wife ok with guys, but doesn't like hubby with women

[WesternSwing]

This is a bit tougher one for me to answer, because I go against the grain to what I've read so far. Although MFM is not a bother, I like to get some action too. For us it definitely keeps the jealousy supressed. I mean, how can one or the other be jealous if they're getting some too?

But there are some differences in our relationships. First, we got into swinging for my wife to explore her newly discovered bi side. The best way to do so is with couples with bi-females since single bi-females are few and far between. And of course, when the playing starts it's kind of a free-for-all and everyone is going to get a little.

Second, my wife likes watching me with other women. It is kind of a pride thing for her, like hotblonde47 says. It's a "yeah, that's my man facelick " thing. She "sells" me to the other women! Of course it gives me a big reputation to live up to.

But I have gotten jealous when she seems to be getting all the action and I'm not getting any, or comparatively little. Maybe I'm a little selfish.

We know a couple where they play together, she plays solo, but she won't let him play solo because she gets jealous. And he is okay with it (well it is beginning to wear a little thin with him). So as long as you are both okay with the present situation, great. But if you start to feel a bit "left out" then you need to verbalize this to your wife. Bottling it up with just make it boil inside of you.

I think it's very commendable of you to not use your pass to play solo because even though she says it's okay, you know it would hurt her. You sound like a very caring husband.

Mr. WS

[bill&sabrina]

Ok. This is my opinion. It is not fair for the female to play and not the male. If I want to play with another male, my husband better make sure there is a woman for him to play with. I realize that people will not admit to jealousy but, I was very much the same to start out with. I didn't like the idea of my husband being with another woman. Even with me being bi, I didn't want to do any of it because I was jealous. I couldn't deal with my husband being with another woman. Out of respect for my husband (whom I love very much), I tried it. The first time was not easy but, I decided I was not going to get over it unless we did. I knew my husband was going to come home with me but, I had alot of things going through my head. "Was she better than me?" I would even ask him. He would respond by telling me that she was not because he didn't love her. He loved me and no matter how good a person is in bed, don't make the person as good as me. He told me that he married me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and he didn't want that from anyone else. Needless to say, jealousy is a bitter thing and will drive people away from each other. It is not fair to only give her what she wants, and not fullfill your desires. I am not saying to cheat on her but, maybe she shouldn't play unless you get to as well. I refuse to play with single males because I want to see my husband with another woman. We only do same room sex because, I want to see his every move. I really enjoy it. Plus, it gives me a feeling of safety because I know he wouldn't do anything to make me feel jealous, and he would make sure that I was not being hurt.
This is not an attack on your wife but, you honestly need to think about it. It could lead to disaster because she is not willing to fullfill your desires. Nobody is perfect but, she needs to realize that you are coming home to her and not leaving for someone else. I wish you luck in what ever decision you make and hope that it works out for the both of you. Remember that you cannot live your life being on the back burner. If my husband would treat me the way your wife is, I would not be here because he is my other half and what is good for him is good for me.
Sabrina

[jcbicouple]

One more opinion. You need to both be comfortable with what you are doing. It sounds like you are both ok with the MFM but she's not really ok with you and another female. Possibly she thinks she "should" be ok with it because you are ok with her and other males. Reality is that just because one of you is comfortable with watching the other one with someone else, doesn't mean you both are. You are still seperate people and you need to be aware of what the other is comfortable with. You sound like a great husband that is well in tune with what your wife thinks (even if she won't admit it). Just try to be understanding and reassure her that she is the best thing you've ever had, and just like the other guys are nothing to her, so would the other women be to you. She may come around, or she may not. Some people just can't deal with watching their spouse with someone else. Remember: The heart speaks louder than the head. No matter how much she tells herself that it "shouldn't" bother her; She can't change how it feels.

[mrs good times]

I commend you on your decision to please your wife. I think you story sounds more like the fact that you just aren't comfortable with being told you shouldn't. That is a normal reaction even if you are happy to continue your current situation. None of us likes to be told we shouldn't do something and don't generally miss it until the words are said.

For us this wouldn't work because we are both very strong minded people and don't take it well when either of us feels that whats good for one isn't good for the other.

Good Luck

[xxoticangel]

As we have progressed through our swinging life our desires have changed. In the begining it was for her to enjoy her bi side. It evolved into soft swap then full swap with other couples. After our first MFM we slowly drifted away from couples and started looking more for single men. The last two years there have been more single men than couples. It is a lot easier for her to find a singel guy she is attracted to than a couple where everyone is attracted to everyone else. Now we are starting to move the other direction. We are starting to talk more and more about finding a bi-fem couple for semi-longterm play.
Swinging is like riding a roller coaster blind folded. You never know where or how intense the next turn, hill or valley will be.

[onenosbest]

If my hub and I do not have a partner for each other unless it is a threesome we do not swing. It is not fair to one spouse if the other one has to sit and do nothing for his enjoyment.

In reguards to the note, wifey needs to stop being selfish and think about how to work as a team and not be one sided in swinging.

[Compersor]

Thanks everybody for your input. It was instructive and interesting to see what some of you had to say about this. I think now that my wife and I simply have to stick to what we have in common: the fact that we both love MFM threesomes. She says she doesn't understand why I love seeing her being intimate with another guy and I don't really understand it either (unless this is because it is nice to know your wife is sexually attractive to other men,which makes it a sort of a pride thing, along the lines of what hotblonde and westernswing say). Her feelings about seeing me with another woman must be rooted in insecurity and cultural conditioning, considering where she comes from (Philippines). And indeed it is true that she always gets sort of jittery and tetchy before an mfm encounter. But once we get started, there is no stopping her, she loses all her inhibitions: a truly awesome sight. One of the most beautiful things I have seen in my life.

she loses all her inhibitions: a truly awesome sight. One of the most beautiful things I have seen in my life.

Very well said!! You hit the nail right on the head! I couldn't have said it better myself!