When 1 Plus 1 Is Not 2

[Spoomonkey]

Okay...

I had an interesting discussion with a guy the other day... We had rebuffed him as a single male (for many reasons - language, inability to spell, overuse of the word "dawg", etc.) by telling him that we do not meet single men on the internet. This is true - it wasn't the only reason that we weren't interested, but it was reason enough.

Yesterday, he IMs me again. Only this time - he has a girlfriend. He's known her for five days, "but she is such a freak!" So, of course, we ought to all get together, now that he's a "couple."

Well - of course the answer was still no from the start... He still used the word "dawg" way too much...

But as our conversation evolved, I found out that:

1. She was already using the "L" word with him, but he wasn't ready to talk about his feelings with her...

2. He once beat up some guys at a swing event because he couldn't handle watching other men "hit that" - but this is a "perfect" set up because he doesn't like her enough to beat me up if I get my jiggy on...

3. He hadn't told her that he was going to now use her as some strange love offering to swinging couples... But he knew that she'd be into it because - as we've established - "she is such a freak!"

Okay...

So - I pointed out that he was not - according to any sane definition of the word - part of a couple. But he insisted that he was - and I just needed to give him a break...

For me, a couple is any two people that we consider to have a secure relationship. That is a VERY fuzzy definition. After all, that could mean a lot of things. Maybe they're married, maybe not. Maybe they've been together forever, maybe not. Maybe they are attached at the hip, maybe not... But what matters is whether or not we get a good vibe.

This approach has left us with a couple of experiences that we kind of wish we hadn't had... One lady in an unmarried couple began to act really, really weird about me - saying she'd chosen certain dresses and shaved just for me...

Another couple we were heading in a really positive direction with - feeling really good about them - when the female said to me, "his girlfriend would just die if she knew what he was doing."

*shrivel*

So my question for the panel is this...

How do you define a couple? When does 1+1 really equal 2?

And am I being a little hard on the use of the word "dawg"?

Spoomonkey

[EvilMJ]

Spoomonkey..

I'm dying here at my computer...I thought I was the only one who would turn someone down because they had poor grammer, and yes I think over use of the word 'Dawg' would make me unreasonably cranky. (Let's face it, I get snarly when someone uses the word irregardless).

That guy sounded down right spooky!! It would be enough to make me run screaming for the door.

I have not had a lot of swinging experience, however in my own humble opinon a couple is someone that agrees they are a couple and have spent more than five days together. Who thought it would be so difficult to define a couple...

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I thought I was the only one who would turn someone down because they had poor grammer.

You know what gets me... IMs that are full of "How R U? I R chillun..."

I am not an english major by any stretch of the imagination, but my degree is in theatre/communication... So I type like I talk... Too many dots and all...



Spoomonkey

[crestviewcpl2]

sounds like they're a couple all right. won't say a couple of what but very odd "dawgs" indeed. couldn't resist. I think you and the missus were totally justified in eliminating this individual as a possible candidate.
Lee and Brenda ........brenda

[EvilMJ]

I don't know what it is, but as soon as a man starts talking like a fifteen year old I some how lose interest. One of the guys at work uses so much slang I have no idea what he is talking about, I just stare at him blankly. Then he ends every conversation by calling me baby girl.

I can safely say that as at my current amazon like stature of 5'9 and holding strong at 32 I am probably not the best candidate for that particular moniker...sarcastic bossy wench might be a better term of endurment.

I'm sorry but if I am going to plan a 'playdate' if you will, I want to be able to understand everything he is saying to me....

It's okay, I use a lot of dots too...love them dots...sign of a twisted mind... or genius

[Spoomonkey]

Oooo...

Amazon...

Those were my favorite back in my jungle days

And too me - there is something incredibly hot about the term "sarcastic bossy wench". I once had a zookeeper...

No - that is a long, but lovely story

Spoomonkey

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

You know what gets me... IMs that are full of "How R U? I R chillun..."

I am not an english major by any stretch of the imagination, but my degree is in theatre/communication... So I type like I talk... Too many dots and all...



Spoomonkey

Nothing gets a single guy-or a couple into the land of the deleted faster than using abbreviations or stupid street slang. how r u? is enough for me to come to the conclusion they are lazy. I have also had 'dawg' used so many times it makes me queasy.

[Spoomonkey]

I am beginning to think that a "bad grammar" thread should have been started instead

Oh well - we are off topic, but I am laughing pretty hard... And that is all that matters

Spoomonkey

[EvilMJ]

Spoomonkey,

You know in high school my nickname was Jungle Jane....long story....

Before I head off to put the little evil child to bed, I just wanted to thank you for the chuckle. While poor grammer turns me off, a good sense of humor is a major turn on.

Mrs. Spoomonkey is a lucky woman (I'm not hitting on you, just appreciating you...oh I hope that difference made sense and I didn't just piss someone off , if I did forgive me, the devil made me do it)

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

Spoomonkey,

Mrs. Spoomonkey is a lucky woman (I'm not hitting on you, just appreciating you...oh I hope that difference made sense and I didn't just piss someone off , if I did forgive me, the devil made me do it)

Don't worry about it, I hit on him all the time. He likes it-He's a naughty little monkey


disclaimer to Mrs Spoo-I think you are just as naughty as Mr & you can jump on my bed anytime

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I'm not hitting on you, just appreciating you...oh I hope that difference made sense and I didn't just piss someone off

Well of course I'm pissed off...

I already told you I think amazon chicks are hot...

Just kidding! Mrs Spoomonkey IS a lucky woman... She is the only woman who gets to watch me dance naked to top 40 hits, while trying vainly to sing along...

Well - she's the only one so far

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

Mrs Spoo-I think you are just as naughty as Mr & you can jump on my bed anytime

Oh - she was counting on the trail of bananas leading to a special treat for her as well...



She has noticed the impressive size of Mr Naughty's boat...

Spoomonkey

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Oh - she was counting on the trail of bananas leading to a special treat for her as well...



She has noticed the impressive size of Mr Naughty's boat...

Spoomonkey

& it's YELLOW TOO!!!
(the boat, not his banana!!)

[LikeMinds321]

I have never seen "dawg" before. Is this the same as "dog?" Give me an example of how a person uses it, Spoo. As the man with the theatre/communication degree (I noticed how you slid that in there ) I think you should answer this question.

Here's your problem with this guy, Spoo. You've already given too much of yourself to him...you should have been smart enough to know you should never give advice to numskulls. These guys never get the message! :slam"

No matter what explanation you give him of what a couple is, he will work around it and try to get in bed with you and Mrs Spoo.

What makes a couple?

For us it would mean being married, or living together as partners who are committed to each other for the long haul.

LM

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

Don't worry about it, I hit on him all the time. He likes it-He's a naughty little monkey


disclaimer to Mrs Spoo-I think you are just as naughty as Mr & you can jump on my bed anytime

just got back from the evening bed time ritual....

Thanks Mrs. Naughty. I haven't been here too long and there is nothing worse than being too friendly too soon..you know.

Mr. Spoo......you have just topped the list of may favorite primates (second to Mr. Evil ofcourse I .. I love a man that appreciates us ..um....vertically gifted.