Only half of the couples are attracted to each other

[LikeMinds321]

How do you handle a relationship with a couple where two of the people no longer are interested in sex with each other?

We met our first couple about eight months ago and after playing twice, MrLM and Mrs Playmate realized they weren't sexually tuned to each other as they hoped they would be. They handled this discovery very well, and wisely communicated about it early on. Each couple respects the other and our friendship has continued to grow.

But this discovery has changed the dynamics of our play. Mr Playmate has been to our home for a threesome, and I have traveled to their home for a threesome. In other words, Mr LM and Mrs Playmate haven't been in on the play at the same time since they realized they aren't sexually in sync.

Mr LM and I are now wondering how this is going to affect our future relationship with this couple. I've got all kinds of thoughts going through my head.

I could say more, but I'll start with this information and add more if needed.

I'd like to hear from couples who've dealt with this and would appreciate any advice you have to offer.

LM

My opinion would be to remain friends but cut out all play. I think it will only lead to resentment in one form or the other.

We had sort of the same experience with a couple. In fact it was the first couple and the first time mrs naughty did the full monty. Myself and the other woman did not. For various reasons we were not cpmpatable, to say the least.

I told the hubby next time I saw him that mrs naughty had a wonderful time but I did not click with his wife.
Everyone was cool with that and all play stopped. We hung out once or twice after that just as friends but quickly realized that other than swinging we did not have much in comon so we just drifted apart, so to speak.

[northindycpl]

Dito Naughty's. I, don't specifically have experience in a situation such as this. Sorry. But I do think calling off play with them is the best idea. I think remaining friends is fine, just no play.

[Vespertine]

LM...

Are ya'll happy with the threesome arrangement? If the four of you are comfortable with this set-up I don't see any reason to quit playing with them.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

LM...

Are ya'll happy with the threesome arrangement? If the four of you are comfortable with this set-up I don't see any reason to quit playing with them.

Yeah, that's kind of what I think. If it works for you, then why not continue with that understanding? Or, do you see that it's not working out for some reason?

-B

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

LM...

Are ya'll happy with the threesome arrangement? If the four of you are comfortable with this set-up I don't see any reason to quit playing with them.

Ditto. I guess my question would be, is there something to make you worry about it at this time?

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Ditto. I guess my question would be, is there something to make you worry about it at this time?

That would be my question too. What made you ask us about it? Are you getting 'vibes' from anyone that they aren't comfortable now with the friendship?

Mr Spoo and I would probably just be friends with them and eliminate any play. We can get a single male for a threesome. We did the wife swap with a couple that we were friends with and while I had fun when it was my turn to go to the other couple alone it is not my preference. If that was the only thing we had left with a couple we would rather be just friends with no play or as Mr&MrsNaughty said if we then found out we had nothing in common but the play we would let the friendship end.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[TNT]

As long as all four of you are happy with the situation, we see no reason to stop playing.

However, we can see where there might come a time when the one who is not involved could start feeling left out...even if Mr. LM and Mrs. Playmate are not attracted to each other, being left at home could wear on them. If that should happen, then it would be best to stop the playing and continue with the friendship if there is more to the friendship that just the playing.

TNT

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

LM...

Are ya'll happy with the threesome arrangement? If the four of you are comfortable with this set-up I don't see any reason to quit playing with them.

Right now we're enjoying ourselves.

My concern is what TNT brought up: I'm worried that Mr LM and Mrs Playmate will feel they aren't getting what they need out of the arrangement.

Mr LM wants to play with women, not just be part of a threesome all the time.

And I think the same (in the reverse) is true with Mrs Playmate, although she hasn't said as much, but I wonder. I know she likes the attention of men and isn't into f/f play. I am no longer interested in f/f play with her. Neither of us was looking for that anyway, but we gave it a try.

So we're left with me getting what I want and Mr LM not getting what he wants.

I think the scale is out of balance and eventually this will be a problem.

It's unfortunate because finding couples to play with is very difficult for us, and I hate the thought of losing our only swingers.

Thank you all for your posts and advice.

LM

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

So we're left with me getting what I want and Mr LM not getting what he wants.

I think the scale is out of balance and eventually this will be a problem.


LM

I think you just answered your own question.

[SexhoundDog]

LikeMinds,
I too agree that this will eventually become a problem. My bigger concern would be it possibly becoming a problem between you and Mr. LM moreso that the other couple, and I'm sure you feel the same.

But, I am curious. Whatever happened to the little coffee shop situation where all the guys were checkin' you out? I get on the board so little any more that I'm kinda getting out of touch.

From your pics, I have a hard time believing you would be too long without finding other playmates. And that's before they even get to know your personality!

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by SexhoundDog

But, I am curious. Whatever happened to the little coffee shop situation where all the guys were checkin' you out? I get on the board so little any more that I'm kinda getting out of touch.

I haven't been back to check out the hot dudes since I wrote about it.

It's time I get back there. facelick

Thanks for reminding me of that, SexhoundDog...and for everything.

LM

[Vantabulous]

LM,

I'm not asking you anything that you and Mr. LM haven't asked yourselves, but aren't the two of you keeping the "reciprocity" scenario going exactly because you don't want to lose your "only swingers"?

Mrs. Spoo suggested in her thread that "when it was her turn to go alone" it was not her preference - being an avid fan of the Spoo's, I'm a little curious as to why she did, but...

My sense is that, sooner or later, the fact that you aren't swinging with Mr. LM is going to become a factor. Mrs. Van and I have never "been there, or done that" so I won't go so far as to recommend anything to you. This, however, is one of those situations where I couldn't see myself being as pragmatic as some of the others, i.e. if the "threesomes" work, what the heck? Personally, I believe this will ultimately become "uncomfortable" for all concerned.

Just thinking out loud...

Van

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Vantabulous

LM,

I'm not asking you anything that you and Mr. LM haven't asked yourselves, but aren't the two of you keeping the "reciprocity" scenario going exactly because you don't want to lose your "only swingers"?

Said that way, it makes it sound like we'd dump this couple pronto if we were swinging with other people, and that's not the case. I'd still want to play with them even if we had other couples that we were swinging with. And Mr LM would be fine with that too.

I wish we had additional swing partners, if we did I wouldn't be concerned; Mr LM would be getting as much out of swinging as I am. Until we find a couple(s) where he and the woman click, I think he's getting shortchanged.

Regarding me going alone to play, this is very comfortable for me. I enjoy it. I've always been independent and like traveling on my own. Doing this in the future with other couples would be pleasurable for me. I wouldn't do it often, but Mr LM knows I can handle myself and if it's a couple we know well he has no problem with it.

We are different from most couples on the board. Most report that they want to watch their spouse while swinging and feel something is missing if they aren't. Mr LM and I don't feel a strong desire to watch the other or even be in the same room. Being in the same house - yes, all four of us like gathering in the living room after play to bask in the afterglow.

My sense is that, sooner or later, the fact that you aren't swinging with Mr. LM is going to become a factor.

I do swing with him during MFM with Mr Playmate. That is a threesome activity that can continue if we want it to.

Bottom line: I want Mr LM to find a woman that excites him. I know how great it is to have a playpartner that you click with. I've found this. He deserves it too.

We'll probably slow down the swing meets with this couple, get together now and then socially - without sex, and see if we can all be comfortable with it.

LM

[knights43]

Sounds like a wonderful situation for you and Mr. Playmate, each being afforded the opportunity to play regardless of the arrangement. However, it seems that the feelings of the odd-players-out should come into context at some point. How do they feel about it, you should have knowledge of Mr. LM but how about Mrs. Playmate? Therein, methinks, lies the possible deal breaker.