She wants to be with others but isn't ready for him to be

[masscpl469]

Hey all,

If there is "Full Swap", can there be 3/4 Swap?

Male half of a 40ish couple here that have been more into the MFM or small GB scene. She has played alone with other couples in the past, but does not want to do that anymore. We have been with one other couple before but it wasn't full swap; she had intercourse with the other guy, I did not have intercourse with the other woman.

My GF wants to be with another couple, but is not entirely comfortable with me screwing the other woman. Oral sex, etc is fine. She can have intercourse with the other guy and I'm fine with that. I suggested "Soft Swap" - oral only with anyone (except for the guy-guy thing). I think that if my GF and the other guy go "full swap", then the other woman would think that "fair is fair" and expect and want to do the same with me.

My questions are: Is this something that others have experienced? Is it a common thing? I do NOT want to be the odd man out or "take one for the team". If I'm involved with all the activity going on except for full-swap I'd be perfectly content. I truly do not think that I would start to feel resentful that I wasn't getting "my fair share" of fun. After all, I have enjoyed the MFM thing and sometimes just enjoy watching.

Do others that are more experienced think this is something that could work long term with another couple, or would expectations come out as time went on?

Thanks all for your thoughts.

[djjwp]

That would not work for us. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. I think she is being just a tad selfish IMHO.

[Chicup]

Whatever works for you, but it would NOT work for us.

We are in this together and for each other. I want her to enjoy herself and she wants me to enjoy myself.

[CuriousInOregon]

Dito I do not feel that 3/4 swap would work for us either I LOVE to see my man pleasing another woman in every way that he can and I think he would feel kindof jipped if he didnt get to see the same pleasure on my face from me being pleased.

[Vespertine]

There is no right way or wrong way to swing. If you and your wife are happy with your boundaries, that's all that matters.

I'm sure you'll find some couples to play with, but they will be few and far between.

We wouldn't play with a couple that had such a rule. We would surmise that the woman wasn't secure with her relationship or was lacking in the self-esteem department or had a streak of jealousy. All of which we find unattractive.

Swinging for us is a team sport.

[Pinmonkey]

I wouldn't mind watching my wife with another husband and wife. Even if I was just on the sidelines.

[confunktion]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

There is no right way or wrong way to swing. If you and your wife are happy with your boundaries, that's all that matters.

I'm sure you'll find some couples to play with, but they will be few and far between.

We wouldn't play with a couple that had such a rule. We would surmise that the woman wasn't secure with her relationship or was lacking in the self-esteem department or had a streak of jealousy. All of which we find unattractive.

Swinging for us is a team sport.

Dito

If that's the way (uh huh, uh huh) you like it, then go for it. It's all about what you are comfortable with and what makes it enjoyable for you.

It's not our preference, though. We're all about sharing and sharing alike. It just makes the experience that much more amazing.

Mr. Funk
It's your thing...do what you wanna do...

[RNDNV]

We are dead on in agreement with Vespertine on this one. Anytime one partner attempts to dictate or restrict the scope of play that the other partner "may be allowed" to participate in, then that is a hallmark sign that that person has "issues" with swinging.

We suggest that you have a good long talk with her, I think you may have hit it on the head when she said she didn't want to play alone anymore (which can be a good thing, but in this case it seems she wants to keep on playing, but wants you around, maybe to keep her safe, but doesn't want you having as much fun as she is). We certainly hope she isn't about rubbing your nose in it, and maybe she is just in it for the gals. Talk, talk, and talk, ultimately, she has the answers to your questions, not us.

[meandher2go]

would wrok for us but we can see where it wouldn't for others

[WesternSwing]

You know Masscpl, I think 3/4 swap would be unfair to someone. Your girlfriend will have to come to grips with you having intercourse with another woman if she gets to have intercourse with another man. It may seem okay now, but sooner or later you're going to start feeling left out of the fun. Plus, I don't think you'll find too many couples where the woman is willing to not get laid when her hubby is.

Mr. WS

[TNT]

Originally Posted by masscpl469

Hey all,

My GF wants to be with another couple, but is not entirely comfortable with me screwing the other woman. Oral sex, etc is fine. She can have intercourse with the other guy and I'm fine with that. I suggested "Soft Swap" - oral only with anyone (except for the guy-guy thing). I think that if my GF and the other guy go "full swap", then the other woman would think that "fair is fair" and expect and want to do the same with me.

Not a totally unworkable scenario and some possibilities that others are not seeing here.

We have been in a situation where I was basically the third for another couple and Ted did not play with the other wife...nothing major wrong with the encounter but it was something that we decided that we really didn't want to do again, unless it was the particular mood we were in at the time (him just sitting and watching me).

From what I'm gathering from your post is that basically your wife wants a FMF threesome with you doing little more than watching, with only slight participation.

This could work for many couples as there are numerous ones only looking for that elusive bi-female, where the female half of the couple does not want to play with another man. They would basically be getting this with you two with only slight moderation in the play. If boudaries were set and communication was good, it would be a very enjoyable play session.

The only thing that you would have to concern yourself with is how you would ultimately feel, i.e. being left out of the play. If your kink is just watching and participating to a mild degree, no problems. However, if you are also wanting to have sex with another woman while your wife has sex with another man and not getting to, eventually resentment will build. And that is something that you and your wife will have to settle between yourselves.

I would suggest spelling out exactly what you're looking for when searching for other couples, look for those who are okay with getting a FMF threesome with you watching/soft swinging. You might be surprised how many would enjoy having your wife for a threesome with you watching.

Teresa

[Paramour2_99]

Swinging basically lets you break any rules on "normal" sex between two people so why would your GF be concerned about whom screws whom.

In swinging there's no "honor amoungst thieves". It's a sexual free for all no matter how you look at it.

But lastly consider this - if you're the one who's sensitive to her wishes then you feel "something" real for her,,,am I correct? If so then why breakdown the relationship with swinging??? Stengthen your relationship with her with monogamy.

I am having a hard time understanding how you can make such completely broad and incorrect statements. Swinging is not a sexual free for all where you have no concern about your partners feelings, concerns or emotions. I think if you took some time to read a little bit here at the board you will see that most swingers are very concerned about the people they love. Maybe you are basing it on your own experience and if so I am sorry that you have had such a bad swinging experience.

[EternallySingle]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that your girlfriend wants to see how far she can push you before you say "enough". I've had this happen with a female friend who would come up behind me and grab my crotch and nibble on my neck in public, but would actually get angry (or pretend to) if I approached her first and tried to give her a simple hug. Touching her butt...SLAP!!! After a couple of weeks of this I confronted her and she actually smiled and said "I wondered when you would stand up for yourself and tell me to stop teasing you." We had a good thing going for a couple of months after that, but I couldn't keep up the Dominating Male role and she got bored.

If your girlfriend is willing to entertain the idea of sleeping with other men but says you can't sleep with the other woman, she's either trying to control all aspects of your relationship or, like I said before, she is trying to see how many of your buttons she can push before you say "That's enough". I don't know how long you two have been together, but your relationship is probably more about the struggle to see who is in control at this point. In your situation, I would just say "Hey, I don't think swinging is something we can do until we're both comfortable with what the other wants out of our relationship and sex."

But thats just my opinion

[spkncouple]

First post!

Hubby here. Alright, so her and I are also guilty of this desire for a 3/4 swap. I'm totally not interested in having sex with another woman. My wife is not into the idea either. But both of us are seriously holy hardcore horny over the idea of her being fucked by another man, possibly even a FMF, or MFM with me. I would prefer to watch, but after reading what everyone has had to say it gives me second thoughts. We're swinger virgins, so there's no telling what we are/aren't capable of.

The reason I decided to respond here is because of the conclusions reached by some of you regarding masscpl469's thread starter. I know for a fact that my wife isn't one to test me, especially when it comes to something like this. She also holds my feelings in high regard, as do I with her. To imply that my wife would not want me to sleep with another woman because of those reasons is not who she is. We both respect and love each other so deeply that I know for a fact she isn't that type. I could be wrong though, only because there's no telling what may come of a swinging... correction; 3/4 swinging lifestyle.

As for Vespertine's comment: "We would surmise that the woman wasn't secure with her relationship or was lacking in the self-esteem department or had a streak of jealousy. All of which we find unattractive." I know that my wife doesn't fit that description. I can, however, see it being likely for many non-swinging couples.

After our lengthy discussions on this topic she has made it clear that she does not want to share me. Translate that how you wish. I wholeheartedly do not want to have sex with another woman. Could my wife's opposition to that create a serious problem? Soon I'll get her on here to read and post.

Lastly, I love the site and appreciate the mature yet horny atmosphere all you veterans provide. It really is great! Thanks.

[sukrekha]

We have a very similar setting during our swinging experiences:
-the other guy fucks my wife and also his
-I only fuck my wife but do oral on both the girls
-usually the guy we bed has a bigger penis than mine and sort of leads the proceedings. He is also more sexed than I am. I am usually content getting some action, doing oral and watching.
-It is usually like I have to take his permission to do things and he wont permit me to fuck his wife even if I get excited and approach her.
-My wife likes that the guy is assertive and wont allow other guys to fuck his wife.