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  1. #1
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    Default Female half of a couple turns me off

    This is the male half speaking

    I have 2 issues with a couple that we get together with and I'm not sure how to handle it. The lady half of the couple we meet up with has an odor issue. She smells musty and I don't mean downstairs. It is a huge turn off for me when I smell this. We have been together several times now and 2 of those times she smelled like that. I know I can't just say, "damn girl you smell", but the only other alternative I can think of is to break it off because that is definitely a showstopper for me personally.

    The other thing that bothers me is that this female part of the couple keeps talking about how fat she is or how she has been putting on pounds here and there. I don't know how other guys think on this forum, but to me that takes away sex appeal. No she isn't a 10 but she isn't ugly either. However its like a mind thing with me in that she's creating this picture of herself that isn't redeeming at all!

    Here is the major issue for me. If the male half of this couple wasn't appealing, then it would be a no brainer. Just say that we are not feeling it chemistry wise and move on. But my wife really enjoys being with the male part of that couple. He has a lot of sex appeal. The other caveat to that is that my wife and I only swing together. I'm not sure if changing that rule and discussing that with my wife would be the best avenue or not because even if we were ok with that, the female half of this couple would catch on. She isn't stupid

    Have you folks ran into anything like this before? If so, how did you handle it?

  2. #2
    Mr&Mrs-naughty
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    Ahhhhhh,
    Taking one for the team!

    Most if not all of us have done this at least once in the past. For most, like us, when first starting out.

    The fix...Don't do it. There has got to be many more men out there your wife finds attractive.

    The biggest problem we have found with swinging with couples is trying to find one where all 4 click and are attracted to each other. It can be hard to do and tends to suck a lot of the fun out of it. At least it did for us.





    Sorry, thats probably not what you want to hear but it is how I see it.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    I agree. There may always be a little give and take in attraction levels, but a mismatch like this is not good. Taking one for the team longterm could lead to some resentment (you) and guilt (your wife.)

    Move on to meeting other couples where the balance is better. The quest for the right match can try your patience sometimes, but hang in there!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    I agree.... don't take one for the team- ever....

    But, if you are attracted to this women other than the 2 flaws, try to fix them. Perhaps you could invite her into the shower for play, or hot-tub. Maybe get her an inexpensive bottle of perfume that you just love?

    Additionally, I would have your wife mention to her how attractive you find women that are confident about their appearances... maybe she will get your hints.
    Mrs. Indy

  5. #5
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    I think it's fine to take one for the team once in a while, but over the long-haul it can do more damage than good. Overall, this woman doesn't appeal to you. I assume you've talked to your wife about all of this - you have haven't you? - and she knows how you feel. If not, then you should. Perhaps your wife can talk to the lady for you.

    Regarding the odor issue you might try taking her into the shower before sex, if you want to keep seeing her. Regarding her weight comments, I think you can be upfront with her about that and just flat out say "you look fine would you please stop making those comments, they are a real turn off - unlike you".

    I just looked up and read northindy's post as I was typing mine and realize I basically just said exactly the same thing they did...lol.

  6. #6
    Just a hick Okie Alura's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    I agree with NorthIndyCpl: If you like this lady otherwise, try to fix the problem.

    I also agree with Julie: Talk with your wife about it if you haven't. She'll be a top-notch ally in solving the problem.

    It may not be that she needs a bath; it could be what she eats. Certain herbs, such as garlic, can cause a body odor. (Y'know, come to think of it, I'm not even sure that's true. A friend of long ago told me that, but she may have been wrong. I never checked it out with a reliable source.)

    Anyway, taste her skin. If it's salty, she needs a bath and if you like her otherwise, go the shower or spa route. (I like to keep our spa clean, so the shower would be my choice.) A gift of some of Ranger's soap would be great, along with the perfume, but be discrete here.

    The "fat remarks" may just be her way of fishing for a compliment. She may want you to say, "You're not fat! You're fine!" (I'd indulge her, but I'd add: "...but if you don't quit saying that, I'm gonna start believing you!"

    Playmates aren't easy to come by. It would be a pity to just go looking for someone else if the problem can be solved.

    Keep us up-to-date!

    Mr. Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
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  7. #7
    I'll think about it LikeMinds321's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    You say she smells musty, do you mean the smell of mildew or mold?

    We have a client who comes in our office and smells like mildew. She is well to do, very clean in appearance and dresses nicely. I finally discovered that she lives in a 100 year old Victorian home in a nice part of town, which made think, her old home probably has some moisture problems and, as a result, her clothes absorb the mildew smell in her home. She is obviously unaware of her odor (like smokers who can't smell smoke) and so this poor woman runs around smelly.

    Now if her husband does not smell, well, maybe he keeps his clothes in a different closet.

    Just a thought.

    Another consideration would be any medications she takes. Certain drugs can change body odor.

    Good luck on how you decide to handle this.

    LM

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Addict Vespertine's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    Does she smell or is it her clothes? I can't even fathom a musty person! Maybe it's the type of perfume whe wears. Or maybe she wears an oil, like patchouli? It has an almost musty, earthy odor that a lot of people find unappealing.

    I agree with Mr. Alura, I'm sure she's just fishing for compliments and I think subtly letting her know what a turn-off it is would be your best bet.

    Lots of luck!
    Ves

    The art of life lies in taking pleasures as they pass, and the keenest pleasures are not intellectual, nor are they always moral.

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict midnight hour's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    Maybe it's the type of perfume whe wears

    I was thinking the same thing...a lot of men will find some kind of musks horrible smelling...I know there are some perfumes/oils I wear I find wonderful, Mr. Midnight finds them barf ville. It could be a sachet she uses in her closet or any number of things..perhaps asking her what kind of perfume she wears might help.
    However if it is too much then never take one for the team.
    I have to agree with Mrs. Naughty, it is too hard for us to find a couple that we hit it off with so we end up with the MFM..so far that is all we have had luck with..
    "Your mind is your only box, and only you hold the key to the locks."

  10. #10
    Oh...Why not?... DBL D's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    Why don't you just ask her what kind of perfume she's wearing? If she says she isn't wearing any, then you have a solved problem. If she is wearing something...you still have a solved problem.

    Now, about the taking one in the chops, er, I mean, for the team. You say the hubby has sex appeal. Is this lady lacking in some other area as well as the weight thing. I agree that she mus'n't do this but I think if you like her then it's worth saving.

    Otherwise...there are lots of other "Fish" (and "Monkeys") in the "Sea".

    Male D
    Last edited by DBL D; 01-03-2005 at 10:49 PM.
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  11. #11
    Disney!All rides are open Mrs Spoomonkey's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    I'm sorry but sounds like your trying to take on for the team in a repeat situation with this couple. The smell aside it is never sexy to have to listen to someone talk about their weight or health issue for that matter. If she's that insecure maybe she shouldn't be in the lifestyle. I'd say break it off. It is hard to get four people to click but you can come close to it than this. Also, don't change your not playing separate rule for this. We don't change our rules especially this one for anybody. Our rules are for us, made and agreed upon by both of us to enjoy the lifestyle together . . . don't change it.

    Mrs Spoomonkey
    Love is friendship set aflame

  12. #12
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey
    We don't change our rules especially this one for anybody. Our rules are for us, made and agreed upon by both of us to enjoy the lifestyle together . . . don't change it.
    Mrs Spoomonkey
    Well said.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    Thank you for all of the advice

    Yes I have talked to my wife about it and she is my biggest ally. She said that we are on this together and if I'm not comfortable with it, then lets move on. She also read these replies. She plans on taking the ball and see if this gal will catch on.

    One thing I failed to mention is the positive. She is very sexy. I was just really turned off by those 2 things the last time we all met. Rather than just give up, I thought I would post here and see what you all had to say.

    One of the other main hang ups I've had is trying to find another couple that we both hit it off with. This couple has been wonderful with these 2 exceptions. This has been a learning experience and takes patience! I also agree on the long haul thing that you mentioned Julie. We plan on slowing down with this couple. If even slowing it down doesn't improve matters, then we will move on.

    Oh and in regards to the fat remarks. I've complimented her before but haven't taken the bold stance of, "Could you please stop saying that? You are not fat to me and you are starting to make me think that way if you keep saying it." I do plan on using this if she brings it up again.

    When I say musty, I meant like Body odor naturally like if you don't wear deodorant but just wash your pits type of Body odor. It seems like a feint smell at first but really starts to kick in when the action gets hot. I hope this clears that up a bit Oh and its not the perfume because I'm pretty sure she doesn't wear perfume. The smell isn't around her neck at all. It's when she takes her shirt off when it starts to kick in.

    Also I guess I was just frustrated when I originally posted in case you couldn't tell. I don't want to change the rules just for this circumstance. I think it would just cause more problems later on down the road the more I think about it.

    Again thank you all for your responses. We are definitely taking them into consideration.

  14. #14
    Swingers Board Addict Chemistry_0518's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    It is definitely one of the hardest things to find four people, four personalities, in which all four like each other. So we will have to agree that taking the route you have chosen will prove to be a benefit to all. She will realize that she has some solid friends in you and YOU will have someone that you really enjoy being with. Sounds like a WIN-WIN to me.
    We have True Chemistry between us. The right mix makes an incredible reaction.

  15. #15
    Swingers Board Addict Nymph an' Satyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 things that bother me... not sure what to do

    Hmmmmm....the smell of a sweaty woman.......a turn on for me. Different strokes eh?

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