I want to have sex with others but can't handle watching him do it

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

ok, thank GOD for Spoomonkey.

I was all set to GO OFF on the first couple of replies until he set it all straight.

Good for you to be willing enough to even TRY swinging. How many husbands get on this board & gripe that their wives won't even think of it, so they are on their own(cheating) or trying to figure out how to 'convince' them?

Take it at your pace. I will admit when this all came about for us, I was less than thrilled at the thought of Mr Naughty going at it with some other chick. It had NOTHING to do with "SHE MIGHT BE BETTER THAN ME". It had to do with many other emotional issues that are pounded into women their whole lives.


As we got a little experience & met some compatible people(finally) it really is no big deal anymore.

I'd say that you are the slowest person so everyone should be at your comfort level.

Me too, Mrs. Naughty! I'm so glad we have the Spoo ...

Otherwise Julie might have had to edit my language.

[good times]

I also agree with Spoomonkey (surprised?).

When we first started Mrs. GT's main hold up getting involved is she didn't know how she would react seeing me with another woman. When we eventually did a same room full swap with a couple, as it turned out, it just turned her on and she didn't have any of the feelings that she was afraid of. The important thing, as others have said, is go your own pace and only do what you are ready for and comfortable with.

[DBStPete]

I don't think anyone should be criticized for their comfort level, even if that level is zero.

Every couple is different. If what they want is good enough for them, shouldn't that be good enough for the world?

About ten years back we did some hotel party and club things in Atlanta and then Florida. While we had a great time, met some lovely people, and brought home plenty of memories, we eventually decided that it just wasn't for us. Who we are and what we want to do is just a little too far from the main, it seems, and the atmosphere at these places seemed to be that certain types of folks and activates were swingers and swinging and others...weren't. There was, frankly, some sense of elitism or something that we did not care for.

I still see it sometimes, which is why I like the new (to me) Internet way of doing this. We can filter through a lot more people, and also be exposed to the folks who don't fit in to the main "lifestyle" one way or another. Great, us too.

I think everyone who has a committed relationship has something wonderful and precious. If you can then expand that, have the faith and trust and love to "let go" that little bit, well, all the more rare and magical, no matter what level you do it at.

I think you're doing fine and I think you shouldn't feel guilty. You'll get more comfortable as your fears are allayed. Because that's really what it's all about, right? Love or fear?

Mr. DBStPete

[DBL D]

OK! OK! I have already said that Spoo Rules The World and I value their wisdom but...

She said that it has been mostly his idea and that she is doing this because it is so important to him. Guys and Gals. We have talked about how you can't do this because someone else wants you to do it. Having fun and loving it when the other is having fun is one thing, but if I felt that Fem D was only doing this because I wanted to do it...we'd stop. We have talked before about how this is not the swinging ideal--All of us.

I know that some people only want certain "combinations", if you will, but if he is getting more interested in doing something with another woman why stop him? Once again, I understand the "going at the pace of the slowest" but she doesn't want this to be a team sport.

Once again an unregistered person has gotten this board to write and we haven't heard from "unregistered" again. I'm not sure sure if I clarified my thoughts on this or not but this is not a healthy situation to me. If you want to be the couple who puts up with it, then be my guest.

BTW, I'm sorry I used the word "crap" in my earlier post. Emotions got the best of me.

Male D

In all honesty, if that had been MY first post, it would have been my last. I wouldn't have bothered to register either.

Mr naughty brought up swinging-does that mean I did it for him? No. Did I consider it initially because he asked me to? Yes. I also think that one has to read a whole post to get what someone is saying. I've had people rip apart my words one at a time and it sounded different than I had meant it.

We are not all poets.

Geez.

[wildwife1010]

Perhaps, if she has a problem with seeing hubby with other woman, they should consider seperate rooms.

[midnight hour]

I agree with Spoon and Naughty. So far Mr. Midnight has did some touching..a lick here and there at a party...and he is doing this so I will go slowlllllllly into the idea instead of looking up and finding him going at it full speed in the corner... *because* it was his total fantasy to see me with other men...forget the women...if I wanted to be with a woman then his little world was complete... but when we do the MFM he is active but does so just want to watch....
He told me if he is never with another woman he is still going to die a happy man.. he was quite the ladies man even though we married young, he worked in a night club>
There is a lot of men out there who only want the MFM..there is plenty out there who only want the bi fem for the wife while they watch...read it in the profiles all the time...I have read in profiles where the male did try the full swing and *he* did not like it...different strokes for different folks.
The fact that swinging *must above all things* involve full swap is pretty much crap and a man starting out with this demand only is most likely going to be left in the corner with his wanker alone.
Talking gets you far. It got me to the point I am at now.

midnight hour

[JustAskJulie]

You're really not being very fair to your husband. It's one thing for one partner to be the only one participating if both partners are ok with that. But if both want to be involved and one partner is saying "no, just me", then that's simply not fair.

You both need to step back away from the whole swinging thing and stop any activities until you can come to a resolution that you are both comfortable with.

[hotboringcpl]

for what it is worth, those of you concerned about the initial post coming from an unregistered user. Well your comments will not go to waste. My wife is having difficulty with the thoughts of me being solely with another woman while she is with another man or just me with another woman period. Which by the way she would give up(the other man)if I were to give her a choice, which I would never do. But your comments have helped me better understand her thoughts, and hopefully when I MAKE her (just kidding) read your comments it will take some of the possible stress or undue pressure she may be putting on herself over that decision she could have to make. And help her understand that the way she feels is fairly normal and that she may or may not over come it. That time will only tell

[DBL D]

One of you wise members is going to have to 'splain this one to me.

BoringHotCouple: Why won't you give her a choice? (Which you will never do?)

By the way, we still haven't heard from "unregistered". A bit surprising, is it not? Surrender

Male D

[hotboringcpl]

Sorry, it was supposed to read as : That I would never ask her to make a choice. But if she was ever asked to make a choice, she would choose not to be with another man. I was TRYING to say that I let her do what she wants to do as she wants to do it. It is up to her, if she says no, then its no. When it comes down to it, I can't make her do anything or she will take away what is dear to me...My HDTV!.....oh yea and her sweet body.

[DBL D]

That sounds sick!

If she wants to sell that HDTV cheap and quick...let me know.

Male D

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by DBL D

If she wants to sell that HDTV cheap and quick...let me know.

I'll give you whatever he's giving you - plus a dollar...



Spoomonkey

[venus_176]

While we are very new at this, and havent even started to meet anyone yet, when we pillow-talk it excites us both. I (the male) first brought this up as a fantasy about her being gangbanged. It progressed from there to a most wonderful twist.

She surprised me one night by saying how she wanted to watch me do it with another girl. She would want to join in later, but just wanted to watch for a while, maybe with an electric friend.

Friendship, trust, love. And really hot fantasies!!!!

[OhioCouple]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Hubby and I are new to the whole swinging thing. It has been mostly his idea but I've tried it because I know how important it is to him.

My posting is focused on what you had to say here. I get the feeling that you are just going along with this and really have no desire, what-so-ever. I get this impression from the wording of "I've tried" and "I know how important it is to him", which strike me as someone who is not at all comfortable with joining in this form of recreation. I'm also bothered by the use of the word 'Important'. Neither Mr. O or myself find swining 'Important' in our lives. It's a wonderful aspect that we have/do share together, but it is far from being 'important'.

If it is the case where you are only participating to please your husband, then you should do as others have suggested, talk to your husband and let him know "Hey! This just isn't working". I find it admirable that you gave it a shot, but if it isn't for you, so be it. Relay this to your husband and then hopefully the importance that swinging has on your husband will not be more important than the commitment you have with each other.

Our best to you, and hopefully you will come back and register so that you can not only respond to this thread, but you will be able to look through all of the valuable resources here on this board, which are only available to registered users, and you will find that no matter what you are feeling, dozens of more have felt the same.