She wants to swing but doesn't want him to play

[curiousagain]

I am often reminded of something TNT posted one time. Someone had written that swinging was married people acting single and TNT responded that swinging couples were having sexual adventures TOGETHER. I believe for couples the stressing of "WE" is much more important than anything concerning "I".

I agree with others that you have much to learn and talk about and agree on and understand before actually swinging, if you want to do it successfully.

[JandCMI]

This is one of those things that has bothered me for a very long time, since we started swinging in fact. There is no way I (fem) would EVER expect to enjoy a MFM, or group or swapping or anything that involved sexual contact between me and another person, without allowing my husband to enjoy the same thing from his perspective. NO WAY! And going to clubs and parties and different swing events has shown me that this is VERY common practice .... husband's just stand around while the wives run amock! > This, to me, is very wrong. And I believe that most, if not all, of these husbands are simply tolerating something that they are not happy with in order to keep their wives happy. Some might call this noble and sacrificing ... I call it selfish on the wives' part and downright stupid on the husband's part.

I have never read something more right on than this. Especially that second sentence. If one of us wanted to "just watch", we could just stay home with a porno

[Alura]

To steal a bit of wisdom from an old football coach, "There is no "I" in "couple." ("There is no "I" in "Team.")

If we ever do an MFM again, it will be just like the first time: With the husband of our usual play couple when his wife was out of town and aware that we were doing it. And all will participate; the missing partner will just have to wait until she/he gets home.

Mr. Alura

[starlinn]

Originally Posted by txduo2000

This is one of those things that has bothered me for a very long time, since we started swinging in fact. There is no way I (fem) would EVER expect to enjoy a MFM, or group or swapping or anything that involved sexual contact between me and another person, without allowing my husband to enjoy the same thing from his perspective. NO WAY! And going to clubs and parties and different swing events has shown me that this is VERY common practice .... husband's just stand around while the wives run amock! > This, to me, is very wrong. And I believe that most, if not all, of these husbands are simply tolerating something that they are not happy with in order to keep their wives happy. Some might call this noble and sacrificing ... I call it selfish on the wives' part and downright stupid on the husband's part.

This is a lifestyle that has no rules, no specifics. You make it what you want out of your comfort levels. But I do agree that it is completely selfish to expect to enjoy what you are not willing to extend to your spouse.

Sorry if this was strong and harsh, but this is something that hits a nerve with me.

I have to agree with this. I have seen couples at clubs that the man is sitting back watching, or his wife is nowhere to be found while he sits alone with his drink.
But lets turn it around a bit...I have also met couples in clubs that the guy is hitting on everything that walks past him, and the woman sits, head down, looking like she would rather be cutting her twonails with a dull knife then to be in a club. I have meet alot more couples in this situation then in the prior one. So lets give women some credit!

[katejustkate]

I belive it is very selfish of him to flat out refuse you in mfm. sometimes it helps if some else talks to him. I know it helped me.

[midnight hour]

!....some men like to have a second man join him and his wife (me and my hubby for one) I am NOT making a fool of my hubby, in fact, HE is the one that wanted another man to fuck me.....so if im making a fool of him, i better let him know pretty quick cuz he never lets me do that even out of the bedroom.

I agree 100%...it was his top fantasy and still is..we have did the couple thing..he did not enjoy it the way you would think he would..he enjoys MFM...with me as the center..he gets off on my pleasure...and what the other man and him can give me...he said with another woman...all he wanted to do was watch me...and see what I was doing etc...
Now if that makes him a bad man..or if it means I am making a fool of him..well you haven't been around him for 21 years like I have...it is *our* thing....even me being with another woman does not do to him what a MFM does...lots of people have little quirks...doesn't mean that anyone is being made a fool of...not by a long shot...but I think that some single men not understanding the complex relationships of married swingers get this drift...
To the OP I would say the watch don't touch is not going to fly..unless he is one of those men that like to be cuckold....so unless you can even the score card out..as in my case if i said I just want to do MFM...Mr. Midnight would just be as happy as he ever was...

Midnight Hour

[mde 4764]

I think the title to your post says it all. It appears that you want everything and hubby gets nothing. I certainly can't find fault with not agreeing to you being with another man.

[Botcpl]

And all this time I thought this was a team sport! Now I find out that there is at least one fool on every team. Sort of takes the fun out of the game, don't you think? How long will people be willing to play ball if you are the only one who can pitch and the only one that gets to bat?

P

[KittKatt]

"Slow And Steady Wins The Race"......take your time, it sounds like you are both just starting to discuss your fantasies with each other, talk talk talk

With whatever ya'll decide works best for you, you will both have ideas before during and after each thing you try, comunicate,

If swinging is right for ya'll as a couple, it won't take long to figure out what you both want and are comfortable with as long as you fully comunicate with each other every time!!

I don't think you are being selfish....yet..sounds to me like you just feel selfish so far. And as we were once told, "Theres Not ONE Perfect Way Of Doing Things"

Comunicate, have fun, and PLEASE keep us posted!!!

[022054]

I was definately talking about me being the selfish one. I have a real issue with jealosy. One that I will have to work through before we can proceed with this. Luckily my hubby and I are very open with each other, and discuss ALL the possibilities. Maybe one day we will be at a point where we can join in on all the fun, but we aren't there yet. Thank you all for the input! You all just re-itterated what I guess I knew from the begining... I have a ways to go before we can join! Boy do I love my hubby! He is such a patient man!