I never did anyway)... he got a nice blow job from a practical stranger at the club Friday night, which did it for him WAY better than me, FYI-- and now I'm accused of putting my friend above my marriage???????????? Praytell, exactly how did you come to that conclusion?

I getting three things from this board;

1) Many people here have no tolerance or patience for complexities of a threesome in a marriage, or for polyamory--I've seen quite a few knocks on it around here in favor of random stranger sex. According to the rules I need to let my husband fuck anyone that comes along, regardless of the complexities size, age, gender, etc. and he should allow me to do so as well. That is fine, but then this is obviously the wrong place for me at this time.

2)Vees or threesome situations are not swinging.

3) It doesn't even matter what my own spouse says about me... this is about a complete character assasination, and I'm not feeling welcome here.

You all have a great time--glad to meet some of you nice folks, but I think I belong on a poly board (?)

Peace out~
Tempest

This is terrible;

Since When: (1) did the rules..state you have no say in "who/what/when/where" you partner has sexual relations with?

(2) A TRIAD or threesome couple isn't swinging?
(3) Many people here (agreed) have their noses way too high in the air, but most don't really know you ...so why let them bother you..all this stuff about "red flags' and "we wouldn't swing with you" is all just ACADEMIC. In a real "face to face" they would be more interested in (a) appearance (b) how fast are you willing to "get down" and out of your clothes. The one's that ask your Handle and are you 'ON' the Swingersboard first probably would rather spend 6 months of your time getting to know you (which IMO would only lead to reasons NOT to swing with you.
(4) Since When is Polyamour not O.K., Yes it does "freek" out some, make other's nervous the Polyamour might "fall in love" with them. But that's silly.
I've always thought of the Polyamour as being "just across the street" with Utopian Swingers standing on this side( on the curb).
(5) Watch Your Post count....if it gets too high...some people are threatened.
(6) Please Don't leave......it's not a party without you!!! Besides...I'm falling N love! :rollseyes :rollseyes :rollseyes :rollseyes

[seriously]

For the sake of closure: Suffice it to say that Tempest's gf came over and we all three had a very errotic night earlier this week. And as you might expect I feel much less threatened by this changing relationship now. This of course leeds us well into very uncharted territory ...undoubtedly there will be a few monsters but I think it will be a whole lot of fun exploring.

-seriously

[Tempest419]

For a little more closure... be forewarned, this is probably polyamory!

The husband and I recently had occasion to be with my best friend, as he mentioned, and it was amazing. He always points out that I write faster, so here it goes.

We were discussing things that made us all feel connected--godship of our child, our eight years of trust together, and one thing led to another over a couple of bottles of wine and we started to really have a great time together. We

But once we got into it... it was just amazingly comfortable between us. We had earlier discussed godparenting with Macha, who would be overjoyed to raise our son should anything happen to us (hopefully not). And it was just really nice and comfortable, and Macha was in great form. We were discussing the differences among breast implants, and of course I have always insisted Macha's are as good as it could possibly get; the saline bags were put into the breast tissue, not underneath the muscle. They were a relatively full size and not abnormal looking.... and they feel fucking amazing. After Miss Hard Tits at the club, and feeling several pairs of implants at this point, I asked Macha if Husband could feel hers... Macha said sure, and he began to massage her breasts. And amazingly, like in my fantasies, it turned me on!

I don't even remember the sequence of events except that we all three ended up in our king size bed and doing all sorts of things we didn't plan on. He went down on both of us, I remember that. I also remember seeing her pulling and twisting on her nipples and asking him to help her out up there while I ate her out. I had been going down on her after which I came up to her face again, and she whispered to me that she was comfortable with whatever I wanted. I asked her if she wanted to share a penis?-- she answered yes, and soon we all switched positions. Husband was on his knees in front of her as she laid reclined back on a mound of pillows. I felt like I was in some strange but warm bizarro world as I wrapped my hand around Husband's cock and pulled him up to her opening. I used the tip of it to slide up and down her opening until I got to the just the right spot... and I guided him slowly into her. They began to move in rhythm, and I saw the both of them in a new light--both of them sexy, without me. How they looked while making love from the outside view. It was incredibly erotic. I insisted that they kiss--how can they be so close and such good friends and fuck without kissing?--and they asked again to make sure I was okay with it. I insisted again and when their lips met, things began to deepen--both the kiss and the penetration--and I found myself mesmerized by the movement and sounds. Her face looked relaxed and pleasured, and I loved the sight of his strong thighs against her lighter skin. I found myself leaving the room for my eyeglasses so I could see better. I took him in after her, and later on, was entirely jazzed by taking turns giving him a blow job. There was something that turned me on about our close girl-friendship allowing us to share a cock; him dipping inside her, then inside me... it was a huge turn-on.

It's been about two weeks and she will be back over tomorrow night--we make no promises and go with the flow, but the more she knows I'm okay with it the more turned on to him she is, and I cannot WAIT to watch them fucking again...

Til then~

Tempest

[seriously]

Good god, this is compicated- the poly thing that is, seriously.

-seriously

[blackcreme2003]

This is a great thread, and by the far the longest one I"ve had read so far. I wish you two the best.

[Tempest419]

Hi everyone~

thought I'd give an update to things... after the break up (Rules & The Elusive Unicorn) of the sexual relations with my bf, things have been rocky for a few weeks. I mentioned in the other thread I started on that issue that the Husband has been feeling out of sorts with himself, and confused I think, about our involvement in the lifestyle.

As for the friend, long story short, she and I are working things out as friends rather well, considering, and I'm blessed I was able to know our long-term friendship would survive no matter what happened in that sexual arena of our lives. She is joined by our son, whom she loves and he is very attached to, and we are picking up the pieces and finding we still have so much else to talk about it's becoming less and less of a big deal as time goes by. I am generally feeling good with everything... I pretty much went into it with the attitude that I am a big girl who can enjoy fantasies and I don't make a habit of regretting things. I like to think that I like who I am and every experience makes me that person, and even if it turns out different than you expected (which is bound to happen) there's always something to learn. So... I am still turned on by the idea of the open relationship as long as we're together. I would like to entertain the idea of another couple if we could find one, but he is REALLY turned off by all this. He keeps likening it to some bad crab legs he ate when he was a kid... they were bad and he didn't know it... all he remembers is that it tasted great going down, but he sure felt like hell the whole next day, And I'm going... was it really that bad? I've even suggested some libido pumping supplements, but alas, I think he likes his mood.

Anyway... I asked him to at least entertain the idea of going to the club for exhibitionism and voyeurism purposes, which is still a big turn-on for me and was for both of us at the beginning, so that I can fulfill that "kink" in my nature... I even suggested web-camming with other couples on the internet which is relatively "safe" and he was reticent about that. To be honest.... we are at a stand-still because of some mental/emotional blocks that we can't seem to get to the bottom of, so he's feeling a bit deflated while I'm turn-on at the drop of a hat and raring to go To me, a lot of ice has been broken and I think under the right circumstances with the right couple, some exciting things could happen.

I think Mr Tempest (Seriously) will agree I made some rational arguments about not shutting the door on the whole thing, and I'm hoping this is a passing mood and with patience he'll come around and be the hot number he was all up until the "break-up." I keep reminding him how, a few months ago, I kept asking over and over-- "Are you sure you want to open this door? Because I hear the ladies really end up liking it." (courtesy of these boards, of course, )

So... does anyone have any encouraging words to share in our predicament?

Thx,
Sincerely,
Tempest

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Tempest419

So... does anyone have any encouraging words to share in our predicament?

I think you need to take it slow - be patient. I think having followed this thread from the begining as well as reading the other, it is obvious that there have been some pretty serious communication gaps along the way. Working to get on the same page is far more important than working to get to your next adventure.

He may come around - he may not. The biggest issue is not his libido, it is his level of trust. That is a hard thing to rebuild - but you can start by assuring him that he is far more important to you than swinging is; so much so that you would gladly forget all about it if it meant harmony in your marriage.

Spoomonkey

[Tempest419]

I do know what you mean about the communication gaps... hopefully the Mr. will be on here to clarify his feelings on things a bit. We've had some good conversatiosn on things and clarified a lot. I think I assimilated the experience emotionally/mentally a little faster.

One thing is that he kept reminding me that there were issues we both had sexually with my gf that we were both expressing before this communication/poly/mishap thing happened. There's a lot there, but suffice it to say that while it was fun and comfortable and thrilling in it's own way... the bottom line is we would like to be in bed with someone who show a little more interest and enthusiasm. In less than two months of experiences with her, we both looked up to catch her watching television over her shoulder. How sexy, eh? Tho when we asked she always said things were fine. We had begun to chalk it up to incompatible sexual styles when this happened, and it was the Mr. who kept reminding me there were other women in the world.

Flash to current... on Christmas Eve, I almost got on the boards and posted an update then. We invited my bf over, we hadn't seen her much lately and her mother didn't come back into town for the Holiday. She hasn't been seeing the last guy anyway b/c they had a bit of a disagreement, and had lamented being really turned on and no where to go. So while I'm on the phone inviting her, in broad daylight while we're shopping, he says to tell her "we bought 3 bottles of Beujolais" (newsflash: that's what we always drank when we got together for a threesome) and my ears perked a little, but I told her anyway.... later that night after she calls and gives us an arrival time, I asked him about his comment. He came around to saying that he wasn't "necessarily opposed" to sleeping with her that night... I said you want to wet YOUR noodle, then, and he said "no, I want you to want to sleep with her," at which point--okay NOW I'm confused--but I entertain the thought and see where he's going and ask, "Why?" He said something to the effect that he wished I could've been cooler about it with her, that he misses her, etc. Now, flashing back to our bedroom issues with her in the first place, I say (thanks, Vespertine) "So I should just ignore my feelings and be an orgasm donor for her?" Of course, he said NO and that ended that... sort of.

Also, he bought us a membership to Swing Lifestyle for Christmas, so I think I have some room to be confused and thinking that he does want to still pursue this.... but when I bring up rather tame ideas, he just turns them down and yes, I'm a little bored with the vanilla sex. And I observe I'm getting mixed signals.. and people can say anything that the want, but when it comes right down to it, any old wise person or good psychologist will tell you to observe what someone does, not what they say, especially if the are incongruous.

And to be honest, like I projected my feelings of poly onto her, perhaps he has been projecting his "How could I not have know what you felt about her" onto me when perhaps it's him who is feeling more for her. And he pointed out the thread on the boards that linked hormones and emotions, and the idea that the longer you have sex with someone, the more you'll feel for them... and that makes him trepidatious. I have again said well I did let you spend alone time with her, I was open to poly, so were you beginning to have deeper feelings than maybe you told me? He says that's ridiculous.

Phew! Hope that helps...

~T

[Tempest419]

One thing I might add... I think going into this, since my interests were originally in bi-women, he was perhaps not prepared for the interest I have developed in being more sexually involved with men. I have really enjoyed being in the MFM with our friend and since the things with my friend, my interest in bi-women has waned a bit and my interest in other men has increased.

[Chicup]

Wow.....

Somehow I missed this thread at first, and just finished it all (including the other thread). The mistakes made are obvious in hindsight, but it seems the problem may not have been you and your husband being on the wrong page, but you and your bf not being on the same page, and later her not wanting to hurt you by saying she was dating. Obvioiusly there is more and its not worth rehashing what you are now painfully aware of.

In an earlier post you said you wanted more than just having sex with no conection (though how the single male fits this I don't know) and that somehow having sex with a couple would be less connection with your spouce than a threesome.

We have found just the opposite for the same reasons. We WANT a connection with the other people, we want to like them, we want to care about them to some degree, and we have in fact found it with couples. The added benifit was that we didn't have to worry as much about one falling for the other, no lonely singles, no threat.